Mystical Meditations

Nangwaya,

There's nothing "stupid" about whatever causes stress; I mean just being alive is stressful.

I always thought I was the "strong" one, who could bear anything. But what I actually did was assume a "position" and absorb the bad stuff other people put off. Instead of rejecting it and tending to myself, I took it and added in my own stress until I was nearly past the point of no return. Suicidal anticipation and hopefulness, psychosomatic heart and respiratory seizures, and out of control mood swings that could not be medicated, etc., thrust me into a fight or flight mode. I often give God credit for saving my life once again, and moving me to a state of fear. Fear trumps most anything, and now I am trying to remember how it is to be loved by my mother and brother. God is good. Stress is not.

Now it is time for me to walk, stretch and breathe deeply...and repeat...

wizzie


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