“Good afternoon Mr. Handson.” Greg said giving his award winning smile.
“Good after noon to you too. Listen Greg I have to tell you something, your performance has come to my attention and I would like to fire you! You're getting far too fat our company - you eat too much, and too much on company time, and I can't have that. You'll drive my medical bills through the roof. So, before you get any bigger, I'm letting you go. Please empty your desk and vacate your cubicle by Friday. You'll get the usual two weeks severance."
And with that, Mr. Handson turned on his heel and left. Greg was floored. Up until now, his performance evaluations, like his girth, had all been 'above average'. Devastated, he slumped in his chair in his cubicle. He picked up the phone, and dialed his professional association. He was quickly connected to Linda, the labour relations specialist.
"He said WHAT?" Linda asked, unable to keep the astonishment out of her voice. "Listen Greg, do you work with the public?"
"No."
"Clients?'
"Yeah."
"In person?"
"No, by blackberry."
"So you never see a client face to face?"
"Well, once, when they came to the plant - but it was my old bud Rick, we played ball together in college."
"So Handson has never had a complaint from a client?"
"No that I know of."
"Is there a written code about eating on the job? Or a dress code? Have you ever had any warnings about this before?"
"Uh, no, no, and no."
"Well, we'll appeal your firing. What he's done is illegal, but what he writes on your pink slip is what will matter. Still, sometimes just threatening to appeal is enough to change their minds - appeals are expensive for the employer."
"What do I do now?"
"Just keep working. Come in regularly, take assignments. If you get anything in writing, call me immediately. This may just be an intimidation tactic. Listen, tell me, is Handson one of those runner types? Or just a thin guy?"
"Well, he is thin...."
"Ah. Well, we fat people have to stick together against the tyranny of the thin. Might not be a bad idea though, to bring a gym bag to work regularly and talk about...
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