Mystical Meditations

Hello, can I join this group?

I'm feeling a little disappointed because I have just been eliminated from the October Nano Prep. I'm still going to do the exercises to be a runner up because finishing this novel is something I take seriously but what I really wanted was the full-length review of my novel, which looks like something I will be missing out on now.

The problem I have is that every now and again, if I'm not careful, I get caught up in a low mood which takes me away from the things I want to do in my life. It's hard to explain, it's like there's this voice in my head that tells me I have no talent so why should I bother, and I spend so much energy trying to block the voice out that before I know it, all this time has gone by and I feel as if I've wasted another chunk of my life.

A psychologist friend of mine says if I have anything, it would be dysthymia. I can function enough to get by, but I don't want to allow my feelings, or whatever this is, to get the better of me. I want to enter plans and competitions and feel confident that I do have a chance of completing or winning. I haven't sought proper counselling because I have been waiting to arrange my insurance. I work in the financial services industry and see first hand how expensive life insurance is for those with mental illness. In fact, I still have about three months left to go before I can seek counselling before it won't affect possible insurance claims in the future.

I'm just so damn sick of it. I am actually really disappointed in myself for not being able to write the assignments in time. I'm even sick of being disappointed in myself. I don't know what to do to manage this. This seemed like a good place for me to vent what I am feeling and maybe one of you will be able to understand my disappointment and frustration.

Serey