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 |   Social forum to offer support and information to at-risk youth & peers seeking information |
From all I've researched and heard from various psychiatrists/therapists, most suicides are decided days, sometimes several weeks in advance...while that's a double-edged sword, allowing your mind to run wild with thoughts that during that time you could've done something, it also allows for a small amount of peace as well. Yes, my stepfather most likely intended to take his own life long before the actual, tragic day on which he did, but - Once the decision is made, the victim's brain chemistry is literally altered from that point forward, much in the same way that one might move on from grief over the loss of a loved one. There's a sad and somewhat stomach-clinching irony to that...thinking of anyone, your friend, my stepfather...any of those we lost during the terrible few weeks last fall that inspired this Initiative to begin with, moving through life having accepted their own suicide. Maybe soldiers or police officers come to those terms at some point; it's just so foreign to consider our friends, our family, our classmates or neighbors, struggling with such anguish to the point where the brain triggers a proverbial "all-stop" in its base-emotional centers. If you burn your hand you quickly pull it back and try your best to treat it. You wear your seatbelt. You lock the doors at night. Self-preservation is the easiest routine to take for granted for - perhaps - the very best of reasons...it's often the only thing that keeps us here. But to mentally and physically become capable of overriding one's own inherent, instinctual *need* to remain alive...that takes a massive amount of energy, and once decided (according to those I've spoken with regarding the subject) a potential suicide victim, once having reached that stage, would've had about a 1 in 3 chance of overcoming their own mentality. One's brain essentially becomes the enemy, and as to why...to put it simply, even regarding what little we understand about the brain and psyche we aren't absolutely certain, and we can't even comprehend the possibilities of what we don't understand at this point. I refer to psychiatry (in a short story, of course...easier to address this topic that way) as "darts in the dark." Even if you do hit it right, there's no promises as to why or how. So much of my writing dwells upon loss in some fashion, and rightly so I believe. Our best work, however tragic, is born in our hearts, however broken...the important thing to remember is to find some way - a safe method - to work through it. Mine was through characters, though I mourn for them as well, silly as that may sound. We recently (25 months after my stepfather's suicide) learned that in the summer of 2008 he was treated for Lyme Disease, prescribed antibiotics, but (being the paragon of health, training, and fitness that he was) waived his follow-up appointment where they would've retested and, more than likely, retreated more aggressively...if you're familiar with the M.O. of a spirochete, you can imagine the subsequent months over the winter. But we're lucky - unbelievably so - just to have a potential suspect as to "why" in this case. Most just...never know, and for two years of our life as well, we struggled to make our blind peace with his decision, and I feel for anyone in that position. My heart aches for anyone in that position. I feel as if I've become cold in the past two years...maybe I have in some regards, maybe it'll change. Either way, while I would do all I safely could for anyone in these far-too-common shoes, I know I would never wish a fraction of it upon anyone. At this point, I would consider what I hope to achieve in my life regarding "Suicide Prevention" (for any age group) to be a building Crusade, waiting only for the chance to acquire a listening audience. With our talents, such should be a part of all our lives I believe... Bless you Andrew, take care of yourself these next few weeks, and once again - thank you Brooke, a thousand times ~ Drew |
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