Noticing Newbies

So this is me starting all over again. Not sure what to expect and not even sure I am up to it. Life changing when I was younger was exciting, now it is simply terrifying. I am not that young girl with stubborn expectations of entitlement for a future full of excitement and blossoming optimism. I am now a well-worn disciple of life lessons and blessed humbleness. I have learned to expect less and absolutely know I am not entitled to anything. It has not all been terrible but I can honestly say it has not all been fabulous either. The optimism hasn’t entirely gone to the wayside, but a certain touch of realism has crept into my girlish mindset. My rose colored glasses have become rusted with time and weathering of storms.

At almost 50 I have climbed my way through the entangled web of accomplishment to the top of a small organization. What does this mean really? It means that I am thrilled to see anyone under my charge fulfill their own sense of accomplishment. It also means that I am devastated to see anyone under my charge doubt their own sense of ability. Only the birth of my children, whether through live birth or the moment when two hearts realized they were connected, gave me a greater belief in my own universal destiny than what I find each and every day that I enter the Healing Centre known as my workplace. That being said, I still find myself searching relentlessly for an outlet to allow the endless stories of lives gone astray find their way out of my mind and into the bright lights of society. I don’t mean that they should be voyeuristic supplements; no I want them to become vestibules of moral markers for those still looking to find their way from the blackness to which they have become accustomed.

I choose to start over my later adult life in the same way as I began my early adult life; with courage and defiance, and yet now tinged with clarity and non-judgemental acceptance. My future is never completely set unless I become complacent, so I have no way of knowing how things will play out at the end. One thing I do know is, as of today this is me starting all over again.