Andre The Blog Monkey's Banana Bar

I remember this story very well. It made international headlines at the time and has been the but of jokes ever since. Anytime since then if anyone went missing it was always suggested they were hanging out with Lord Lucan.
My theory is because he had powerful friends at the time he was assisted to leave England. I think that much is definitely true. But where did he go? There were rumours he fell overboard from a boat whilst fleeing to France. But these were just rumours bandied about to put the police off his scent.
When he arrived in France he became a snail handler. Some of his snails, although destined for the table, became his pets. He trained them to climb walls on demand and even began a team of racing snails. They became so adept at covering a metre in rapid time he started to take bets on the winner. Each snail would sport a painted number on its shell.
He lived out the remainder of his years as a breeder of snails, retiring when he reached old age. He died peacefully at the great age of 99 years and nine months.