The Originals - Symposium From Topic 1

Review of "Autumn Concert" - I've received feedback to my reviews, but they always come to me through email response. I don't usually keep those, but this one I did and the conversation regarding that poem which is posted below:

On 11/26/14 at 2:02pm, ShelleyA~15 years at WDC wrote:

> Hi Susan.
> You're very welcome. I really like this poem. It's melodious,
> and yes, I think changing colorful to "colored" sounds better
> to the ear rhythmically.
> Your friend,
> Shelley
>
>
> On 11/26/14 at 1:10pm, turtlemoon-dohi wrote:
>
> > Shelley........oh wow!!!! This review is worthy of printing and framing !!!!!! Many
> times
> > I thank you. I am soooo pleased you like it and responded telling me so.
> > This piece is a contest entry, so once the contest is over, I will take out the comma
> as
> > you suggested. I agree.
> > Also, I am thinking about changing the word "colorful" to "colored
> > melodies" in the last line. Sounds better to my ear, and doesn't change the
> > meaning. What do you think?
> > From a grateful oginali (friend)
> > Susan
> > Tmoon
> >
> >
> > On 11/25/14 at 6:49pm, in a review for "Autumn Concert" , ShelleyA~15 years at WDC wrote:
> >
> > > General Disclaimer: This review reflects my opinion
> and
> > is
> > > given with the intention of being constructive and encouraging. I hope you find
> this
> > > review helpful.
> > >
> > > Hello turtlemoon-dohi . Good day to you.
> > >
> > > "This is an official Paper Doll Gang Poetry Rockin' Review"
> > >
> > > I am reviewing your poem "Autumn Concert"  for the
> > "Gang's Monthly Review Board" 
> > >
> > > ~Title:
> > > A good title that is suitable to the subject of your poem. It sets the stage for
> it
> > in its
> > > reflection of the theme's intent while at the same time capturing the
> poem's
> > > essence as it acts as a portal to invite readers into it. Nicely done.
> > >
> > > ~General/Form/Style:
> > > For me, poetry opens the door of opportunity for the writer to explore different
> ways
> > of
> > > presenting poetry and to do it in new and unique ways to stimulate readers even
> if we
> > > sometimes bend the rules of forms to make it our own. I'm a formalist poet
> and I
> > love
> > > to read, write and create form poetry. I love most styles of poetry, and am
> partial
> > to
> > > short rhyming poetry of which this is a fine example. A very good write about
> the
> > music of
> > > the autumn season, its beauty and richness of the woodlands that is heartfelt
> and
> > > whimsical. Good use of brevity. Skillfully crafted free style metered rhyming
> poetry
> > which
> > > is short, concise and succinct which I enjoy very much.
> > >
> > > ~Imagery:
> > > Imagery is good as are the descriptives. You utilize this poetic device very
> well in
> > this
> > > piece. Good use of color and shading in your wording to promote and evoke
> feeling
> > through
> > > sight and sound. Through the lens of your eye and heart, you paint a vivid
> picture of
> > the
> > > rhythm, melody and movement seen in a forest, a palette of rich rainbow colors
> > conducted
> > > by the autumn season that any reader can appreciate and see in their mind's
> eye.
> > >
> > > ~Flow/Rhythm:
> > > Flow is good; line to line transition and breaks are done well. Very nice rhythm
> and
> > nice
> > > use of enjambment.
> > >
> > > ~Metaphor/Personification/Simile:
> > > Nice personification of trees, "songs sung" by them; of fall: composes
> > > "ballads"; of leaves, notes that "serenade"; of winds that
> > > "whistle" and of foliage dancing, a "ballet whirling, spiraling and
> > > spinning" - good descriptive/comparisons.
> > >
> > > ~Rhyme:
> > > Rhyme is good as is the rhyme scheme: abccddee. A nice mix of near perfect and
> > perfect
> > > dactylic, feminine and masculine end line rhyme that is executed very well in
> this
> > piece.
> > >
> > > ~Tone:
> > > Lovely depth of feeling. You express the beauty and elegance of the fall season
> as
> > seen in
> > > the woodlands through a symphony of color and dance, an expression of the autumn
> > winds and
> > > sunshine painting the leaves and foliage through nature's artistry that is
> > amazing,
> > > filled with charm that gives delight to those who see its richness. One can
> sense the
> > > enchantment in its orchestration. Nicely done.
> > >
> > > ~Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation:
> > > Word choice is good; nice use of onomatopoeia (whistle). Good use of
> alliteration,
> > > assonance and consonance. No spelling errors found. Punctuation: just a
> suggestion to
> > > remove the comma at the end of line three. This will make the flow and rhythm in
> the
> > > following line even better in my opinion.
> > >
> > > I especially like the following lines:
> > > "Bronze, gold, and red notes serenade a harvest moon,
> > > While autumn winds whistle a woodland tune." I love these lines. I like
> the
> > > powerful imagery. It is a beautiful expression of the lyrical melodies
> orchestrated
> > > through a burst of color by nature that is vivid and vivacious. Nicely done.
> > >
> > > ~Overall:
> > > Good closing lines. Well penned and a most enjoyable read. Write on!
> > >
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>
> ** Image ID #1710018 Unavailable **
>
>
>