Red Opium.

It was because I held back & used alternatives, like I would feel like doing it, and then just tell myself not to do it, or if I just had to hurt myself, to scratch myself with my fingernails because then I could get the requisite pain but with hardly any actual skin damage, you know? (particularly since I bite my nails) It was just this time everything overwhelmed me. Also, before, I had quartet practice almost every day, so if I really felt bad, I knew that I still got to be around at least 2 of my friends (since sometimes it was trio practice). So now that we're not doing that anymore, I'm alone a lot more of the time, so I don't have that...buffer, if that's the right word. Plus, I still live at home with my mom & dad, and I even told my mom before, and she didn't care.

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look long into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."-Nietzsche
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