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"2 Christmas songs destroyed " Topic 1 Emptied Purse (to be sung to Joy to the world) Joy to the store! This shopper has come. Let Joy buy a g-string Let her dangling purse Open up in gloom For many gifts to bring And many gifts to spring And many gifts to sting and many to swing Joy to the store, this shopper reigns Let goods their darts employ While crowds in blood Crockpots and pains Pull ahead the hounding Joy Push ahead the hunting Joy Pull and push ahead the hounding Joy Joy to the store with a dimeless face To make the shopkeepers cringe The drain of her haggling And the pain of her hustling And ills of her trade And aches and pains of her haggling And deals with her temper Knowing she’s no good camper And aches and pains of her haggling No more her packages will grow, Nor money will infest her purse --- Topic 2 Tinkle Smells (To be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells ) Dashing through the mall In a stiletto-sway O'er the displays I fall Shoving all the way Hell’s in cashier’s ring Making my insides sting Such fun it is to shop in fright Of the bladder’s backbite Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells Tinkle all the way Oh, what fun it is to find A restroom to sit’n spray Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells Tinkle all the way Oh, what fun it is to find A restroom to sit’n spray After an hour or two I thought I'd take a piss But pushed forward a little miss And seated with a hiss The stall was dark and dank Toilet tissues lacked Finally on to the seat I sank And the darn flush cranked Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells Tinkle all the way Oh, what fun it is to find A restroom to sit’n spray Oh, tinkle smells tinkle smells Tinkle all the way Oh, what fun it is to find A restroom to sit’n spray |