Story Cafe

Welcome to writing.com! I love how the beginning of your work it says, "millions of hearts with desire, longing for something Extraordinary and an insatiable appetite for something out of the amazing..." that sentence was what really pulled me into your story. I love all the details in your story, how well you described the bakery. I also really liked how the character opened the fridge to get something dieted but grabs the cake instead xD. There's nothing here to change really besides grammar editing like changing "u" to "you" and "wile" to "while" and "ur" to "your" and "bt" to "but" <--- sorry I hate being all grammatical correcting when people say that to me but hey, just here to help. Oh and something that I just learned a couple days ago (after being "new" for a few months now) was a place to get your stories noticed are:
"The Shameless "Plug" Page"

"The Review Request Page"

or you could just go on your portfolio click Create Item then Static and follow the rest. Good luck and welcome again(: