Writer's Fallout Shelter

Ok, my immediate thought was, "It's too long". Editors and Agents are very busy people and tend to prefer short, to-the-point query letters. You should be able to sum up your book in a sentence or minimum of a paragraph.

You mention another book you're working on. I'd suggest NOT mentioning it. You want ALL of the focus on THIS book, not one you may or may not finish writing that you may or may not follow up for this agent to represent. Us language that indicates this book isn't your only work but don't mention any book other than the one you want this agent to represent.

Stary with your introduction to the book as your first paragraph. HOOK! The editor/agent is far more interested in your work than he is in you. If he's not interested in the story he won't be interested in an unknown author. If your name were significant you'd put it first. Stephen King would put his NAME first because the name sells the book. For unknowns, the BOOK sells the name.

Select genres and mention them. I know you believe it's difficult to categorize this book in such a way and it could help to focus on what that agent/publisher generally represents. If they work primarily with fantasy (and your book is close enough to fall into this category) call it a fantasy. Pick a genre or three and mention them.

The wordcount is a little high. It can be daunting for a publisher to consider printing a run of 120K word books by an unknown. If your genre is fantasy it's more acceptable but you should remember that every book a publisher takes on is a serious risk to their publishing house. If they print a run of say, 5,000 it costs tens of thousands of dollars and if they don't sell out that run they'll be out of pocket. Publishing houses want to MAKE money, not lose it, so the less they pay to print the run the better. If you're up to another edit see if you can eliminate some words.

I'd avoid quoting from the book. Most query letters can include a sample of the book, usually the first chapter sometimes the first three chapters. Let those chapters speak for you. It will shorten your query which is the big plus but again, you should be able to sum up your book in as few words as posssible. Agents and Editors have a pretty keen eye and if they like the breif description (one paragraph) they'll look at the first sentence of the first chapter, and if they like that they'll read the paragraph, the page, the chapter...

The introduction signoff are fantastic and the language polite and professional. You've done an excellent job presenting what you feel needs to be said. If you can cut it down to just the basics I think you will have a stronger cover letter. Of course, no matter how good a cover letter is you'll get rejections. Publishing or even just getting representation is all about timing and depends a great deal on luck. You can have the next best seller and a fantastic cover letter but if that agent/publisher just isn't 'right' it won't be picked up.

Stay persistant, keep sending it out, keep working on the next project, 'keep on keeping on'. You'll get there eventually.

Have fun and keep writing,
Yours truly,
Rebecca Laffar-Smith