What's Your Story?

Hi, I'm Sinai
I'm originally from Haiti and I was taught that God was a bad god that made us to bad things so he could punish us. When I got up adopted, I began attending my "homeschool" taught by a Christian woman by the name of Betty Tangbakken. Our curriculum is Christian based and everything that I was reading didn't make any sense to me. They were saying that God was a just God and he loves us and wants to protect us and ladidadida :p One day I asked my teacher about this in a very accusatory way. She told me the story of Jesus and pretty soon I had memorized John 3:16. After that, my mom bought me a creole(the language of Haiti) Bible and I started reading it and asking tons and tons of questions. I found that I liked the God I read in the Bible better than the God that I was told made me do bad things to punish me. Mrs. Tangbakken prayed with me and I accepted Jesus into my heart and when the Holy Spirit came to be in my heart, I felt like doing back flips! I soon got involved in my youth group and went to the camps, asked questions and I was certain of the new God I had found. My freshman year in high school, I was at the Christ In Youth seminar in Durango with my youth group and more than anything, I felt that God wanted me to go into missions. When I told my mom, she was very excited and encouraging, although some other family members weren't so thrilled. One asked, "What is it with you Christians that makes you feel like you have to save everybody." I answered in the best way that I could. I used shopping :) I told her the way I felt about God's message was the way I feel about a shoe sale. If there was a huge sale where you could buy the cutest shoes for the cheapest price, wouldn't you tell everyone you know about it?! I know that's pretty weak compared to God's Word, but being fourteen, a "newbie" that's the only way I could communicate how I felt. So yeah, God called me to tell everyone the Good News, and I did, in a way that's unique to me :p. But after awhile and opposition, I started to doubt whether what I was feeling was from my own head, or God really wanted me to do this. I was scared and I neglected to read the Bible, pray and just asking for guiding from the people around me. I was scared that God was calling me out of my comfort zone. I continued to go to youth group and such, but I just wasn't feeling that God high anymore. It wasn't until last year, around the time of the tornadoes that I really dove back in. My youth coach, Joe, was from Joplin where one of the tornadoes hit and we as a youth group went to help out. Well, I was supposed to be with them. I wrote the following so that I will never forget what God did for me:

I Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young
But set an example for the believers
In SPEECH, in LIFE, in LOVE, in FAITH, and in PURITY


Into the Arms of God
I slept through my alarm clock. I missed several phone calls from Joe. I nearly missed the text from Fina that would land me in Joplin, Missouri. I believe that God wanted me in Joplin. I thought the things I would learn would be through the things we were doing in Joplin. Never did I think the lessons would be in the process of ending up there.
On the morning of July 31th, I slept right through my alarm. I don’t quite remember if it went off and I shut it off or I just slept through it. I woke up at six am and saw that I’d missed four calls from Joe. My phone had been on silent. I panicked and ran to my mom’s room and told her I missed the trip. I started crying like a baby. I went back to my room and called Joe. I apologized for wasting his time, because I felt that there was enough room for someone else to have gone and done something good for Joplin. I had taken someone’s spot and didn’t show up. I showered all the while beating myself up about being irresponsible and dumb. I fixed my hair and went to the kitchen for some coffee. I sat in the family room and watched an hour of television. I was depressed. My family was slowly getting up and asking me why I wasn’t gone and I had to keep saying, “I missed it. I missed it…” Finally, I just got sad and was almost crying again and went to my room. I don’t know why I checked my phone other than the work of God. I didn’t want to talk to anyone at all. All I wanted to do was cry, but I looked at my phone. There was one text. Fina, Joe’s wife, had texted me AND called. This is what I heard:
“Hey Sinai, hun, it’s Fina. I’m calling to see if you were interested in traveling with a family friend of ours that’s here. Actually from the Joplin, Missouri area. I didn’t know if you received Joe’s previous messages and I was telling Stephanie about it and she said they’d be willing to give you a ride. Alright hon, I love you. Bye.”
It turned out that the Smiths lived only five minutes away from the church that the group was staying in! FIVE MINUTES. My bag was all packed and ready to go. My dad quickly took me to Lifebridge where Stephanie and her husband Travis were waiting. They have three daughters, Alexis, Malory, and Kinsley. We pulled up in front of the youth center of Christ Church of Oronogo only two hrs after Joe and the vans. They were just arriving from dinner as we pulled in behind them. I later found out that my parents were looking into flights to Joplin. I believe that God was already forty steps ahead of them. If I had ended up in Joplin through an airplane, I wouldn’t have learned the miraculous ways in which God works. Also, I would have been viewed as that spoiled child that her parents flew her out because she was irresponsible. It would not have held the same value. God wanted me in Joplin, but not in the way that I thought he did.
I am different though things are not. I came back from Joplin, Missouri Friday night around nine pm. I was thrilled to see my family and that in itself was odd. I’ve been away from home before even longer than those six days. The Christ in Youth movement down in Durango, Colorado is usually a week long. I’ve never missed my family as I did when I was in Joplin. Part of the reason is that, I was so emotionally bruised. Joplin was devastating. On the first day, we went out to pick up debris. Driving though the city we saw piles and piles of trash! We were told that Joplin is 85% clean. To see how destroyed it was then; I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like the days, weeks and even the months after the tornado first hit. Arriving on our job site, the first pile we came to had a little brown teddy bear with a red bow around its neck. That should have been a warning to the kind of week I was going to have. We worked outside shoveling and scooping up what seemed like trash, but had been someone special to someone else. Throughout our week, we found legal papers, documentations, pictures and going through the lives that were destroyed. It was all so sad and overwhelming. At the end of that first day, one of our group members passed out. Krista Cullen. This was due to the extreme weather conditions we worked in. All week we had record breaking temperatures. That day was 113o F. I was shocked by the effort random strangers were putting into this broken city. I saw an elderly lady who must have been eighty picking up planks of wood and picking up debris. We quit working around 12:30 and went to Ozark Christian College to eat our sack lunches. When we got back to the church, we all just hung out together and I got to know the people I would be with all week. Going into Joplin, I had my thinking of what things would be like, what I’d see, what I’d do… God had a different plan.
Day two, was more picking up of debris. We got there at eight o’clock and by eleven o’clock, I was shaking and dizzy. I was put out for the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t work but instead just got to observe the strangers working side by side for a cause that wasn’t all their own. During debrief that we did every night, Ryan asked us not to become desensitized to our surroundings. I know how easy it was to put it off for a time while I was with my friends. It’s easy to forget when it didn’t happen to us. It’s easy to become discouraged when it all seems hopeless. We read this verse:
Psalms 46:1-3
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
The third day was the most depressing to me. A small group, including me, got to go to Salvation Army and talk to some of the victims. I met a woman who was huddled under a bed with six other people and her month old baby. The baby was blue and stiff during the storm. Her eyes wouldn’t open and her body wouldn’t move until they were able to get into a truck and get the heat going. Another lady, on her birthday, found out she had two types of cancers. Not even a month later, this F5 tornado occurred. Everything she owned was gone, even the things in storage. After lunch, Chad, the youth leader at CCO took us on the tour of the path that the tornado took. It was just devastating to see it as a whole. I kept looking for someone to blame but I couldn’t. It was one evil force of nature that destroyed over one hundred sixty lives. Chad’s home was ravaged and destroyed yet we could still see little signs of hope. He took us to this spot where a cross stood. He then explained that behind that cross, a church used to stand. Everything was gone, but that lone cross standing brave against the fury of the winds. That night after debrief, I spoke to Amanda Brown and Paige about all the walls I had up and what I was hoping to learn from this Joplin trip. Again, God had different plans for me. I was/am just tired of having a barrier with people and being unwilling to let them in. I am always scared to get close to someone and then having to let them go. That’s why I feel like a phony sometimes because I act like nothing fazes me, but on the inside, I am screaming. I long for peace for Joplin and what God has for its future. On Thursday, the last day of work, we ended up cleaning up debris again. All the groups- California, New Jersey, CCO, and Colorado worked together and the community we had together was amazing. We made some awesome friends who were kind to us in letting us stay in their youth center and then being so open to us. I met Luke, a wonderful guy who was so open about his life story and what he wanted to do. This inspires me to see that no matter where we come from or what we’ve been through, God can use it. I am hopeful and scared now seeing what God has done. He brought me to Joplin in the most spectacular way. How was it that the Smiths were visiting Joe THAT week and then leaving THAT day and it would happen that I’d sleep through my alarm! God works in beautiful, mind blowing ways. He takes mistakes, and uses them for his work. I look forward to see what he has in store for me. I drew closer to the type of meaningful friendships I long for. Being in Joplin, I felt older than I am. I am exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, and wide awake spiritually. For the first time since I can remember being a Christian, I am willing to put me aside and allowing myself to let God do his magic. So many beautiful friendships were formed. Girls were looking to me for answers that I wasn’t sure I had but felt the Holy Spirit working through me. I didn’t think I was a leader but God, ah God, yes he knew. He knew all along that I needed to spend time with Amanda, Paige, Evan and just godly people who surrounded me with faith and just acceptance. Not once did I feel unsafe during my trip into a dangerous place. The Smiths drove me miles and miles away from my comfort zone. I didn’t feel unsafe. My heart nearly broke when I first saw Joplin. I didn’t feel unsafe. I had heat exhaustion. I didn’t feel unsafe. I feel revived in my faith and ready to do His will. I made a mistake and God gave it purpose. He showed me he has plans for me and I am ready to freefall into his hands.

Thank you for letting me share this with you! I'm graduating in nearly a month and I can't tell you how excited I am to see where God's hand will lead me. I am hoping that it'll be back to Joplin to Ozark Christian. I would love to reconnect with everyone I met :) God bless!
--- Sinai