“Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."~Dragnet
I love "My worry bag is full." I Google'd the expression and the result was a book by Virginia Ironside called "The Huge Bag of Worries" which is a children's picture book.
I don't identify who writes the words. I recorded ones at my previous writing home on the web, Open Diary. There were some cool ones there:
She sounded like death warmed over and then fried in a pan.
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