Fantasy Campfires

I have finished writing part one of "The Child", however I'm not finished typing it all on here. I have opened it up for all to see. So, I was wondering if you guys would read it so far and tell me what you think, so far this is before it starts dragging. I need honest reviews, don't just tell me it's good because you know me. DON'T click review and rate, just e-mail me and tell me what you think. I don't want it rated before I'm finished, I want it rated as a whole.
Okay, here's the link:

ID: 655537 (rated: PG)
Title: "Invalid Item" 
Description: The life of a young man is transformed...
By: Kari Adams

~Kari

P.S. If you even want to post your review on here instead of e-mailing me that's fine too, just please read it!