Under Construction - MHWA Retreat

Hey all!

I didn't post here when all the previous intros were going on, mainly because I disappeared off the face of the Earth. Or, at least WDC.

If you don't know me, I'm Lorraine. Although I've gone by a few names over the years. You'll see the likes of Cinn calling me Shaye, my RL name. I'm from the UK, south west England to be precise. I work for the Civil Service, as part of the Department for Transport. I don't really have much else to report!

As for my mental-health "labels", I don't really know what I am. I've never had therapy, never really looked it up. I'm the sort of person who is much better off not knowing some things. What I can tell you is this...

I'm incredibly anti-social, in real-life. If I can go a week without speaking to people, it's a fucking result. I have to tell myself to leave the house sometimes. I'll just make sure I go out really early or really late at night so I don't encounter humans.

I'm a hypochondriac, but I'm absolutely fucking terrified of doctors and hospitrals. Go figure. If I've got a mole I don't remember, but have most probably had my whole life, it's skin cancer. Short of breath? Lung cancer. At the same time, there's no way in hell I can go to the GP and get a check-up. Yeah. It's great fun. Someone I know at the moment is currently in hospice, less than a month, I expect. People keep mentioning what's wrong with her, and her symptoms. I can't help but try and relate them back to something I've experienced. It's like this connection I have to make. Never actually written about it before... Sounds fucked up when I do.

Emotionally, besides the above, I'd say I'm challenged. I don't really feel that much. I've got absolutely no empathy. It's non-existent. I don't know if that's a mental health thing or not, but some people find it creepy. My nickname in school was cold-hearted bitch. I've been called cold, stoney and all sorts of weird shit. I guess I just don't get emotions. I don't get why births are happy things, or marriages. I don't get why someone dying in a film is worthy of crying. I don't get crying to be honest.

There’s more, but I’m not 100% comfortable with posting that here right now.

Writing this out in itself was therepeutic. Never done it before. Maybe I should do it more often!