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Rated: 13+ · Message Forum · Contest · #896794
Enter your story of 300 words or less.
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Jan 10, 2013 at 1:18pm
#2481551
Edited: January 10, 2013 at 1:20pm
Re: Entry 1/9/13
Good story. Lots of emotions from awe to despair to the happy ending. All in less than 300 words. Just one thing nagged me: the word "up" in the third paragraph makes the sentence awkward and could be omitted. Also a few extra "was" words could be cut to make room for more useful words, like in first paragraph "was ragged could be just "ragged" and "were heavy" could be just "heavy". Minor things, that don't really detract from the clever story. Keep writing!
Teal1355
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Entry 1/9/13 · 01-09-13 11:48pm
by A Non-Existent User
*Star* Re: Entry 1/9/13 · 01-10-13 1:18pm
by Teal1355 Author IconMail Icon

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