I imagine it's probably really difficult to have your first Yule without your family together. Even if it's less stressful, there's still something missing. I don't think it sounds bad that things have gotten easier with time. Some people can just be really toxic because of their own issues, no matter how much you try. It makes sense that things get easier as time goes by.
I think it's a good idea to send a thoughtful gift to her if you want to, but I can understand the reservation too because you never know what kind of blowback or reaction you might get. It's hard opening old wounds.
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