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| Taking my journal to a somewhat more public forum. Perhaps there is some exchange of ideas or shared experience. |
| Driving to work this morning and there it is. A tightness in my chest, a restlessness, all of my thoughts coalescing in a singular direction. I have a notion that if I am not careful I will not want to get out of bed tomorrow. I will wrap myself in the comforter, drink coffee with Alfred Hitchcock, and ponder all of he things I should be doing. Later I will lament everything I did not accomplish and my mood will be even more bleak... As of this moment...sipping lavender tea, trying to find some work item that will focus my attention, and wondering why the ellipsis is such a preferable piece of punctuation. It is good to recognize the cycle, now what to do with that recognition. |
| 22 day later I find myself adding to a "sort of daily" journal. I guess the "sort of" is much more loose than originally intended. Thanksgiving has come and gone. This year was actually pretty good. We managed to make it through without drama; no shouting or tears. The food, if I do say so myself, was excellent. My husband wanted mac and cheese, he brought home a pretty loose recipe. He always approaches my cooking as if I have never been in a kitchen. It is true that I do not particularly enjoy cooking on a daily basis but, I am pretty good at it. After several reminders about not forgetting to use gouda and the importance of getting the roux right, I was set up for success. The roux was smooth, spices were added in...a little smoked paprika...three varieties of freshly grated cheese were folded it, including the gouda. The cheese was layered with elbow macaroni. A little cheddar and parmesan sprinkled on top. It was delicious. After today the house goes back to normal. The crowd of 12 shrinks back to two. Gourmet mac and cheese returns to simple dinners for two. And the bathrooms will, once again, be clean. While I definitely need a nap, it has been a good week. |
| After a brief hiatus, the journal continues. I like music, I am mostly a lyrics person. The songs I like the most are typically songs that have lyrics I can identify with in some way. Every now and then I will hear a song that I have heard a thousand times and suddenly I have a reaction to the words. This happened on the way to work this morning. I am not, as a general rule, a Barenaked Ladies fan. They are ok, I don't change the radio station when they come on, (judge if you must but, this is my general reaction to Bruce Springsteen) at the same time, I don't seek them out. This morning "Pinch Me" was playing and I kind of felt as if they were reading my mind. In this moment, trying to understand the world around me and where I fit. Looking at my life and wondering who would really notice if I didn't show up. Then they get to the line, "I could leave but I'll just stay. All my stuff's here anyway" and realized I've said almost those same words 100 times in the past six months. At the same time, it sounds like such a happy song on the surface. And, yes I have started the Hunter's Moon story. It is a few days from completion. |
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