Sunni's Review &Edit - closed

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This was a great first chapter and I can't wait for the rest of the book! You brought out the characters and the situation clearly and at a perfect pace. You left the reader curious and wanting to see which direction things will ultimately go with this story. Thank you for submitting it to "Sunni's Review &Edit - closed" .

The only suggestions I could come up with were mainly punctuation and one sentence that might be reworded.

1) You write: She and Brad tried ten years, since they were married, to get pregnant. This sounded like it meant "because" they were married. How about saying "since they'd been married" or "since they had gotten married" (though I just don't like the word "gotten")? But then you would probably have to change "She and Brad tried" to "She and Brad had tried".

2) You write: It took, and approximately nine months later their miracle baby was born. It seems that "approximately nine months later" is parenthetical and so should have commas like so: It took and, approximately nine months later, their miracle baby was born.

3)You write: Except for the constant demands, the travel, the hand shaking, the photo ops, the parties --- she and Brad lived a fairy tale life. I would recommend changing the first comma to an em dash Except for the constant demands--- the travel, the hand shaking, the photo ops, the parties --- she and Brad lived a fairy tale life.

Thanks again for submitting to "Sunni's Review &Edit - closed"  and please post chapter when it is ready, I look forward to reading it.
Sunni17

Writing is an Expression of the Mind and Soul---Sunni17