K'neto's Hotline

 (This message was edited by volvox on 06-13-05 @ 7:01 am EDT)

You just might think I appreciate too much... maybe you've noticed the generosity in my giving of stars... it was only a coincidence that I did like Marshall's work...

So here is one of my feedbacks with an average rating attached...

Believe it or not, I was rewarded 500 gift points for this particular review (courtesy of we luv in-depth reviews):

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"Invalid Item"  :

Review To: sshaffer
Reviewed Anonymously?: No!
Review Time: 06-08-05 @ 1:46pm
Review's Rating: 3.5
Review Length: 2,553 Characters
Review Follows:
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your request for an item review has been granted by the super-reviewer, Spiral Kinetochore!


Hi! This is you friend K'neto, your friend and ever-supportive reviewer, with a very honest and in-depth feedback for your piece.

Your piece has a strong standpoint in it. I like what you've written here. There's a lesson in it that I very much agree with. Kudos for managing to come up with a creative analogy!

Here are my comments and suggestions:

First of all, I'm not really sure if "dandalion" is accepted in the English Dictionary... so, well, check it out.

I suggest a comma after "all"... I'm pretty obsessed with commas. :P

A colon after the first sentence of the second paragraph, and a semicolon between the two questions.

You need not enclose "the weed" with quotation marks... and capitalizing it is unnecessary... and I suggest you replace it simply with "a weed" (with no marks). Take note of misspelt words such as scientists, paychecks, and categorizing.

"clover" should be pluralized for parallelism... you used too much of quotation marks... but they are unnecessary as I have mentioned... your work can do alone without them... these marks can irritate a reader. < I'm not kidding!

Use "it's" instead of "its" > I clean unwanted foliage out my flower and veggie gardens because its in the wrong place, not because someone labeled it a "weed".

You suddenly use "So my question is..." < You already mentioned two questions in the first part of your piece. I suggest revision.
- You could have made a better concluding statement or question... I did not get it... Perhaps you could try rephrasing it or explaining it a bit more.

In a nutshell, your article is a nice essay which can enlighten a confused mind about all kinds of discrimination... I really liked its content but I had to give you a lower score because you failed to end it with a punch. But you have promise in your writing so keep it up!

Keep on writing, and I'll keep on reviewing!

This has been K'neto, now spiralling down on your port.

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But don't get me wrong... I'm not in the mood for bragging.

I'm pretty fair when it comes to ratings myself... I value them too much, I wouldn't stand cheating.

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http://lourland.blogspot.com