This choice: Use this mask to get someone else • Go Back...Chapter #31The Sophomore Candidates by: Seuzz   But that doesn't mean you're going to stay this way for very long. Your heart is pounding as you walk out to the parking lot. Fucking nerves, that what it is. And for good reason. You're wrapped up in another person's skin, wearing her clothes, about to drive home to face her parents. You're a brand-new person.
And you grabbed her in a hurry, having no idea what you were in for. A random assault is no way to pick a new place to spend the rest of your life in.
Not that there is anything obviously wrong with where you've ended up. Your racing pulse calms a little after you're inside Evie's car, settled into the driver's seat, and buckled in. You take a deep breath and grip the wheel, then turn the rear-view mirror to study yourself.
No, you're not at all bad-looking. Your brown eyes widen as you gaze into them, trying to see the girl you are imitating. She is not unfamiliar.
She's a sophomore, glad to be out of the freshman class. (As you were.) A conscientious student without being a brainiac about it. (As you imagine yourself to be, whatever your dad yells at you about your study habits.) Someone with a few good, close friends and a wider network of friendly acquaintances. (A bigger net than you cast, but Evie's not a social butterfly.) Someone who got tired of being dorky, and wants to reshape herself into a more popular form.
That pulls a frown out of you. You remember that feeling from being a sophomore. You remember looking around at the guys who were molding themselves into strong and confident forms. Athletes like Laurent Delacroix and Reece Palendech; rich dicks like Geoff Mansfield and Anthony Kirk. Even Gordon Black didn't start off as a hulking monster.
You soon gave up. But now you're back to a spot where you had been, with a chance for a do-over, a chance to take something raw and transform it.
And then there's the final ambition, that one that makes Evie's heart -- your heart, now -- leap like a startled deer every time she thinks of it. It's another feeling you know so well, though with a different pulse and with a different melody.
It's the yearning to merge her heart with the heart of special someone.
You know who she wants, and you can't help trembling a little when you think about it. It's a delicious tremble, even if you don't feel any real sympathy for it. But it helps you see Evie's face more clearly, somehow, as though by seeing her secret desire you see better the person who has that desire.
You've been sitting here too long already -- Evie herself might come wandering out at any moment. You put the image of Marc Garner -- captain of the boys' varsity soccer squad -- out of your mind and start the car.
* * * * *
At home, you plop down onto your new bed. Her bedroom overlaps in surprising ways with yours. It's frillier and pinker, and a lot tidier, too. But Evie also has video game consoles -- sweet! -- and anime posters and figurines scattered about, remnants of the middle-school personality she's trying to slough off.
But no matter how long you stare at the room with Evie's eyes and memories, it never becomes fully familiar. You still have the feeling of being a stranger who is only sitting on her bed. You stretch out and stare at the ceiling, and cup your breasts. (A nice feeling!) You take a couple of deep breaths, then fall into a frown.
Nope. You are going to move somewhere else.
You wonder why it is that you can't just settle into a life like Evie's, that is so obviously free of disadvantages. Is it something to do with the masks? Are you always going to feel like an imposter, no matter what mask you put on? Are you just going to keep popping from one mask to another -- from Gordon to Dane to Evie to someone else and then to other people?
Or is it because you jammed yourself into this life without warning? Would it have made a difference if you'd looked at someone else and said, "Yeah, that's who I'll be?"
But who would you be, if not Evie?
Well, you'll stay in the sophomore class, that much you quickly decide. You made this random leap to get as far as possible from Chen. And though there's no way that he could trace you to Evie Cummings, you'd prefer to make another leap into one of her friends or acquaintances instead of back toward to where you'd been before.
One by one, you bring up and contemplate each of her friends and acquaintances, both male and female. But you make no decisions, not yet. Evie is supposed to be meeting some friends for lunch, and you'll keep that appointment. You want a good, long, hard look at them, in person, before making any decisions.
* * * * *
"I think it's just Hannah," says Melanie. "She caused a lot of problems for Jenny last year too."
That's Melanie Heath, Evie's best friend from middle school on. It's you and her and Lindsay Cho and Paulina Nowak having lunch. You let yourself go on autopilot after sitting down with them, and after the drama on the soccer field this morning, Evie's autopilot brought up the topic of Hannah Westrick, the girl who reamed Evie out. She was at Eastman until last year, and Melanie's point is that she made trouble there, too.
But everyone's got drama to gossip about, even if it has nothing to do with them. "How would you know any of that," you demand of Lindsay when she instantly tries changing the topic to the cheerleading squad.
"Because Charles Hartlein is in the drama program too. I mean, he doesn't talk to me specifically but I'm able to overhear things all the same."
"What kind of things?" The words that come out of your mouth feel like they belong to someone else.
"Well, I mean, that's not what's important. What is important is that -- "
And her words fade in your ears before reaching your brain. You're concentrating on her, as though constructing a file:
* Cho, Lindsay. Korean-American. Underdeveloped and undercooked. Certainly no competition for Yumi Saito or Lin Pol in the "gorgeous Asian-American" sweepstakes. Her glasses don't particularly flatter her, either.
" -- you want a boyfriend. There's Andy, you know?"
Mention of Andy Jensen, a friend who doesn't bother to hide his crush on Evie, snaps you back to the present, at least long enough to stammer something about not wanting to "ruin" a friendship with him.
"Then find someone else," says Paulina. She grins as she bites on her straw. "As long as it's not 'Teh Body'." She giggles.
* Nowak, Paulina. Polish-American, moved to the United States when she was nine. Still has a trace of an accent. Tall, plays on the girls' JV basketball squad, even though she looks like she's delicate as china. Except in the eyes, which project a strong, amused confidence. Her brunette hair falls to her shoulders. Probably has an interesting life. Maybe too interesting, since her family comes from a foreign country. They own Nowak's Authentic Euro Deli, where you are eating.
You're still concentrating on Paulina as the conversation comes back into focus. The topic is boys, naturally. But because you're still looking at Paulina, admiring what is admirable in her while still feeling a deep reserve, you make another connection.
* Weaver, Bhodi. A.k.a., "Teh Body." Indian-American. Mother from Mumbai, father an American businessman who brought her back to the states. Tall and well-proportioned, plays boys' JV soccer. A little gawky, and his head still seems stuck in his freshman year, maybe even his eighth-grade year, because he is incredibly awkward around girls, and easily crimsons when they talk to him. Which they like to, because he has dark, handsome Indo-European features under floppy black hair that falls over his ears and down the back of his neck. He's Andy's best friend, too, which would make it easy to get to him, if you wanted to put yourself under a mask of him. And the advantages of that would be? Paulina, who is very pretty, and who has a huge crush on him.
You're mostly silent the rest of lunch. Before driving home, you stand outside next to your car and let Melanie tell you not to worry about Hannah Westrick, that none of what goes on with the soccer team is your problem, it's hers. You nod along, while memorizing Melanie's face.
* Heath, Melanie. Evie's best friend. Talked her into going out for soccer their freshman year. Moved late last year and now attends Eastman High. She's gotten into shape a lot faster than Evie has, becoming tall and filled out in the places that count while losing all the dumpiness she had in middle school. It's made her confident, too. Evie's actually jealous, especially of her long, honey-colored hair and her amused blue eyes. She's even got a boyfriend who plays for the Eastman's JV soccer team.
She'd be a very attractive candidate even if she went to Westside. But the fact that she attends Eastman -- maximal distance from Chen while still being in the same town, at a school with a much better reputation than Westside -- really makes her look good to you.
* * * * *
So those are the kids you have lunch with, and are uppermost in your mind. But they are not the only candidates. There's at least one more, though you contemplate him mostly out of resentment and anger -- Evie's resentment and anger.
* Andrew Webb. The kid who jeered at Evie just before Anita sent her to the shadows. A real jerk, but a big guy in the sophomore class. Swapping with him would come with a dividend: cutting him down by putting him in Evie's place.  indicates the next chapter needs to be written. |
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