We Need to Have A Talk About Writing...

First thoughts: I wasn't quite sure what to expect from a children's fantasy steampunk world. But I have to say, I love it. This short story is really entertaining, and I love the end, where the children get their own (children's) versions of the traditional mechanical steampunk horses.

Plot/Story: This is a short about about a brother and sister who each receive a rather wonderful gift from their father. Jonnz, the boy, is annoyed he wasn't allowed to go to the yard sales with his father. He feels he is old enough to go and help him out now. His annoyance is abated when his father returns with a Pegasus for him, and a unicorn for his sister, Seya. This is such a clever way of making it an alternative version of steam punk. I wish my father had brought me presents like that!

Characterisation: You write the characters of the two children beautifully. We see them squabbling over who is doing which chore. We see Jonnz's feelings of unfairness, feelings that it's time he was treated more like an adult. I think everyone (especially children of this age) will relate to that. Seya, on the other hand, is a sweet little girl. She seems eager to please, and full of love.

What I Liked: I loved the ending, where Seya makes the joke about Jonnz having to pick up his Pegasus's manure from the trees, and Jonnz thinks, "No doubt Nanny Cook would want me to get some eggs while I was up there." That made me chuckle.

Parting Comments: This is an enjoyable little story. You've managed to fit a lot into relatively few words. It's funny, relatable, and intriguing. Great job.