The Womanly Arts: Forum

I just finished reading the book and the posts, and the REFLECTIONS on how to be a good wife.

First of all, let me just say the The Critic and Jessebelle are wonderful co-editors. Great Job, both of you!

I can’t even imagine the world of the wife in the reflections article. I am a tail-ender baby boomer, aged 46. I have sisters 9 and 11 years older than me and we were raised in a comfortable middle class Southern California home that my own father built. Mother didn’t start working part time until I was in grade school. I can never remember a time when she cleaned us kids up before my father got home from work, or invited him to relax under a fluffed pillow before dinner. Not that he didn’t relax, but it wasn’t at her behest.

Some of the comments, such as, don’t greet your husband at the door with complaints, are just common sense and timeless. But making sure the house is quiet and peaceful, in this day and age. HA! Or maybe that’s just a So Cal impossibility

And the issues of understanding the pressures of his day; those really have to be reciprocated. Even a stay at home mom (which I was, and a homeschool mom, too) has conflicts and tension to deal with all the day through. A successful marriage will involve two individuals who recognize that they are not the only ones needing TLC at the end of the day.

Really, this article seems like a Twilight Zone episode!

That’s not to say it doesn’t sound appealing on some levels. In fact it reminded me of the signals my husband and I devised to deal with unexpected bad moods when we first got married. If he was feeling crummy and grouchy when he came up the walk after work, he was to ring the bell instead of letting himself in. If it was I in the bad mood, I’d close the front drapes before he arrived home. In this way each of us would have a little forewarning and could make the appropriate accommodations to avoid a blow-up. After a time it seemed not to be needed, as we got to know each other well enough to read the signs right off the bat.

Having been raised in an Evangelical church, I am well acquainted with the wife of the Proverbs. I agree pretty much with the cornerstone points however, I am another who rankles a bit at the idea of sitting quietly.

Now, yesterday I was waiting for my Chicken Melt at the local hang out café and overheard an elderly couple arguing. Their conversation was an example of why it is sometimes good to follow the advice not to be outspoken against your husband in public. The bitter attitudes the evolved from their conversation as she spoke against him were not pleasant.

However, in a group where discussion is taking place, I believe there is a way for a wife to speak her mind, even to disagree with her husband. As has been mentioned already, it all comes down to courtesy – the kind of courtesy we should all show each other when we have a disagreement. That is, choose words carefully, and be mindful not to insult or demean the other person. A good, hefty disagreement, handled properly, even in a public discussion, can bring a greater degree of understanding between a couple. So it has been for my husband and me.

I fully agree with not interrupting or speaking for your husband. This communicates way more than merely being outspoken about a differing opinion.

So many of the points are merely issues of courtesy and love, and of living in peace and prosperity with another individual, whether it’s a husband, a parent, or a roommate. When my younger daughter was going through her snotty teenage stage I used to reprimand her for treating her friends better than she treated her dad and me. It’s not like that any more, but it’s a common trap we all fall into from time to time: taking advantage of the comfort and security of our at-home relationships and letting bad behavior creep in.

On the sex subject. This is an issue for discussion, too. And I’m talking about the conflicts that arise between husband and wife, which create tension and misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

Enough said for now
Thank you ladies for your efforts here
girl