Chapter #33Trying to Choose Chen by: Seuzz   "Okay, new question," you continue. "How do you deal with being Gary Chen?"
Chen stops chewing. "What do you mean?"
You lean forward to speak in a very low voice without moving your lips.
"Chelsea, you're living Gary Chen's life for him. How do you deal with it? He's a lot different than you. And ... Well, it doesn't seem like the kind thing you'd enjoy. Or I don't picture you enjoying it."
His expression darkens. "How do you deal with being Yumi Saito, Will?" he retorts, and doesn't bother to soften his sarcasm. "Or is she the kind of person you always wanted to be?"
You could let his words rile you, but you don't. You get why it might have been insulting to put it the way you did.
"Well, I guess I get along with it by just doing what Yumi would do," you reply. "Is that what you do with Gary?"
"Sure. Once I got used to being in charge of him." His brow furrows. "Why are you asking?"
You start to shrug. But then you find the words that have been eluding you.
"You got Gary because you wanted to test that spell out on a mask. Remember what you said? Something about how Gordon was shopping for an asshole, and Gary was the one he brought up?"
He nods. "Sure."
"And then, we went ahead and used the mask because you needed someplace to hide so we could talk. But we don't need it anymore, do we? You don't need to be inside his mask."
"Why not?" That furrow on his brow deepens. "What are you trying to say?"
"I guess I'm trying to ask ... You did this thing so that Chelsea Cooper could get rid of some people from the squad. You've done that. So, why keep pretending to be Gary Chen? Isn't it, like, you did the time in order to get what you want, and now that you've got it— Why are you still doing the time?"
Chen stares at you, then turns away to stare down at his food. He doesn't move, except to stab ineffectually at the rice a few times. His expression tightens.
When he next speaks, it is in a low voice. There's a tightly coiled emotion in it, one that sounds like anger. But his words don't sound angry.
"Don't you like hanging out with me? Because this is the only way that Chelsea and Yumi can hang out. The only way that you and me can hang out."
At first you can only let the words roll around in your head. They are English, and perfectly meaningful. It baffles you, briefly, that Chelsea would make such a big deal about how this is the only way that she can hang out with ...
It's when you come to fill in the blank at the end of that sentence that your heart does a somersault.
Is Chelsea saying that she likes hanging out with Will Prescott, and would be upset if you stopped?
Chen turns away as you remain silent. "Okay, I guess you don't want to hang out anymore," he says.
"But I do! Chelsea!" you blurt out, then catch yourself. "I do like ... hanging out with you," you continue in a much quieter voice. "Being with you, doing stuff with you." You catch and squeeze his arm. "And if you have to be Gary Chen and I have to be Yumi Saito for us to do it, then okay." You can hardly believe you're saying those words. They seem very wrong ... an insult!
But you continue, and pull up closer to him, and put your face to his.
"But I'm trying to think about you," you murmur. "That's why I asked how you deal with being Gary." No, it wasn't the reason, not exactly, but the words will work here, you judge. "If you don't want to keep being Gary, I'll understand. You don't have to keep using his mask on my account. We can find another way."
His expression remains dubious. "How? We can't let Gary out. Not until the end of the year, at least," he mumbles. "Or do you just mean, leave him the way Gordon is? But either way, if I stop being here—" He points to his chest. "How are you and me going to hang out?"
"As another couple. Or as friends." A thought seizes you. "You said I could be Lin or Cindy. Maybe you could be Lin or Cindy, and I stay as Yumi—"
His eyes widen. "You mean make another mask for me? You didn't want me doing that."
"Well yeah, but it's the number of them that worries me. So you become Lin or Cindy, and— Okay, we can't let Gary come back, because I can deal with you as a boyfriend, but I'm sure I couldn't deal with the real guy. But instead, we make a new mask of Gary, and I'd have him as a face. So to get Cindy, or whoever, you give up Gary, and so you'd still have the same number of masks. Then Gary would be my second, but we could still hang out if I'm Yumi and you're—"
"Maybe I don't want to be Lin or Cindy," she blurts out.
"Then you can be someone else who's friends with Yumi. Jenny Ashton, or—"
His eyes flash. "Is this because you just don't like having my dick up your—"
You grab him by the face before he can finish the sentence. He flushes, and jerks away.
"If you want to go on being Gary Chen, that's fine," you say. "I'm just offering."
That brings the meal to vexed conclusion.
* * * * *
Much later that evening, after you've separated, Chelsea (not Chen) sends you a brief, apologetic text. You send one of your own. You're not sure yours is sincere. But then, you're not sure that hers is, either.
Then the texts start in from Chen, so either Chelsea had her replacement send the apologies, or she has Chen's phone with her so as to disguise who's sending you these bizarre messages.
She starts by saying that if you really want to be Gary, then you can take him. You ask who she will replace him with. She says she'd have to think about it. maybe new girl on squad or on jv squad.
a junior? you ask.
maybe soph or frsh even lol you could be one of my new friends
That, you have to admit, would be an interesting idea. Chelsea as a girl in the junior class (or farther down) and you down there with her. makes chen kind of useless tho, you point out. but maybe
There's a long pause after that, so that you think maybe you've lost her for the night. But then she texts back: gary needs contact n jr class or sph class to take over for him after he gradates. You don't get what she means, so you ask her to explain. That provokes a whole series of long texts.
Their gist, though, is this: If Gary Chen—or Chelsea—or you, if you're going to take over management of Chen's life for the foreseeable future—will still need or want an income from his trade even after he graduates. But he doesn't deal much in the underclassemen, probably because most of those kids are way too scared of him and his own dealers. He needs to set up another sub-supplier down there, who he can deal to. Chelsea suggests that, whether or not she continues to manage Chen, you could be that sub-supplier.
You are not thrilled with the idea of increasing the supply of drugs circulating in the school. But you've also seen the kind of money that comes from it, and it's awfully enticing. And it would be a way to stay in contact with Chen.
You tell her you'll think about it, and sign off for the night.
But you go online and start looking through the various x2z streams, particularly those set up by the juniors and sophomores. (Though some freshmen can't help slipping in.) As you scroll through, it occurs to you that there's another possibility.
You could just take a face down among the underclassmen.
Now, that normally would not be all that enticing a prospect. You have struggled through high school, and are glad to see it finally coming to an end sometime next year.
But maybe you're so glad to see it end because you mismanaged your time there so badly. Going back a year, or two, or even three, to do it again and this time to do it right, might be a rewarding experience. Especially if you chose a person with advantages already in place.
So there seem to be three possibilities, based on where you've drifted. One: Let Chelsea stay as Gary Chen while you move into the junior or sophomore class as one of his sub-dealers; then you could at least still have a (non-sexual) relationship with Chelsea. Two: Take over "management" of Chen and also take the face of someone who is a friend of Chelsea's replacement face. Then you'd get Chen's lucrative income and you'd still keep your relationship with Chelsea. Three: Take this as a chance to start over. You're not sure how you'd sustain your relationship with Chelsea, but maybe that would help you determine who to pick—someone who, even as a freshman, could plausibly be friends with either Chelsea Cooper or Gary Chen.
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