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Good idea Maryann... hmmm (evil grin)...


Maryann’s Idea for Option B - Buying Kirk a New Red Jacket On the Way to Vulcan


Kirk and Spock wandered through the packed shopping bazaar that was truly well… bazaar.

This was worse than any alien threat than they had ever encountered. This was more malicious than any Klingon they had to contend with. This was even more bureaucratic than any meeting at Starfleet Headquarters on San Francisco that Kirk had ever had to endure…

It was shopping in the Mall on Boxing Day, the first day of Sales…

“Remind me Spock, what are we doing here again?” Kirk griped as a little old lady banged his arm as she rushed past him.

“It’s the first day of Sales Admiral, and you are in desperate need of a red coat.” Spock answered evenly.

“I am?”

“You are indeed, particularly due to the fact that you left your last one on the planet Genesis, which has since exploded.”

“C’est la vie! Such is life, as the French would say. So I lost a red coat? Do we really need to put ourselves through this?” Kirk complained.

“We do, Admiral. Especially since we are now en route to Vulcan, to return my Katra to my rightful body and out of Dr. McCoy’s head.” Spock said.

That made Kirk pause in the middle of the shopping aisle, and he looked back at his comrade.

“Yes, we are. Isn’t it funny, how you are standing there and talking to me now, as if this has already come to pass?” Kirk pointed out.

“Admiral, I have come to find it’s best not to query Paramount Pictures or any part of the Star Trek Franchise that may cause contradiction in the Star Trek Universe. Otherwise, it may bring up again the question how Klingons appeared in the pilot episode of ‘Enterprise’ when they were not meant to appear in the time line of the Star Trek: Chronology until our own dealings with them.” Spock arched his left eyebrow.

“Yes, I see.” Kirk sighed.

Just then the two were nearly knocked sideways by a mother with a stroller and two toddlers on either side of her as she charged forward, but Spock with his quick and strong Vulcan reflexes, was able to move the them out of the way in time.

“I recommend that we hurry Admiral, as the natives continue to grow more and more aggravated.” Spock suggested.

“Good idea.” Kirk gave a nod. “And don’t call me Admiral, call me Jim.”

The two friends quickly picked up Kirk’s red coat from ‘Colorado’ and then began to make their way back to the carpark on Green Lvl 6 for their beam-out co-ordinates.

“Hmm…” Kirk put on the antique glasses that McCoy had only recently given him as he examined the tag on the back of the new red jacket. “The shop was called ‘Colorado’, but this tag says this jacket was made in China.”

“As was the case in many of these large Western companies Admiral, many of the products were manufactured in countries where sometimes even the standard of living of the workers was a great deal much poorer than the consumers who purchased the products.” Spock, forever the science officer and well known know-it-all replied.

“I suppose it’s like the Ferengi trying to buy the Original Enterprise, NCC-1701 and flogging it to the Next Generation crowd when they’re all happy with the NCC-1701-D.” Kirk sighed tiredly. “And don’t call me Admiral, call me Jim.”

“That’s one way to look at it Admiral… and I must now remind you now that we cannot mention the Ferengi yet in only Star Trek 3 – The Search for Spock as the species has not yet been introduced until Star Trek: The Next Generation with Captain Picard.” Spock pointed out.

“Wonderful.” Kirk rolled his eyes. “It’s the Kobuyashi Maru scenario all over again. And what ever happened to Kirsty Alley playing Saavik? Some of our fans even thought that Robyn Curtis’ Saavik was a completely different character.”

“The 20th Century actress by the name of Kirsty Alley was offered a role on a popular show during that era, called ‘Cheers’. She then later on became a spokeswoman for a weight loss company.” Spock informed his leader.

“Really?” Kirk’s eyes widened. Then he guiltily looked down at his own growing waist.

“Yes Admiral, er, sorry, Jim, that is precisely why we needed to stop off on the way to Vulcan and replace your lost red coat with this one. With you only wearing a white shirt, it is not the logical choice for middle-aged human male putting on weight. The red jacket over the white trim, however does look more formal and smart.”

“Spock…?”

“Yes Jim?”

“Don’t call me Jim! It’s Admiral, thank you!” Kirk grabbed his shopping from his former compatriot and walked off in a huff.

“Yes Admiral.”


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(A conversation between O'Brien and Bashir, ST: DS9, 'Take Me Out to the Holosuite')

B - "What are you eating?"
O - "I'm not eating, I'm chewing."
B - "Chewing what?"
O - "Gum, it's traditional. I had the replicator create me some."
B - "You just... chew it?"
O - "No, they infuse the gum with flavour."
B - "What did you infuse it with?"
O - "Scotch."

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