Binge eating isn't exactly what you might think it is. Most people associate it with an emotional woman in a romantic comedy who eats a tub of ice cream to forget her troubles, or worse yet, the fat kid who just eats as much as possible because that is of course what fat people do: Eat for the sake of it. That;s not even true. The fact of the matter is that sometimes I get hungry, so I eat. But maybe that doesn't fill me up, so I eat some more, and so on. It really wasn't a big problem, except for the sticky mess I left all over myself. That required a shower to fix. Luckily, I get to shower more or less unsupervised, so I didn't have to worry about my mother piecing together my little midnight gorging session.
The following day I had planned to watch movies with Sam and Carly in her studio. I donned a fresh polo and a pair of cargo shorts. I checked myself in the mirror: My hair was in place, my clothes were wrinkle-less and there was no evidence what I had eaten last night. Of course I was never muscular in the first place, but there was no more fat that the little bit that had been there before. I smiled to myself. I'd gotten away with it. I had enjoyed it, too. This would happen more often.
Abandoning the mirror, I headed out the door and into Carly's apartment. Sam was sitting at the computer, looking unamused, as per usual. Carly was plating nachos, smothered in cheese. My stomach rumbled. Carly glanced up and smiled warmly.
"Hi, Freddie. Happy Thursday." She said, grabbing a jar of salsa and dumping it into a bowl alongside the nachos.
"Oh hey, Nerd." Sam waved nonchalantly.
"Hiya, Carly." I smiled back. "Sam." and a frown.
Carly busied herself with gathering the nachos and headed up to the studio. I followed after, throwing myself into a beanbag, facing the mounted television screen. Sam arrived moments later, punching me in the shoulder and ignoring my complaints. The lights dimmed and the DVD started, gracing our eyeballs with images of stars and starlets. Immediately I grabbed the bowl of nachos, and begin eating them. Sam, usually the big eater, took no notice, as she had brought her own food in the form of a ham sandwich. I sat on the far side, Next being Sam to my left, and finally Carly. In the low light, neither saw me stuff my face. I ate chip after chip, cheese oozing off of them and back into the bow. They were so good, I couldn't stop myself. As the movie progressed, I found I had devoured all of the chips, only gooey cheese remained. Still not sated, I dipped my fingers in and ate licked my hand clean. Over and over I repeated the process: Scoop, lick, repeat. As my supply of cheesy-goodness depleted, I began to lick my face in search of further nourishment. However, after a point, I was without any food. I was made to endure 45 more minutes of that sub-par romance before I could search for more.
The lights returned to full strength and the girls stood and began to talk about the movie. I wasn't paying attention to what they were saying, I was absently rubbing my hungry gut. Suddenly they were looking at me.
"Freddie?"
"Huh?" I snapped to attention.
"Are you okay?" Carly asked
"Yeah, I'm fine, why?"
"Because, you're sitting there like a zombie all spaced out." Sam interjected.
"Sorry, I'm just... hungry." I said sheepishly, rubbing my slightly bulging midsection.
"Really, because ya kinda ate all the nachos." Carly shook the thoroughly empty bowl at me.
"Oh I didn't have breakfast."
"Whatever, I'm hungry too, let's eat." Sam exited the room.
Carly had made a taco platter and lemonade in advance. She laid the wide dish on the table and gave each of us a plate. I calmly place a shell on my plate and began to fill it with meat, lettuce tomatoes and anything else I could stomach. I took my now bulging taco and shoved it into my mouth. It was delicious. I scarfed it down, carelessly dropping taco sauce on my shirt, which I hastily cleaned with my mouth. I prepared another taco and began to down it. About halfway through I noticed Sam and Carly staring at me.
"What?" I asked through a mouthful of taco.
"You wanna slow down a little, champ?" Carly chuckled.
"Don't be a fatass." Sam sneered.
"Sam, you eat twice as much as I do." I retorted. Sam's response was to stick her tongue out at me.
Unfazed, I returned to my food, finishing my second taco and moving on. I ate five tacos total. I was completely full at this point. My face was soiled with sauce, but I didn't care. My hands had retreated to the inside of my shirt, where they massaged my bloated belly. It felt so good, I was completely content. So maybe I had become a binge eater, I didn't actually care if this was how it felt. I could gain fifty pounds, I still wouldn't care.
"Are you sure you're okay? Is your mom feeding you?" Carly prodded gently.
"I am perfectly fine, I was just really hungry. Besides you never comment when Sam eats everything in sight."
"I guess you're right."
"Is what it is." Sam declared.
I agreed with Sam. Forget people's opinions, I'm content. I stood in front of my mirror at 4am, yet again. But this time, there was a noticeable layer of fat forming around my midsection. I poked it. It was soft, warm and squishy. I decided that I liked this new addition, and if it expanded, so be it. I rubbed my stomach lovingly, realizing I was feeling the pangs of hunger yet again. I guess a snack won't hurt anyone. I thought to myself. With that, I took to the kitchen, eating what I could. I made a massive sandwich from what supplies I could find and coupled it with a tub of cookie dough. The sandwich went fast but I savored the dough. They say eating it raw can give you salmonella, but this was too good to pass up. Chocolate chips and peanut butter made me smile to myself as I binged. When all was said and done, I buried the container at the bottom of the trash can, remnants of chocolate smeared on my chest. I ate as much of that as I could and returned to the mirror. My stomach was pleasantly distended, creating the most amiable curvature. I rubbed myself contentedly. I liked having a belly. Gaining weight wouldn't be too bad at all.
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