DWG: WDC COMMUNITY REVIEW REQUESTS

Prologue

I was seven when a demon first came to me. I felt its cold presence, I felt the room grow still and I felt the battle for my soul, as the darkness grew around me until I could see nothing. . . until I was lost and confused. A still small voice travelled on the wind and the earth stirred in response to the gentleness of its commanding authority, when the word of the Lord came to me concerning my future.

I know the plans I have for you, plans of peace and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then shall you call upon me and you shall go and pray unto me. I will hearken unto you. You shall seek and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart.

God’s presence enveloped me, protecting me, cradling me against the hand of the enemy.

I couldn’t see Him, but I felt Him as close as I felt my own heart beating within my chest and my faith, placed unwaveringly in his hands, grew like a sprout from the earth watered by his agape love.

I was twelve when another attack was made for my soul and by then I knew the yearnings of men who couldn’t control themselves. I felt the hands that slipped under my tunic and I was familiar with the unwelcomed touches venturing my body. I eventually became aware of the ugliness of sin---their sins but I also became aware of my own helplessness, though I could not comprehend why I was so utterly pathetic. Why was I so vulnerable, why was I such an easy target. . .why wouldn't it stop? Maybe it was the lump of fear forming in my throat restricting any chance for steady breathing, maybe it was my eagerness to please by being obedient. . .maybe it was my flesh reacting to the desires of the carnal side within. Only God knew.

I know the plans I have for you. I would hear Him say to me.

Plans, what plans? Plans of peace and not to harm me you say?

Evil visited me more frequently; I felt the demons around me, I felt angels protecting me, I felt the battle. . .

As the years droned on, there’s only so much evil one could withstand and I no longer wanted to know the Almighty One's plans. I would try to forget the many hands that touched me, the many faces and the unwelcomed presences. The scars however were not so easily erased, they weren’t physical nor could they be seen, for they were scars of the heart---scars that ran deep and for which I feared there was no healing. I’ve begun to think I’m not normal anymore; a tear trickles down my face and I wonder. . . do I feel? I think bad thoughts, secretly do wicked things and above all, I don’t want to care nor do I wish to understand the Almighty One’s plans. I wonder, if I give into the evil one’s devices, will God still have plans for me? Will he still protect me if I chose to follow the callings of my flesh? Will he still love me if I became a woman full of sins?

I’ve taken the road of no return. . .in the Gospel of John I am an adulteress without a name. No one knows my story; no one knows how Christ found me. This is my story; this is my walk with God.