The King's Planet

Dad says "Why do you say that?"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Catty! Shhh! Dad doesn't know how to change his costumicon. We're trying not to embarrass him about it."

catty says "But his questions are such a mystery! He's a mystery man! I think question marks are cute!"

Dad says " Thank you, catty. You bright eyes are very nice, too "

catty says "my googly eyes? aren't they, though? LOL"

catty says "Wow, Dad was born 9/6/01, I was born 9/22/03, Steve on 1/25/04 and Ms P on 2/21/06"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "So Ms P and I can call you and Dad, Ma and Pa? We ARE the youngsters."

Dad says "Born in '01 and 52 on 12/12/12? Something's definitely wrong with my math, that's for sure!"

catty says "our WDC birth dates, silly!!"

Dad says "Who says silliness is a bad thing? Especially here?"

The Unknown King says "*Leans on his old sword* My it has been a long time... Xjocax, might I ask how I lost my throne? I've heard about "a series of accidents" that may happen to the new "ruler." "

catty says "*stands behind UK* I support you! And all my little toys, too!"

Dad says "*Checks rating and decides against make snide remarks about catty's toys*"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Xjocax is a usurper! Long live The Unknown King!"

catty says "My toys are the best toys, I promise. You might not want to touch that one Dad, it's really got a hair trigger."

catty says "oh, and Merry Christmas!"

Dad says "*Checks rating and decides against make snide remarks about catty's toys again*"

The Unknown King says "Greetings Steve, it has been far to long! I suppose with my absences it's not surprising that you tried Xjocax, though success was futile from the start!"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "We had no choice. It was Xjocax or nothing. Or at least so he told us."

Dad says "Xjocax also told us he'd never lie to us, so we had to believe him. You simply can't lie about something like that!"

catty says "I can! I can lie about that! AHEM: Xjocax lied when he told us it was him or nothing. Did you believe me?"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Who is going to believe anything a cat says? They have nine lives. They have nothing to lose. What do they care about the truth?"

Dad says "You're right, Steve. In all the TV legal dramas, have you ever seen them drag in a cat as a character witness? Hm? Well, have you? No! Of course not. Because nobody believes them."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "On the other hand, if an attractive collie dog barks out: "Timmy fell in the well!" then everybody drops what they are doing and goes to save Timmy because they know DOGS DON'T LIE!"

Dad says "On the other hand, if a heroic, handsome German shepherd whose middle name and last name are the same sees Timmy fall into the well, he'll just drag him out because DOGS ARE BOLD AND COURAGEOUS."

catty says "*stalks to the corner to sharpen claws* Dogs, hm? We'll just see about that!"

Dad says "Even as much as I like you, I really do, you must admit that cats can be a wee bit self-centered. For example, if a cat saw Timmy fall into a well, a cat would first have to decide if Timmy was the only one who feed him befored deciding to tell someone."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "You give cats too much credit. If a cat saw Timmy fall in the well then it would sit on the edge of the well and watch him die. "

Dad says "You are correct. I stand corrected. Except that I'm sitting down."

catty says "You're both wrong, a cat wouldn't sit and watch Timmy fall into the well, a proper cat would be inside napping on a warm, soft pillow."

Dad says "No, a good cat could be lying on a nice, soft bed of straw in the top of the barn, overlooking the well into which Timmy just fell, and decide that it is much much too strenuous to tell anybody. Let the damned dog do it. Dogs are to highstrung any way."

catty says "Ok, that was my second choice."

catty says "Not that I'm a proper cat. I'm just sayin is all. *rumble* Wow, where'd that come from?"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "It was either your stomach or mine."

catty says "I just had a huge plate of spaghetti, must have been you."

catty says "Where'd you go? Home to eat? Hey, can I follow you home?"

Dad says "That would cause an interesting conundrum. Mom, being a cat person, would like to keep you, but I'm not sure if she'd let me keep you."

catty says "LOL, OMG DAD!"

Dad says " and never forget that Dad is your God! "

catty says "Well, he is the "father""

Dad says "Ah, but I'm in Florida. I'll be in heaven (aka Indiana) but only for a short time this summer. I hope. Grandmas 75th birthday, 100th anniversary of Grea-grandma's birthday, places to go, things to see, people to do......."

catty says "yep, we're heading out to Tennessee. Not sure where we want to go or what we want to see, but that's where we're going! Any suggestions?"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Tennessee? Uh... Nashville?"

catty says "Well, duh to that! Memphis, Nashville, Knoxville etc....."

Dad says "Clarksville? Union City? Beersheba Springs? Dickson? Oo! Better not send catty there! Maybe Gilt Edge? Hickory Withe? Oak Ridge? Lenoir City? Viola? St. Joseph? Am I getting warm? I live in Florida, and it's May. I must be getting warm. "

catty says "You're always warm except when you're cold. I have that on good authority. I won't say whose authority it actually is, but take it from me it's a pretty good authority. A terrific one. A simply fantastic authority, really when one does their research."

Dad says "*narrows eyes suspiciously* Are you talking about Mom? She is a simply fantastic authority, who does her research (mainly on what I do on line). And I should know. I've been married to her almost 28 years now."

catty says "Exactly! And my sources are secret. No torture would ever get that out of my mouth. Or any other body part either!"

catty says "*stands firm* Nope, not going to spill any secrets. Not me! I truly haven't any real secrets. Only made up ones, but that's a secret just between us, right? Perfect. "

Dad says "I'll never tell anyone on you, catty. Your secret is safe with me. *does his best to look as innocent as the dog Duke on the Bush's Baked Beans commercials*"

catty says "Oh, that's not a good look for you, Dad. Did something get pinched?"

Dad says "Yes, but I won't tell you where. Just rest assured it hurts, and it makes me talk funny."

catty says "And do you need ice on that?"

Dad says "Mom tells me that ice helps the swelling go down. She tells me that every time I touch her boobies."

catty says "Ok, one wheelbarrow full of ice coming right up!"

Dad says "If it hurt any worse, it'd be my lunch taht was coming right up!"

catty says "*pushes Dad down onto the ice* Feel better yet, Dad?"

catty says "**adds shovelful on top** Now any better yet?"

Dad says "*considers vomiting, but has heart attack instead* Hey! It's been awhile since I had one of them!"

catty says "**Plugs in the toaster and puts it on Dad's chest** Hm, plenty of water here, feet aren't grounded. CLEAR!! *Pushes down activator button* "

Dad says "*suffers second degree burns on chest when no one thinks to take the damned toaster off my chest after defibbing.*"

catty says "Rub some banana skin on that burn, Dad, you'll be just fine! **Really works**"

Dad says "I've been willing to try just about any stupid-sounding remedy since Sainted Father-in-Law told me to put grits on ants because it kills them (it really does) (Now that he's passed on, sound wrong to call him "Old @}^@#%<>@ any more)"

catty says "LoL, well, if it's said with love...."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "It's quicker to stomp on ants. I tried dropping grits on them but they run so fast it's really hard to hit one in the head with a grit."

Dad says "And you have to get the correct velocity. I prefer scattering a bunch of grits, and liet the little bastards eat is, swell up and pop themselves. I don't give it shit if it hurts the little bastards, either."

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "They aren't really bastards, you know. Son of a drones, maybe, but not bastards."

Dad says "The queen never marries the drone in a good, proper church wedding. It was never consecrated by the Bishop of Canterbury, or York, or even the Pope. Friar Tuck did not officiate. Therefore, they are not married. Hence, the are technically bastards"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "It's a weird community anyway. Only place where your uncle is your ant."

catty says "Ants die from grits? Like, cooked grits or uncooked grits?"

Dad says "Uncooked. Just scatter it on an aunt ant mound. Don't be stingy. Ants eat it, and their saliva makes the corn in the grits swell. They pop themselves. And it all good for the environment!"

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "I won't believe it until I see it on YouTube."

Dad says "I've seen it in my yard. that's even better than YouTube. "

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "Not really. I've heard there are things that exist in your yard that exist nowhere else in the world. "

Dad says "This is also true. Just don't tell the "authorities," if you know who I mean. "

catty says "I don't know "WHO" you're talking about. Are there camera's here. Are we being secretly recorded? I KNOW NOTHING! NOTHING I TELL YOU!"

Dad says "Quit being paranoid, catty. Remember. Just because you're not paranoid, that doesn't mean they aren't out to get you, you know."

catty says "But that's exactly what it means! They are out to get you. Being paranoid is like an extra-sensory ability."

Dad says "All cats have an extra-sensory ability. Son's girlfriend (whose name is Girlfriend, BTW) know exactly where I'm going to walk, then go lie down there so I can trip over them. (BTW - the Girlfriend's cat's names are Stupid and Idiot.)"

catty says "Better than Attack and Maim"

Dad says "Those are the names of Neighbor #6's cats."

catty says "Ah, well then all is right in the world. "

Dad says "Whoever said it wasn't?"

catty says "No one has to say it. It's one of those assumed things, like "Up is up" or "50 is the new 30"."

Dad says "Then, if it's assumed that all is right, why did you say it? If something goes without saying, shouldn't it?"

catty says "It would be like a black hole if nothing was said. It would be like:"

catty says " . "

Steev the Friction Wizurd says "If you go without saying then you might accidentally bump into someone. It's better to be like a garbage truck as you walk through life and say, "beep ... beep ... beep." It works for me."

Dad says "The garbage truck analogy works on several planes for you, doesn't it, Steeve?"

catty says "The stinky plane, the noisy plane, the plain water bagel. "

Dad says "Jus' to name a few."

catty says "Oh, I'm sure we could name a few more. Go ahead Dad, name a few more."

Dad says "*pointedly changing the subject* I wonder why The Unknown King and Xjocax don't post here any more."

catty says "Not sure, Has this always been the King's Planet or did it start as something else, line a recycle bin or a dumpster or something?"

catty says "No stinky rejoinders?"

Dad says "Perhaps the housing around a kitty litter box? "

catty says "Pfftty"

catty says "*Stalks off*"

catty says "I never really leave you know. I just lurk around in dark corners, biding my time."

AJ wants U 2 meet The CanMan! says "Hey Dad !!! Would you believe that I turned 60 on 12/12/12!?! You turned 52, and I was born in '52 (as in 1952). I also turned 10 in '12, but that took place in February instead of December. Grits for ants? I've heard of cola for mice."

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