Noticing Newbies

Hi everyone,

My name is Brenda, and I'm a newbie here...lol

I'm happy to be a part of such an inspiring community of thinkers and writers. I've been writing since 1985 and have thousands of poems that have yet shed their wisdom to the world, but I'm getting there. I can't say that I'm a born writer, because when I try to write a poem, nothing happens. They come down when they're supposed to and usually my writing begins when chaos, confusion or fear enters my life. Some higher power shares these poems with me and I am blessed to be the writer, it helps purge the soul and opens up the mind to so much more inspiration.

I am currently working on my manuscript of 300 of the best of my writing to get published. I think it's time that the world saw what the other side of the coin looks like through the eyes of someone new. I'm blessed to be able to write what I do, and when I do get a chance to look back on my writing, I'm awed by the words that were shared with me that helped me, or helped another person that I shared my poems with.

I lead a solitary life, due to what I call "medical madness" that started in 1985 with a broken rib being misdiagnosed as Rhomboid muscle strain. It took a year to find help, to find someone to believe me and not think I was making the pain up, as many have said. By the time I found my thirteenth specialist, the broken rib had done its damage to destroying muscles and nerves, I had an operation to remove the rib, nerves and muscles, which left me with neurological damage that I still to this day fight with the Workers Compensation Board to be seen as permanently disabled.

I have had to advocate for myself throughout this nightmare, and the pain I deal with daily takes it's toll and leaves me isolated in my home 24/7. I've been medically experimented on in 1991 to use this medical device called a Spinal Column Stimulator. It's a machine almost like a TEN's machine, except it's more powerful and is hooked up to your spine and wires are hooked up to the damaged nerves, when the machine is turned on, it sends electrical currents through the nervous system cutting off pain signals with a tremendous vibration that ran 24/7. When I first got this machine inserted, it helped the pain 50%. And after eight years of being out of work, it only took me a year to finish a Administrative Assistant course and find a job that lasted eight years. Unfortunately, I wasn't monitored as I was supposed to have been because of the machine in my body, I was forgotten about and had no idea that the machine was supposed to be replaced three years after being inserted.

I lost my first job of eight years because the machine malfunctioned one day at work, causing me to be electrocuted internally for almost five minutes until someone noticed my plight and pulled the plug on the transmitter. During those five minutes, I thought I was going to die. My body contorted, I couldn't speak, or cry out for help and the electricity was affecting my heart. If my co-worker hadn't unplugged the device it would have killed me.

I wasn't aware of much regarding the machine, but it took me down and took me out of society for another couple of years, trying to get the machine replaced. Which it was in 1998. Unfortunately the surgeon didn't put the wires in the right spot as first time, and didn't test the machine before sewing me up and when I turned the machine on a week later, I realized the current was running down my legs, not in my upper back as it was supposed to have been. Calling my surgeon, ruffled his feathers and he refused to fix the problem, which left me without the ability to walk properly for almost two years while searching for a surgeon who knew about this device and could help me. Not many did and I was turned away too many times. When I finally found a surgeon, he said he would fix the wires as they were not in the same position as the first x-ray showed, but he forgot about me for almost a year and when he did the operation, he had to redo it again, because he didn't place them far enough.

The madness continued, I got better, found a job, and once again was forgotten about. And I forgot about the machine as well. It ran 24/7, was like breathing, you didn't have to remind yourself to check. That was my downfall, because another eight years passed when the machine malfunctioned again, electrocuting me in 2008, while working for the Federal M.P., and once again, my co-worker saved my life. Once again, nothing was investigated, I wasn't seen by anyone that could help me and I was left fighting to get the machine taken out of my body completely, it was starting to cause infections and was outdated since 2003. Nobody warned me that it was obsolete, because that could have saved a lot of losses.

I finally had most of the machine removed in 2012, it had been left in so long it had grown into my spine and they couldn't remove all the wires due to scar tissue forming over them. I have joined the class action suit against the manufacturer of the device. The machine I had in my body was programed and locked, so it should not have gone haywire and electrocuted me. The manufacturer should have notified me regarding the machine being obsolete and outdated, but they never and couldn't explain what happened other than it being left in four years longer than it should have.

After eight operations, my mind and body are mangled. Because I don't go out anymore, I'm isolated and I'm sure a few thousand people know that with isolation comes depression, and loss of hope that I cling desperately to daily. If it wasn't for my writing, I don't know where I would be. That will be my legacy to the world and many of my poems are a wake up call.

I still advocate for myself where the Workers Compensation Board is concerned and no longer take the harassing attitude of the Adjudicators there who have done their best to assassinate my character. And as I go on, I will right the wrongs that have been done and help change the system by whatever means necessary. Injured workers pay a price for being injured at work, and unfortunately, being put in the "system" given a number, and harassed daily about returning to work takes it toll. But we fight nonetheless for justice and peace while we try to recover. The more people cry out, the faster we can get changes made. But, until then, we wake up each day and ask God for the courage to see us through.

I thank all of you who listen and read my poems. It means a great deal to me, to share my experiences and show that courage isn't just a word, but a daily action.

I'm trying to find my way out of my isolation and want to get my world back. From here I begin....


Pay it Forward....

Have a great life journey