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 |  This is a continuation of my blogging here at WdC |
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This will be a blog for my writing, maybe with (too much) personal thrown in. I am hoping it will be a little more interactive, with me answering questions, helping out and whatnot. If it falls this year (2024), then I may stop the whole blogging thing, but that's all a "wait and see" scenario. An index of topics can be found here: "Writing Blog No.2 Index"  Feel free to comment and interact. |
| External Writerings 2024 pt 4 So, it is time again for a list of my external columns. One I have not included (it was about a local event), but the rest are song lists, album reviews and even a movie list. Quick note: Weekend Notes is a column of being positive. So if I include a song or review something, I like it. That means if you want to read my Taylor Swift review and hope it is trashing her latest album, bad luck. Anyway, here’s April’s columns. There’s only six (I wrote only 7; life does interfere too often), so I hope you find something to enjoy! Songs about the wind. Just the wind. 6 new release albums from January to March, 2024, reviewed. Songs about things being electric. Songs about lightning, following on from the previous column. A review of Taylor Swift’s The Tortured poets Department. Written for ANZAC Day, my favourite films set in World War One. So, some music for you, some songs for you to enjoy. And, remember, clicking on the link helps me in my endeavours to make this writering thing a real job. {/linesapce} |
| Some Handy Latin Phrases So, you have a story set in ancient Rome, and you want them to speak to one another. You can use an online translator… and get vaguely correct translations. But only vaguely. My old Latin teachers and lecturers would have conniptions if they saw some of the translations. I know I do. So… This is from some of my notes from too many years of studying a dead language, now only used on Vatican radio and in Oxbridge. Greetings Salve = Hello (to one person) Salvete = Hello (to more than one person) Vale = Goodbye (one) Valete = Goodbye (more than one) Ave! = Hail (to a superior) Ave! Morituri to salutant! = Hail! Those who are about to die salute you! This was long thought to be the greeting of gladiators to an emperor or person running the show, but there is no actual evidence. Still, good to know. Insults Podex perfectus es. = You are a total arsehole. Stercorem pro cerebro habes. = You have shit for brains. Muliercula = What you call a woman who is not a prostitute, but you want to insuate she is. Pavo absolutus es. = You’re a total turkey. Ecce illa mammeata. = Check out those tits. Ita vero? Tutene? Atque cuius exercitus? = Yeah? You and whose army? Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant! = May barbarians invade your personal space! Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant! = May conspirators assassinate you in the mall! Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant! = May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy! Vacca foeda. = Stupid cow Vescere bracis meis. = Eat my shorts. Common Sayings/Quotes Age. Fac ut gaudeam. = Go ahead. Make my day. Potes currere, sed te occulere non potes. = You can run, but you can’t hide. Nox. Modo fac. = Nike. Just do it. Die dulci fruere. = Have a nice day. Rex Mundi sum! = I’m the King of the World! Miscellaneous Credo Elvem ipsum etiam vivere. = I think that Elvis is still alive. Pone ubi sol non lucet. = Put it where the sun don’t shine. Ursus in sylvis cacatne? = Does a bear shit in the woods? Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam. = I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head. Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre? = Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me? Fac ut vivas. = Get a life. Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi. = Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog. Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de anate debeo congredi. = Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a duck. This one’s for Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?. Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione. = I'm not interested in your dopey religious cult. Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo. = Don't call me, I'll call you. Nullo metro compositum est. = It doesn't rhyme. Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema. = I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem. Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari? = How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? This one’s for Adherennium Plotting something Prehende uxorem meam, sis! = Take my wife, please! Ventis secundis, tene cursum. = Go with the flow. O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem! = Oh! More! Go on! Yes! Ooh! Ummm! And never forget: Illiud Latine dici non potest. = You can't say that in Latin. Use wisely. (And remember to pronounce V as W, and to pronounce every letter, except AE, which is one letter.) |
| Some Nineteenth Century Slang More trivia! So… you want to write a story set in Victorian times (the era based on the reign of Queen Victoria of England, not the Australian state or Canadian island) or a little earlier, but are having problems getting the dialogue sounding authentic, and not just a Simpsons approximation of said language. As such, here’s a couple of lists of words to help spice up your 1876 romance story between the lady of the manor and the groundskeeper (though maybe Lady Chatterley’s Lover got there first)… Let’s start with British (or originally British) words or phrases: bags o' mystery: sausages balderdash: spoken nonsense barking at a knot: a waste of time (think “flogging a dead horse”) blazes: an expletive, related to “hell" bow wow mutton bad tasting meat (nautical expression that was also found in port towns) butter upon bacon: something that is extremely extravagant chuckaboo: someone who is a good friend. church bell: a woman who talks constantly and loudly and never stops cop a mouse: get a black eye dollymop: a woman who dabbled (only dabbled) in prostitution dratted: equivalent of saying “damn” nowadays fly rink: a bald head foozler: someone who tends to mess things up, or is so clumsy things get damaged. gigglemug: a person who always has a smile on their face. grinning at the daisy roots: died and been buried half rats: tipsy, slightly drunk kill the canary: take a day off by pretending to be sick mutton shunter: a police officer, equivalent of the modern “pig” poked up feeling embarrassed rain napper: umbrella sauce box: person’s mouth sell a dog: tell a lie some pumpkins: if something was some pumpkins, it was quite impressive strumpet’ a prostitute, or someone who dressed/ acted like a prostitute take the egg: win (a prize or an argument) tarnation equivalent of modern "damnation" as an expletive up the pole: so drunk you need a pole to keep you upright whooperup: a person who sings loudly even though they do not have a good singing voice wooden spoon: a stupid person And now let’s look at US words and phrases: absquatulate: take leave, disappear (a person) acknowledge the corn: confess, especially confess to a lie afeared: scared boodle: a crowd of people. bully: well done (by early 20th, used sarcastically) chirk: cheerful conniption: tantrum coot: idiot doggery: cheap drinking establishment, equivalent to a “dive” guttersnipe: homeless child who lived on the streets hornswoggle: cheat (usually a verb, sometimes a noun) mosey: move slowly and/or lazily mudsill: a member of the working class; in some areas, an uneducated person Philadelphia lawyer: a person believed by everyone to be almost inhumanly intelligent picayune: something small or frivolous pony up: pay a debt ramstuginous: rambunctious ride out on a rail: force to leave town tuckered out: exhausted vamoose: leave quickly wake snakes: raise a ruckus And there we go, a quick-fire 50 slang terms from the Victorian era (and before). Now, many of the British ones did find their way across the pond, but very few went the other way. But if you are setting a story in this time frame, maybe some of these words could help you. |
| Publishing News An increasing number of small publishers have decided to stop having open calls and are no longer taking unsolicited manuscripts for novels. Some are even no longer taking unsolicited works for anthologies, and a few magazines are taking this step as well. There was a press release from Author’s Publish concerning this (though they did take the blame for something as well, and I think that’s unfair, so I’m not mentioning that here), and I received confirmation when a publisher requested a story for an anthology from me (no guarantee of publication). They both said the same thing: there are three issues. Like I said, one of the Author’s Publish issues is personal, so the second one mentioned here comes just from the publisher who contacted me. First, mass/bulk submissions. With the ease of doing it, there is a growing group of writers (and I have been told their demographic as well…) who just send their manuscript to every single publisher with an open submission policy. No matter what the publisher wants, they send it. A children’s publisher getting inundated with adult soft-core erotica is the example the publisher gave me; this children’s publisher is now going out of their way to bad-mouth the writers in question, and there are threats of legal push-back. Entitled writers who think their crap don’t stink. Second, (and this came from the publisher) is that a growing number of self-published writers are submitting the books they have already self-published to trad publishers because they believe the line in the submission guidelines about not doing that does not apply to them. Again, I do know the demographic (and it overlaps with the previous demographic…) who is inclined to do this, and it is becoming more and more common. Still self-entitled jerks. Third, and this should be no surprise, is the rise in AI. Writers using AI to write sections, to grammar-correct the whole work without checking the grammar checking is right, even works constructed whole-cloth using AI, all of these are increasing in number. This is a very different demographic to the previous two, and could see some entire regions or groups of writers just ignored if submitting to US publishers. Look, we are all writers. Those who wish to go the traditional publishing route (and that is me; I will not put up here my thoughts on self-publishing or why I feel that way) need to make sure they are doing the right thing, or else they are not only messing up their own potential chance for success, but ruining it for everyone. Like I said, though – that sense of entitlement is prevalent and, looking at the demographic breakdown, maybe some sections of society need a damn good reality check and wake-up call. Yes, I’m pissed off. Screw you, all those who are messing this up for those of us who are doing the right thing. |
| Government Forms I have mentioned that I am going through old files, seeing what is what and so on and so forth, and as part of that, I found this list of government forms. Not sure where I got it from, but this could help those writing fantasy, speculative fiction, alternative history or even some other genres. Now, as a word nerd, etymologically-minded folks should note the difference between the suffix '-archy', meaning 'rulership', and '-cracy', meaning 'power', which both come from Greek roots. It is subtle, but when these terms were coined, that difference meant something. “Rule by” and “power given to” or “power in” are very subtle. Anywho, here are a heap of different forms of government: anarchy: government by none androcracy: government by men (males) aristocracy: government by the nobility biarchy: rule by two individuals (aka diarchy) bureaucracy: power resides in civil servants cryptarchy: secret rule decarchy: government by ten individuals democracy: government by the people ecclesiarchy: government by a council of priests ergatocracy: government by the workers or the working class exarchy: government by bishops geriatocracy: government reserved for the elderly or very old (aka gerontocracy) gynaecocracy: government by women (females) (aka gynarchy) hagiarchy: rule by saints or holy persons hagiocracy: government by holy men hecatontarchy: government by one hundred people heptarchy: government by seven people hierocracy: government by priests or religious ministers kakistocracy: government by the worst kritarchy: government by judges matriarchy: government by women or mothers or the eldest females meritocracy: government by the meritorious militocracy: government by military leaders monarchy: government by an absolute ruler (aka autarchy) monocracy: rulership by one individual (aka autocracy) (note the subtle difference: one is rule by an absolute, the other is an individual has the power, but is not absolute) nomocracy: rule of law; government based only on a legal system ochlocracy: rule by mobs octarchy: government by eight people oligarchy: government by the few pantarchy: government by all the people; world government paparchy: government by the pope patriarchy: government by older men or fathers pentarchy: government by five individuals physiocracy: government according to natural laws or principles plutocracy: rulership by the wealthy (aka chrysoaristocracy) polyarchy: government by many people ptochocracy: rule of beggars or paupers; wholesale pauperization sociocracy: government by society as a whole stratocracy: military rule that is despotism technocracy: government by technical experts; in modern times, rule by computers tetrarchy: government by four people thearchy: rule by a god or gods; body of divine rulers theocracy: government by priests or by religious law timocracy: government by the propertied class triarchy: government by three people Long list, but I hope it helps someone. |
| Writing Comedy This came up recently in the Newsfeed, when someone asked how I come up with the jokes I do and some of the weird little asides I put into things. I wish I had an easy answer. Comedy is something I write occasionally. My first ever book was a comedy about archaeologists, a riff on H.Rider Haggard (Relick); the only novelette I’ve had published (which I consider a short story) was a parody of Godzilla (Rex The Rotten: Beast From A Very Long Time Ago). Around two thirds of my published poetry is comedy, and 3 of the 5 creative essays I’ve had published were comedic. However, as I have seen with some of my Newsfeed posts, what is funny for some people is not funny for others. So many of my jokes people do not “get” or think are funny. More than any other genre, comedy is so subjective. And comedy is very cultural. I think Adam Sandler is as funny as turd on my bed; apparently United Estatians think he is a comedy genius. I find word-play, puns and clever double meanings the funniest; I really enjoy skewering of sacred cows. I find toilet humour and cringe humour or the humour of embarrassment to be painful and not at all humorous. What do I like? My favourite stand-up comedians are George Carlin, Paul Hogan (pre-Crocodile Dundee), Ricky Gervais and Bob Newhart; my favourite comic musician is ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic; my favourite comedy troupe is Monty Python and Life Of Brian is my favourite comedy film (though the films of ZAZ where all are involved are right up there as well); comedy duos I like include Roy & HG, Abbott & Costello and Sacred Weird Little Guys; my favourite comedy TV shows are Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Fast Forward, Blackadder, Fawlty Towers and Yes Minister/ Prime Minister; and my favourite comedy books are the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy series by Douglas Adams, a lot of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, too much Robert Rankin, and Road To Mars by Eric Idle, while my favourite comedy short story is ‘Mr Big’ by Woody Allen. And I’ll bet 95% of the people reading this will not have heard of or seen half (or more) of those. So, this is not going to be about what makes things funny. No-one can tell you what is funny and what is not; that is your opinion… no matter how wrong I think you are. This is also not about the various types of comedy; they all have their nuances, but that’s for the writer to investigate. And this is not about stand-up; this is about stories – the written word. So… how to write comedy. First, you need a story. Comedy writing is not just a series of jokes. There needs to be a story to latch onto. And one thing I was told was that the story should remain compelling with the jokes stripped out. e.g. Pratchett’s The Wyrd Sisters would work well as fantasy story about witches without the funny bits. Second, you need characters. Not stereotypes, not people just to be funny, but actual characters that the reader can identify with on some level. And all characters need to be different; this was where I think the all-female remake of Ghostbusters didn’t work – all of them were trying to be the Bill Murray character, when the original had 4 distinct characters. While having characters is true of every story, many comedy writers think in clichés. You need people. e.g. Arthur Dent in Adams’ H2GT2G is an everyman character, and he is different from the universe-weary Ford Prefect. Third, the jokes need to be merged seamlessly into the narrative. You don’t stop just to tell a joke; the joke must occur organically within the story being told. An aside should come at the right time, a joke should fit where things are occurring that makes it seem right. The good story writers do this well and it is hard to say how they do it – they just do. e.g. The bits from The Guide in Adams’ H2GT2G series. Fourth, the story should not be joke after joke after joke. There needs to be room to breathe and room for the story to happen. If you hit too much then the jokes start to lose their impact. Even if you have pages of funny (like Adams), you need a page every now and then when the funny slows down. Fifth, the ending is the hardest thing to get right, not being a let-down after so much funniness. Too many humour novels (and films) peter out to some sappy ending that leaves the reader feeling meh. A great example of a good ending is Spike Milligan’s Puckoon, where the main character has been arguing with the writer for the whole book (from page 2!) about the way his legs were written, and the book closes with this character abusing the writer for not fixing his legs yet. Sixth, a funny situation or idea may not necessarily make a funny story in the written form. A classic example is Mike Harding’s Killer Budgies, which sounds like a hilarious concept… and ended up being as funny as an ingrown toenail. You need to have meat on the bones. Seventh, and this is something a lot of writers get wrong (and I learnt in the editing process of Relick) – do not belabour a joke. This is not stand-up comedy where you can draw a joke out to heighten anticipation for a cathartic release; this is the written word where you need to get to the point. Less is more is something that I say when it comes to horror, and it works just as effectively in comedy. Don’t draw individual jokes or funny situations out too long. Eighth, and finally, not everyone can write comedy effectively. That’s not to say you can’t be funny, but writing comedy is something that is difficult and is probably the hardest genre to get “right” (if such a term can be used for something so subjective). Not to big-note myself, I like to think I can. Adherennium Plotting something gave me this review for a private item: “ Well it has taken me far too long, but I have now read it all. What can I say, I loved it. I know zombies are horror, but you inject a lot of brilliant humour into the story.” This is not to brag, but to show that I do have some experience in this topic. Anyway, I hope this was of help to someone. |
| Heinlein’s Rules for Publication with Commentary by Robert J. Sawyer Okay, this is taken from a newsletter by author Robert J. Sawyer [Copyright © 1996 by Robert J. Sawyer. All rights reserved.]. I first discovered Sawyer through the book Illegal Alien, then the Far-Seer trilogy… which had a strong first book and mediocre follow-ups. Still, his newsletter (mailed out to me from the USA, which means I got it like 4 weeks after it was sent) was something I received, and I transcribed it to the computer. In my search through my hard drives, I found this one and so thought I’d share. Sawyer’s commentary follows each rule, my additions are in italics. There are countless rules for writing success, but the most famous ones, at least in the speculative-fiction field, are the five coined by the late, great Robert A. Heinlein. Heinlein used to say he had no qualms about giving away these rules, even though they explained how you could become his direct competitor, because he knew that almost no one would follow their advice. In my experience, that’s true: if you start off with a hundred people who say they want to be writers, you lose half of the remaining total after each rule -- fully half the people who hear each rule will fail to follow it. I’m going to share Heinlein’s five rules with you, plus add a sixth of my own. Rule One: You Must Write It sounds ridiculously obvious, doesn’t it? But it is a very difficult rule to apply. You can’t just talk about wanting to be a writer. You can’t simply take courses, or read up on the process of writing, or daydream about someday getting around to it. The only way to become a writer is to plant yourself in front of your keyboard and go to work. And don’t you dare complain that you don’t have the time to write. Real writers buy the time, if they can’t get it any other way. Take Toronto’s Terence M. Green, a high-school English teacher. His third novel, Shadow of Ashland, just came out from Tor. Terry takes every fifth year off from teaching without pay so that he can write; most writers I know have made similar sacrifices for their art. (Out of our hundred original aspirant writers, half will never get around to writing anything. That leaves us with fifty…) This is something I tell so many people – just put pen to paper, metaphorically or literally. Rule Two: Finish What Your Start You cannot learn how to write without seeing a piece through to its conclusion. Yes, the first few pages you churn out might be weak, and you may be tempted to toss them out. Don’t. Press on until you’re done. Once you have an overall draft, with a beginning, middle, and end, you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to see what works and what doesn’t. And you’ll never master such things as plot, suspense, or character growth unless you actually construct an entire piece. On a related point: if you belong to a writers’ workshop, don’t let people critique your novel a chapter at a time. No one can properly judge a book by a piece lifted out of it at random, and you’ll end up with all sorts of pointless advice: “This part seems irrelevant.” “Well, no, actually, it’s very important a hundred pages from now…” (Of our fifty remaining potential writers, half will never finish anything -- leaving just twenty-five still in the running…) So many people give up because it’s “too hard” or they feel the story is not going anywhere. See it through; you never know how it is going to go until it’s all over. Rule Three: You Must Refrain From Rewriting, Except to Editorial Order This is the one that got Heinlein in trouble with creative-writing teachers. Perhaps a more appropriate wording would have been, “Don’t tinker endlessly with your story.” You can spend forever modifying, revising, and polishing. There’s an old saying that stories are never finished, only abandoned -- learn to abandon yours. If you find your current revisions amount to restoring the work to the way it was at an earlier stage, then it’s time to push the baby out of the nest. And although many beginners don’t believe it, Heinlein is right: if your story is close to publishable, editors will tell you what you have to do to make it saleable. Some small-press magazines do this at length, but you’ll also get advice from Analog, Asimov’s, and The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. (Of our remaining twenty-five writers, twelve will fiddle endlessly, and so are now out of the game. Twelve more will finally declare a piece complete. The twenty-fifth writer, the one who got chopped in half, is now desperately looking for his legs...) And Stephen King’s advice to actually stop editing at some point comes in here as well. But it is worth noting that very few in-house editors who look at work offer advice any longer because of the sheer number of submissions they receive. An external editor, however, is a good idea, or a good beta reader. Don’t trust yourself. Rule Four: You Must Put Your Story on the Market This is the hardest rule of all for beginners. You can’t simply declare yourself to be a professional writer. Rather, it’s a title that must be conferred upon you by those willing to pay money for your words. Until you actually show your work to an editor, you can live the fantasy that you’re every bit as good as Sean Williams (my change; the author he had here is “problematic.”) or William Gibson. But having to see if that fantasy has any grounding in reality is a very hard thing for most people to do. I know one Canadian aspirant writer who managed to delay for two years sending out his story because, he said, he didn’t have any American stamps for the self-addressed stamped envelope. This, despite the fact that he’d known dozens of people who went regularly to the States and could have gotten stamps for him, despite the fact that he could have driven across the border himself and picked up stamps, despite the fact that you don’t even really need US stamps -- you can use International Postal Reply Coupons instead, available at any large post office. [And those in Toronto can buy actual U.S. stamps at the First Toronto Post Office at 260 Adelaide Street South.] (How out of date is this?! But the premise still holds – finding that market and sending it off.) No, it wasn’t stamps he was lacking -- it was backbone. He was afraid to find out whether his prose was saleable. Don’t be a coward: send your story out. (Of our twelve writers left, half of them won’t work up the nerve to make a submission, leaving just six…) This is only applicable if you want to be a professional writer, I do understand that. Yes, some will just go the self-publishing route, and that’s their choice. This is for those aiming for traditional publication. Rule Five: You Must Keep it on the Market until it has Sold It’s a fact: work gets rejected all the time. Almost certainly your first submission will be rejected. Don’t let that stop you. I’ve currently got 142 rejection slips in my files; every professional writer I know has stacks of them (the prolific Canadian horror writer Edo van Belkom does a great talk at SF conventions called “Thriving on Rejection” in which he reads samples from the many he’s acquired over the years). If the rejection note contains advice you think is good, revise the story and send it out again. If not, then simply turn the story around: pop it in the mail, sending it to another market. Keep at it. My own record for the maximum number of submissions before selling a story is eighteen -- but the story did eventually find a good home. (And within days, I’d sold it again to a reprint-only anthology; getting a story in print the first time opens up whole new markets.) If your story is rejected, send it out that very same day to another market. (Still, of our six remaining writers, three will be so discouraged by that first rejection that they’ll give up writing for good. But three more will keep at it…) Firm believer here. My record is 24 rejections for a piece before acceptance. And I have collected over 500 rejections since 2012 (I did not submit in 2016-7); who knows how many before then, considering I started submitting in 1987? Not everything has sold, but many have. Rule Six: Start Working on Something Else (Sawyer’s rule) That’s my own rule. I’ve seen too many beginning writers labour for years over a single story or novel. As soon as you’ve finished one piece, start on another. Don’t wait for the first story to come back from the editor you’ve submitted it to; get to work on your next project. (And if you find you’re experiencing writer’s block on your current project, begin writing something new – a real writer can always write something.) You must produce a body of work to count yourself as a real working pro. Yep, always. I have between three and 10 items on the go at once. Of our original hundred wannabe writers, only one or two will follow all six rules. The question is: will you be one of them? I hope so, because if you have at least a modicum of talent and if you live by these six rules, you will make it. Most definitely – these are what I follow. Is that the reason I’ve managed to sell a reasonable amount? I hope you found this illuminating. |
| How I Learnt To Write Fiction Okay, the title is odd, but I struggled to find another one that fit. Of course, I learnt to write at school. Through primary school (which I know is not a US thing, but that’s your issue, not mine), I was taught how to construct written works beyond a simple sentence, and was shown the beginning-middle-end(as it was called when dealing with 8 year olds) structure; I read a lot from a very early age and things entered me by osmosis; I even tried my hand at a novel when I was 11 (as detailed in a previous post). By the time I hit high school at age 12, writing was well and truly in my blood. I wanted to write fiction that was like the things I read, but I struggled to put things down on paper the way I saw them in my head. Even I realised my writing lacked “something.” As part of my getting into the elite private school I did (through an academic scholarship), I was given my first bookcase as a gift from one set of grand-parents. The books I already had filled the bed-head and sat in boxes in a corner; now I had somewhere to put them all, arranged by genre, then size (nowadays I ignore genre and put my books in alphabetical order of author, with the Stephen King books and books featuring me having their own spots). I almost filled it straight away with what I already owned. But this meant I went through my books properly for the first time in a long time. I noticed had a lot more books which were novelisations of movies than I realised. Now, we had also recently got our first VHS video player (this was 1983) and I decided, just on a whim, to see how well the books compared to the films. Clash Of The Titans by Alan Dean Foster was the first, based on the 1981 Harryhausen film. And then it struck me – what I was seeing was being so well put into words on the page. That was the first one, and it led to a few more, and then I decided to write a novelisation of my own, based on the Hammer film The Gorgon, still one of my favourite Hammer films. My version was ten pages long; the novelisation was 220 pages. What was I missing? The stories were identical, the basis was the same… and when I compared the two it dawned on me what I was missing. The descriptions, the show not tell (though I didn’t know it was called that at the time), the way every little thing from sideways glances to a tap of fingers to the sound of the bodies turning to stone were detailed. I tried again with the film Conan The Barbarian, which was a new VHS release at the time so we could only borrow it for one night. This time my version was 50-odd pages long while the version L Sprague de Camp and Lin Carter was 250 or so. I was getting there. But that was how I learnt what was needed in fiction – novelisations of movies. I know many authors decry them as the lowest of the low, turning someone else’s screenplay into a book, but they were vital to me understanding what stories needed. Anyway, that’s me. |
| Language Trivia Something different today! As many who have read my Word Trivia Newsfeed posts over the past few years may be aware, I have collected a huge amount of trivia in my life as a perpetual student and nerd of all things… thingy. (Wow! Good words, Mr Writer!) So, having gone through a bunch of little Word and wps docs on an external hard drive in order to collate them into one document, I came across some little nuggets of language trivia, and I thought I’d share a dozen of them with my readers. Both of you. 1. Long in the tooth, meaning “old,” came from a descriptor used by horse buyers, and dates back to medieval times. See, as horses age, their gums recede, giving the impression that their teeth are growing. Therefore, the longer the teeth look, the older the horse. 2. The English (allegedly) letter combination “-ough” can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully. rough -> ruff dough -> doe ploughman -> plowman through -> throo Scarborough -> Scarbruh coughing -> coffing hiccoughing -> hiccupping thoughtfully -> thortfully 3. Rhythms is the longest English word without vowels. Euouae is the longest English word without consonants. It is an acronym from the Latin; a musical term used in religious music is a euoua and more than one (being Latin) is euouae. 4. A poem written to celebrate a wedding is called an epithalamium. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets. The two lines that connect your top lip to the bottom of your nose are known as the philtrum. The white part of your fingernail is called the lunula. 5. Anthropophagy is the technical, scientific term for cannibalism. 6. In 1945 a computer at Harvard malfunctioned and Grace Hopper, who was working on the computer, investigated, found a moth in one of the circuits and removed it. Ever since, when something goes wrong with a computer, it is said to have a bug in it. 7. In English, the word set has the most varied definitions. Oxford gives over 190; here are the most common 30. Verbs i) to put an object in a certain place (they set the vase on the table) ii) to have a film or story occur in a certain place and time (Rollerball is set in the future) iii) to cause something to be in a particular state (they set the building on fire) iv) to cause something to begin (their remarks set me thinking) v) to give work or a particular task to someone (I set to work on dusting) vi) to decide or establish (the school set a high standard for students) vii) to prepare something for future use (I set my PVR to record at 10pm) viii) to make certain (the meeting was set for Thursday the 8th) ix) (jewellery) to affix (a ruby was set into the gold of the brooch) x) (medicine) to put a bone in place to heal (the doctor set my fractured tibia) xi) (fashion) to style hair (they set their hair in a Mohawk) xii) to make a body part tight (they set their jaw firmly when insulted) xiii) to become firm (the jelly set in the dog-shaped mold) xiv) to assign (the teacher set 10 pages of homework) xv) (music) to provide music for lyrics or a poem (Harrison set the music for Starr’s songs) xvi) to go below the horizon (the sun set at 6pm) Nouns xvii) a group of similar things (I had a set of seven race cars) xviii) a collection of objects used for a distinct purpose (a chess set or chemistry set); also used in physical exercise (I did a set of 25 pull-ups) xix) (maths) a group of objects with distinct, stated characteristics (of the 25 shapes, only 3 made up the set of red squares) xx) a group of people who have a similarity (the art set of Sydney is ridiculously pretentious) xxi) (performance) where a film or play occurs, including the furniture and props (the movie set was a kitchen) xxii) part of a game of a number of sports (a tennis set is generally first to win 6 games) xxiii) a part of a musical performance before and/or after a break (the band’s first set last an hour, their second ninety minutes) xxiv) a position held by a body part (the set of their jaw told me they were angry) xxv) the act of having hair styled (a shampoo and set cost me $150) xxvi) a television (the TV set sat in the corner of the room) Adjective/Adverb xxvii) ready (are we all set?) xxviii) likely (he is set to become world champion in 2025) xxix) never changing (I have to be at work at a set time) xxx) (education) required (Beowulf is a set text for English Lit class) 8. The y in signs reading ye olde… is properly pronounced with a “th” sound, not “y”. The “th” sound does not exist in Latin (which is odd as it exists in Greek), so when ancient Romans occupied (present day) England, they used the Germanic rune “thorn” to represent “th” sounds, adding a new letter to the Latin alphabet. With the advent of the printing press the character from the Roman alphabet which closest resembled thorn was the lower case “y”. The “th” letter combination reappeared in the 14th century, though etymologists are not sure why. 9. The correct response to the Irish greeting, “Top of the morning to you,” is “and the rest of the day to yourself.” 10. The last thing to happen is called the ultimate. The next-to-last is called the penultimate, and the second-to-last is called the antepenultimate. 11. The right side of a boat was called the starboard side due to the fact that the astronavigators used to stand out on the plank (which was on the right side) to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port. 12. The study of insects is called entomology. The study of word origins is called etymology. Don’t get them confused…  |
| Imposter Syndrome Imposter syndrome is something that affects a lot of writers, especially when they start to get accolades or sales. It is a hard transition to go from something that may have been a hobby or a part of your life to something that gets you recognition. You feel you don’t deserve it and question why you’re being looked at in the way you are. That is “Imposter Syndrome.” However, let me start from a different angle. The following is a common story, and these sort of people are people I have encountered here on WdC. Not too often, but often enough. A person asks you to beta read their manuscript, or maybe pay you for editing, before they send it to a few agents who they are sure will pick it up. They tell you this will sell to one of the Big 5 publishers because it is that damn good. You proofread and edit 50 pages of his 350 page work. If you were a teacher, you would have worn out three red pens. There is no story; it is something that happens. You decide to rewrite, from scratch, the first chapter to show them how to format and what a story entails. This person tells you you’re full of shit, you’re jealous, this is a masterpiece, and they know it. You have done courses, been edited and received some accolades, maybe even had a few short stories or poems traditionally published. You think you’re wasting everyone’s time; they think they are going to be the next David Mitchell (or, probably, EL James). You have Imposter Syndrome; they have unrealistic expectations and unrealistic impressions of their own ability. Okay, let’s look at this logically. Maybe they’re really optimistic and don’t realise agents take less than 1 in 200 submissions. Maybe they have had success in other aspects of their life, and think this will be as easy. Maybe they don’t read much and don’t realise what their shortcomings are. On the other hand, you understand the industry and realise the writing world is as cut-throat as anything, maybe second only to the acting world or visual art world. You know you have to fight to survive. But there is a psychological reason. It’s called the Dunning-Kruger Effect. First postulated in 1999 and subsequently proved many times, Dunning and Kruger discovered that people with low level of ability in a field tend to overestimate their talent or abilities in that field. They don’t know what they don’t know, but have an inkling of what is required, the bare minimum. The most common thing in Dunning-Kruger is they have a small bit of knowledge and take that to mean they know everything about a topic. This is where pseudo-science comes to the fore. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. However, the Dunning-Kruger Effect does go on and finds the inverse is also true: people with a high level of ability or a higher talent in a field often underestimate their skill in that field. And isn’t that what Imposter Syndrome is? What causes this? No-one knows. For a writer, it could be rejections, a string of bad reviews, comparing themselves to the best writers unfavourably, apathy about their chosen career (and apathy can be more harmful than hostility), thinking they have not improved since they started ten years earlier (or more). But also ask if this goes into other aspects of your life? In my case, I suffer quite badly. I have over 100 pieces traditionally published, including 5 books, and yet I know I am crap. I was also a crap teacher, despite winning awards for my teaching three times in my career. I was a terrible pro wrestler, despite having a career lasting more than 20 years. But I keep trying. Because I can do nothing else. So, you might have Imposter Syndrome, and it might be holding you back, but, in my mind, it is preferable to the alternative, and suffer from Idol Syndrome – you think you’re great because your mum/ sibling/ grandma/ friends tell you you’re great. (Yes, I’ve mentioned Idol Syndrome before – the worst thing to happen to any artist.) |
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