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 |  This is a continuation of my blogging here at WdC |
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This will be a blog for my writing, maybe with (too much) personal thrown in. I am hoping it will be a little more interactive, with me answering questions, helping out and whatnot. If it falls this year (2024), then I may stop the whole blogging thing, but that's all a "wait and see" scenario. An index of topics can be found here: "Writing Blog No.2 Index"  Feel free to comment and interact. |
| Show, Not Tell – An Example It is a general rule of writing fiction that we should show what our characters are doing, not tell the reader. With the exception of flash fiction in all its myriad forms, epistolary fiction and pseudo-reality fiction, showing instead of telling is what makes a story come to life, and gets the reader invested. I have been asked on numerous occasions to write about it on this blog, to explain what it means, but I have struggled. Then I was asked after a review recently, “How do I show someone is angry?” They’d said in their story, “She was angry at her mother.” Well, I think by focusing on one emotion, I can demonstrate what is meant by “show, not tell.” Let’s start with the way people speak when they are angry. ”she said from between clenched teeth” ”her voice lowered as she spoke” what they say is in short sentences or clipped phrases they can yell, coming out of nowhere they can drop in an expletive, as mild as it might be, even out of nowhere – e.g. “For Pete’s sake!” – or can throw in insults or phrases designed to get under the skin or get a negative reaction use of sarcasm or accusations, even if baseless pausing before responding, trying to control their breathing as they do so This can lead to changes in the way a person breathes. breathing can become heavier, and make sounds breathing could also become faster (or this could be an either/or situation) pursed lips as they exhale, slowly exhaling, making noise as they do so nostrils flare (though this is also an indication of fear) inhaling “sharply (cliché alert!) Then a person’s face can change. In this case, you will probably want to use more than one. a tight or clenched jaw the eyes can become narrow a stare can intensify eyes dart everywhere as if looking for an escape; some people avoid direct eye contact when they are really angry, especially staring downwards or over the heads of the people in front of them face goes red (or neck or ears, or all three) a twitch, especially in the eyes the mouth becomes a “thin line” (cliché alert #2) or becomes a sneer (“curls into a sneer – cliché alert #3) veins “pop”, especially on neck and forehead; on the neck, this can also include the tendons tightening sweating can increase The rest of the body will also respond to anger. fists clenched or opening and closing at a person’s sides the shoulders and upper chest become tense, even twitching; the chest could also be puffed out, especially in males foot-tapping or restless leg lifting the chin, aiming it at the person the anger is directed at back becomes stiff; in fact, the whole body posture can become stiff rocking back and forth heart-rate rises, even becoming audible to the angry person Then there are actions that seem to only occur when someone is angry. slamming a fist into an open palm (cliché alert #4) punching a wall hitting a table pointing a finger, even jabbing it into someone’s chest swiping things off a table or desk with an arm kicking nearby objects – chairs, bins, anything on the ground tapping fingers on a table knuckle-cracking invading personal space of the other person (leaning into them, trying to stand over them, pace towards them) on the other side, it could involve moving away or turning their back on the person, or storming off exploding at someone completely unrelated to the cause of the anger Finally, there are inner thoughts, which are great for first person PoV stories. The following are only examples, but you can see where I am coming from. ”The walls felt like they were closing in on me.” ”My heart pounded so heavily in my ears I couldn’t hear what she said.” ”It was if someone had shoved an iron rod through my shoulders.” One last thing – in order for the written anger to be believable to the reader, the writer needs to understand why the character is angry. Is it out of fear, betrayal, grief, or something else? This can also be worked into the nuances of the writing of anger. So, I hope that helps with the concept of show v tell. Yes, this is only one emotion, but look at how much you can add to a piece to show anger instead of saying, “She was angry.” |
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