SLAM!

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a screamed request to play something a bit gayer, lighter, airy
f-sharp minor, e-flat minor are so dismal, desperate, depressing
yes ma'am, I know (no ma'am, nothing else works)
Mozart andantes or Chopin nocturnes
were my favorites, have ever since retained the magic
bringing a joyous calm, highlighting the sadness
which shakes my deepest memories to the core
offering total relaxation -- where 60s style pre-zen
yoga positions I couldn't perform, never cut the mustard --
so that I could breathe easily at last

a pressure-cooker life of battling step-parents
unattainable perfection
and a screaming fury if I didn't try harder
the reprimands which often followed feeble attempts
kept me locked with the piano
as long as my fingers remained my best friends

six-in-the-morning sunlight came from behind
the wall of windows to the keyboard's left looked out
on the sunken barbecue garden of stones and mossy bricks
it was used little, except for between-the-stones weed-extracting
in front, as I played, I could watch the dogs run
in the back yard where crabapple trees and a magnolia
held bird competition, inspiring my kinship with Messaien
and at the proper moments I could just glimpse
the tops of the trains as they passed
on their regular schedules
accompanied by Bach preludes and fugues --
Grieg lyric pieces ended the day at midnight

but only the forbidden sad songs
soothed my heartbroken soul
giving me the only means
to lightly caress the perfection
which even there, was never recognized





         the room with the piano
         6 june, 2006
         (Slam! Fourth Preliminary Round)