It is a balancing act to be sure, and it is a relief - there is no other word- when a parent with Alzheimer's passes. It's a state of mind that creates cognitive dissonance within us. We are so acutely aware of their suffering in this life that we are grateful for their newfound peace and sad that we are missing them all at the same time. It is a feeling that will come and go for a number of years. You can think of it a little like a wildly swinging see-saw that eventually levels out with more blessed moments of fond memories. It's not the floodgate experience that you go through when grieving these losses, to be sure. Eventually you can talk about your Mom with fondness, assured that you will meet again.
Hope that helps. I've been thinking about you a lot. I know how hard this loss is.
Twila
Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.~~Robert Frost
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