An awkward silence settles over the room. Pinched glances are exchanged, but everyone hesitates to say anything.
Finally, Maria sighs and says, "Well, if no one really likes any of these ideas, then let's think about some other project we could—"
Jessica puts up her hand. "You just said you wanted to swap Cody and Charles."
"Well—"
"Why?"
Maria flushes slightly beneath her tan. "Well, why not?"
Jessica rolls her eyes. "Come on, man, you must've had a reason for picking those two."
Maria makes a face.
"Well," she says, "what I was thinking was, it might be interesting to see what would happen if you moved someone who was comfortable in one world into another. And vice versa. And Cody and Charles, well, they seem like they come from very different worlds." She compresses her lips.
"Oh," says Jessica. Then her sister, very brightly, says "Kind of like 'The Prince and the Pauper'?"
"I guess," Maria allow.
"Well, hell, in that case," Eva continues, "I know exactly who we should switch. Kelsey Blankenship and—" She stumbles a little, as though she's not quite sure which name she's reaching for. "Sienna Goldman."
"Oh, fuck!" Jessica shoves her. "You just wanna get back at Kelsey for Saturday night!"
"Dur!"
"What happened Saturday night?" Chelsea asks.
"We went out to Kelsey's for her regular Saturday-night party," Jessica says, "and Kelsey—"
"Sienna Goldman?" Cindy interrupts. "Isn't she, like, that death-metal girl who plays in a band?"
"I wouldn't call it 'death metal'," Eva says. "More like—"
"Lady Steel," Maria interrupts. "That's her band. You like Dead Kennedys?"
"What?" Cindy blinks. "Oh. Well, my dad likes 'em dead."
Eva leans forward. "They're hardcore punk," she says. "But you've seen Sienna around." Cindy nods. "So you know what it would do to Kelsey to wake up in Sienna's body and clothes and life. And hell—" She shrugs. "Sienna would probably like to vacation in Kelsey's."
You've seen Sienna around too, dressed in torn clothes and piercings. You haven't had her in any classes since ... your sophomore year? You're not sure. But she doesn't look like an AP student. At best, she looks like a truck driver.
But Jessica is talking: "If you wanna cross worlds and make someone walk a mile in someone else's shoes, how about Marcos and Molly Shaw?"
"Rivera?" Eva's eyes nearly pop.
"Exactly. And we can get to 'em easy. At least, we can always get to Marcos. Asshole is always coming over to brag to Marc about—"
"How would switching Marcos and Molly constitute 'crossing worlds'?" Maria asks.
"Gender swap, dur," Cindy says.
Jessica gives her a look. "It's crossing worlds because Marcos is a womanizing asshole who lubricates his dick and slips on a condom every morning, in case he meets up with some chica who wants it from him. G'yeugh!" She makes a face.
"He's got three girlfriends," Eva adds with a knowing look.
"Everyone knows about Marcos," Maria sighs. "But—"
"I didn't know!" Cindy exclaims. "What's the story? How does that work, having three girlfriends?" She sits up and scuttles forward with alert interest.
"He's got a wife, a mistress, and another mistress," Eva says. "Plus a bunch of other—"
"He's married?" Cindy gasps.
"Well, not legally. But Cristina Ramon— Is it Cristina who's the wife?" Eva asks Jessica.
"Like it matters."
A lot of cross-talk follows, as the Garner girls try to explain to Cindy the complicated romantic relationships of Marcos Rivera. You're interested despite yourself—or maybe you're interested because of Jenny—but even you are confused by the distinctions that get made between the "official girlfriend" and the "official girl who sleeps with him because the girlfriend won't" and the "official fuck biddy" who he goes to when the girlfriend-who-sleeps-with-him isn't available.
And why switch him with Molly Shaw? Because she's the kind of girl who sleeps with any guy who will look at her, and has suffered multiple pregnancy scares on account of it. She's "the eternal victim," as Jessica puts it before adding, "I wanna see how Marcos likes it."
"You just don't like Marcos," Eva tells her.
"You got that fucking right! Son of a bitch needs a hard smack."
Cindy nudges you. "Forget Molly, I know who you should swap Marcos with," she tells the other before smirking up at you. "Caleb."
"Johansson?" you exclaim.
"You know another one?"
"Pft," Jessica snorts. "That's not punishment, turning someone into Caleb."
"Sure it is," Cindy retorts. "Anyway, I thought we weren't talking about punishing anyone, I thought we were talking about 'crossing worlds'." She snickers at you. "Any world where Johansson gets pussy is one that's crossed over into something else, right?"
Jessica goes back to ranting about Marcos, and Eva with a giggle suggests swapping Marcos and Kelsey, but you're distracted by the idea of swapping Caleb with someone else. It seems at first like it would be a really mean thing to do to your best friend. But aren't you doing something kind of mean to him now, by not bringing him in on all this fun? If you swapped him with someone, and let him suffer and sweat for a bit, then you could reveal what it was all about and make it a reward to him by bringing him into the club. At least, the others would have a hard time keeping him out if you suggested it after making him a victim.
You're brought out of these reflections by Chelsea, who despite her earlier disinterest has now brought forth a suggestion of her own: Gordon Black and Charles Hartlein. That draws gasps from everyone. "Why them?" Maria asks.
Chelsea's reply is insolent. "As someone said a little while ago, Why not?"
"Josiah," Maria starts to say, but Chelsea overrides her.
"Look, you wanna cross worlds, that's crossing worlds! Besides, he's all up in my— Trying to get up in my— Well, you know!" She turns very red. We all of us— Well, some of us," she says after catching sight of you, and giving you the stink eye, "are getting hit on, but I'm the only one with a boyfriend I have to fight off!"
"That's not a good reason—"
"It's as good a reason as any! And like I say, if you want to cross world, that crosses worlds!" She giggles—a nasty sound. "Don't tell me you wouldn't love to see Gordon trying to run the drama department and acting like a—" She flaps a very limp wrist. "Or, I dunno," she adds with a shrug. "Swap him with anyone. Doofus hardly knows what to do with himself, so you could swap him with anyone and—
"How swapping him with Steve?" Maria offers.
"Ewwww! Noooo!" Chelsea makes to stick her finger down the back of her tongue. "Swap him with someone gay. Swap him with a girl. Swap him with someone in the chess club. Someone who plays D&D. You know!"
"But someone who won't try sticking Gordon's dick in you after the swap," Eva offers with dripping scorn.
"Exactly!" Chelsea exclaims. "Like someone said. World crossing!"
You mull the bruited possibilities in the silence that follows. The only good reason to swap people, Fairfax seemingly wants to say, is to see how radically different people fare in each other's lives. But that kind of swap is going to cause the people who are swapped a lot of pain, so why not use the trick to get back at people who have pissed you and your friends off?
And as soon as you have that insight, you get another idea for a swap: Geoff Mansfield and—
Well, it hardly matters who, right? Blast Mansfield out of his body and away from Lisa and all his friends.
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