Please Help in my search for understanding |
An open letter to all December 19, 2012 This is a time of reflection for me, there have been fundemental changes in the way I have to see the world. Time has ceased to be something I can ignore; and has now become something of which I must be acutely aware. I have not become a clock watcher but I have become aware that eventually the well must run empty. My mind is filled with the many things I have seen, and so many things I see with these old eyes each and every day. What can I do with the time left that will leave this world better than the day I was born? I am asking questions, and digging through a lifetime of experiences for answers. I am fortunate in that I am aware that I have time enough to sort through all the fragments of my life and put things in some semblance of order. That is a large advantage, I have time to say “I love you.” I have time to try to make amends. I know that saying I’m sorry does not take away the negative effects of things I have done or left undone. But becoming aware of how others see the “less than perfect aspects of my life” can bring reality into clearer focus. Perhaps just perhaps, I can be forgiven for being less than I could have been. Because of the Holiday Season, the proximity of “Thanksgiving and Christmas” I am acutely cognisant that something is missing, It is easier to look elswhere “ ie, The crowds in the Mall,” and point my boney old fingers at “them,” instead of looking at the only person over whom I have any control, ME! What is it inside of me that is missing? Thanksgiving is something that I know should be as habitual as breathing, yet it is all too easy for me to relegate the celebration of thanksgiving to a single day, with a roast turkey, and a bottle of sparkling wine. It is easier than expressing, on a day to day basis, thank you to all those whose path I cross; acknowledging the simple kindness others give me every day. A door opened or a simple smile in passing has a profound effect far beyond what we recognize as ordinary. This is a time of dreams, “confrontations with memory and the realizations of what is yet possible in my life.” I feel as if I have stepped through open doors into the sunlight where I have the power to see; if I am willing to open my eyes. It is also a time of extending a hand both to support others and to ask the support of all. It is a time of realizing it is a long way up the mountain, but if I accept the hand of the one ahead of me, and extend a hand to the next in line, perhaps all of us will reach our destination, together. Tomorrow I will endeavor to add to this. Please feel free to share your insights with me. Collectively perhapse we can do what none can do individually. |