Emotional Writing

I wish you were clean, I wish you were pure - but wishing isn't taking me anywhere, is it? So just forget the words I speak, like you ALWAYS do. You could shotgun liquor, take a hit from your pipe, and inject another sedative into your blood. WHATEVER! I don't care anymore.

You're pure destruction. It's not a small line between right and wrong, it's a giant f***ing gap that you just CAN'T ignore. But you must be stupid, because you just keep messing up. Bad choices and obviously wrong decisions. You're just too screwed up to notice. But do what you want to do, what you've always done. It won't make your problems disappear. Nothing will. Not even the lying that you've learned to do. You lie to everyone, hell, you even lie to yourself. You've lost touch with what is real. Well Mom, I'M REAL! And I want to help you, but you have to let me. You've gone into such a state of emptiness because you make yourself numb to everyone, especially me. You don't even realize I'm here anymore. I've done everything in my power to get to you. I'm just one step away from ripping out every strand of my hair, or weaving a blanket with the threads of my skin and implanting a mirror image of your dream onto me just so you'll stay. And right now, you're sitting here empty, like some helpless little girl, making life into one big lie and you know it won't help. Neither will that heroin you're injecting or that boyfriend who hits us so hard, we're almost unrecognizeable. But let me guess, he's changing, and you're changing. But not today. Maybe tomorrow will be different, right? But I don't want to do this anymore! I'm sick of waiting for a tomorrow that never shows it's face. I thought this was right, I thought this was normal, but I'm only losing myself more and more each day.

Mend your own goddamn life into the mold you so desire. There was a time when all I wanted was to be just like you, but that was also a time when I believed you were pure, beautiful and sane. Tell me you're sorry, that's all I really need. Because I'm still young you know?! Apologize before I grow up, mature and realize a life without your struggles weighing me down, is a better one overall.