Whine & Cheese Company, Inc. - 1

Dear Mr. Jimbo,


I think that name sounds much more profeshnal, don't you?

I am very distrot with your company. I was told specifically to ask for Bubba, cus'n he was in charge of the complaint department, and it wuz at the address I sent it to. Now, I get this letter back from you at some other address. What do you think I am? You'z jest givin' me the runned around! You and Bubba is tryin' to hassle me up good, and I ain't gonna take it, cuz I got my rights!

MR A BIRD
MR NOT
OSAR C DEM WINGS
LIB MR A BIRD

That was the first conversation I had with my boy, Sue. (I called him Sue so he'd get real tuf with a girly name.) I wrote it down word for word. He pointed out to me dat whut was in the box you sent was most certainly a bird. A patriot bird, or sompin ‘ike ‘at. It came free with my cheese order.

Now, you is claimin' that you ain't got no birds. I did manage to find de bird. You wuz right, he done messed all in dat box, but I discovered Sue done took him out before I sent it, without me knowin'. He kinda got attached, that sissy boy!

Anyways, we fixed the cussin' problem already, by ourselves, since you wasn't gonna do nothin'.

The other mornin' my wife was a cookin' up some breakfast when dat bird went a cussin' up the house like a sailor. I don't let no body talk to my little cumquat dat way, so I grab dat bird and throwed him in de closet. Well, he kept on a cussin', screamin', and carryin' on. So, I grab dat bird out throwed him in de bath tub. Dat bird cain't fly, ya know. And, I pour de water all over him to get him settled down, but he keep on a cussin'. So, den I just got sick of him and throwed him the de freezer. After a little bit, the whole house got dead silent like. I wondered whut had happened. Maybe I kilt him. So, I take him out ther, with him shiverin' and all, and he say, "Hey buddy, what'd the chicken do?"

So, I reckon we got dat problem solved. I'd still like to take issue wit you makin' my boy a sissy! Sendin' us dat bird. He otta be able to kilt dat bird an eat him, if'n he were a real boy. I need you to jest come on down here so's I can whoop up on yo butt. Jest how big an ole boy are you, anyway?