Daily Flash Fiction Challenge

“Welcome to the 1084, I’m Jack, how may I help you?”

“Yes Officer, I have a confession to make.”

“Let me guess, you murdered someone!”

“No.”

“Your car caught fire!”

“No.”

“You’re getting married, and want me to perform the ceremony!”

“No, no, no, it’s none of those things.”

“Well, I give up, what is it?”

“I haven’t seen my neighbor all week, and there is a foul smell coming from her house. I must confess, I think she’s dead.”

“Why didn’t you start with that, instead of making me ask a bunch of silly questions. If you have something important to say, say it. What’s your neighbor’s name and address?”

“Her name is Mrs. Bottomsworth, her address is….”

Jack almost fell out of his chair, he laughed so hard. Then he said, “What’s a bottom worth?”

Mr. Green was puzzled.

“Well, is it worth more than a top? What’s your opinion, more or less than a top?”

”That is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever heard. A woman may be dead in her home and you’re cracking jokes.”

“Hey, I’m not the one that waited a week to report it.”

“It’s reported, so when are you going to dispatch someone?”

”You know I didn’t make employee of the month, twice last year for NOT doing my job. You see this computer I’m sitting in front of, I’ve already dispatched an officer and he just sent me a message on what he found. Looks like you were right….”

“You mean she’s dead!”

“No, she’s vacationing in the Caribbean, but somehow a ham butt fell out of her freezer and stunk up the place. You know what I have to say about that?”

“No. What?”

“There’s nothing worse than a stinky butt.”

“Mr. Green cracked a smile, relieved Mrs. Bottomsworth was alive.”

WC 300