%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Recovery after a brain tumor was removed. |
|
When asked how am I doing? I often reply, Seven Degrees Left of Center. After a powerful seizure, an MRI scan found a lime-sized tumor in my brain. This happened in September of 2019. The tumor was located about one inch to the left and seven degrees from the center of my brain touching the hippocampus. An area of the brain responsible for coding and decoding language and memories. I have to start over each day because I've forgotten where yesterday ended. Over time, the brain learns to adapt. |
| How long have you sat and looked at your keyboard without touching a key? Or, holding your favorite pen without scribbling a word? Well, you are not alone. Writer's block happens to all of us. That may not always be the case. Sometimes, there is just nothing to say. So, my blog entry is simply to admit that I have nothing to say, and that is okay. Okay, I wrote something. That is a spark to what can happen next. Just admitting at that moment in time was an empty thought. I started a spark to hit the keyboard a few more times. It added to a simple idea that transformed into a few sentences, and now writing is happening. Should it be shared? I think so. If I write nothing else today, I have admitted it. Writing something is better than staring at a blank canvas. You will have some words written. Hence, writing has occurred. Click the like if you agree. |
| This week, I accomplished a task I didn't want to do. The weather was damp and chilly, yet I pressed on, connecting to my RV trailer to take it in for repair. Delayed by my lousy time management and the weather, I arrived just as the mechanics started their lunch break. I was wet and angry at myself for being late. An hour later, the mechanic said they could finish the repair if I waited instead of leaving the RV. Fair enough, yet my attitude didn't get any better. Another two hours passed before the job was completed. As I was leaving, I said, "Don't be offended, but I hope I don't need to see you all again. But if I do, I know where you are." Rather heatedly, the maintenance manager replied, "I hope we don't see you either." Those last few words weighed on me the following day—so much so that I called the manager. She was multitasking with an upset customer. Anyway, I apologized for the day before, and she replied, "You are a friend. I am dealing with someone who is not a friend. Thanks for the call. You have made my day better." The words, "You are a friend," touched me. Words are our most extraordinary power with each other. If you read this fare, hit the "like" button if you agree. "Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." --Dumbledore |
| I have worked on memory exercises and word games to improve cognitive strength. There is a measurable improvement in my real-time communication. The next day, though, well, it can still be like starting over. The slate isn't completely blank like it was two years ago. However, forgetting simple conversations is still frustrating. The best analogy is FOG. The fog is thick some days, but those days are fewer. The daily fog is thinner, like going up and down hills on the road. At the top, the fog is thick and hard to see through. Lower down, it thins out or even clears for a time. I am grateful for these improvements. The fog today is rather thin. It's time to take advantage of the clarity and write, write, write. |
| Dignity, or, to be more specific, self-dignity, has been missing from me. I didn't even realize it was gone until recently. Now, I want it back. Trauma has seasons and waves similar to grief. One day, I can feel okay. The next day, for a brief time, I remember the world I lost. Not just for me but for the world my family and friends lost. I also realize I lost something else: dignity. The dignity to realize it is okay; I need help with simple tasks. Writing is one of those tasks. These words would not make sense if it weren't for AI assistance. I admire my wife's dignity in visiting doctors with me. However, I can't remember the visits without my wife's acceptance. Even recording them for me to listen to later is little help. She has to explain the essential topics several times. God bless her, and please pray for her if you have a minute. I am growing my dignity in an attempt to write about my life. I am relearning that I can still have dignity in my successes. I will never be the same person I was, but that doesn't mean I can't find a path to dignity in being the person I am growing into. |
| I have to admit to some laziness lately. Audiobooks... The audiobooks are convenient, but they remove some personal imagination from the story. At least for me. What do you think? The same laziness has crept into my writing. I write half the word count now. The same can be said about this blog. I have thought about giving it up. But the journey isn't over. Learning to live with a brain injury is a daily struggle. Yesterday was a day that went horribly wrong. Laziness can also be an issue. I pissed off my wife. I had a day where each decision went wrong. This happens sometimes. She hit a breaking point, and I do not blame her. My apologies only go so far. She vented on how much she misses the old me. Believe me, though I can't remember the old me, I miss him too. Life is hard. I don't acknowledge how hard it is on those who love me. I do see this as progress. Learning or relearning communication is another skill in my reeducation. It is like graduating from the 8th grade. High School is around the corner. The lessons are more complicated and sometimes painful. However, a time similar to my teen years looks like a struggle about to happen. No one told me the emotional side of recovery is as equal to the educational side. I learned a valuable lesson. I believe it will stick. My wife apologized and forgave me. As I told her, I do not think she owed me an apology. We both need to acknowledge that we are together and that it is ok to get frustrated. We shouldn't hold it in so long it has time to boil. I am glad I don't have to go through puberty again; at least, I hope not. |
Waking up in an unfamiliar bed is easier than going to sleep in one. I thought waking up in a new place would trigger some confusion or stress, but torn out, trying to sleep in a strange new place is more difficult. Otherwise, the trip was pleasant. I adapted quickly to the surroundings. I still struggle with conversation, but my family is a blessing for understanding and accommodating my speech. |
| Doctors removed the brain tumor six Christmases ago. The days go by slowly, yet the years pass so fast. There isn't much to update these days. I have adapted to each day starting new-ish. Yet, the routine of each day is becoming familiar. I have a weekend trip planned, so we will see what happens waking up in an unfamiliar place. I would like to know if there is interest in continuing to add entries to this blog? Please like or message me if you want to hear more about this journey. Thank you very much. |
Another week has passed, and time moves on. I did get the first review of a short story. I feel good about a 4, "Paige"  I wrote in one afternoon. Reading the story today is surreal. I am trying to remember writing it. The win is I wrote a short story. It needs some cleaning up, but I wrote it. |
| As stated before, each day is a degree of starting over. The tasks and thoughts of yesterday have passed. The slate is blank, ready for another day. This is my life. I try to explain how each day starts, but nothing seems appropriate. I get up and make coffee, which is the part I have done. Then I watch some local news. From there, the day starts anew. What shall I do? What should I do? I checked the notes from yesterday. In reality, I didn't write any. Did I forget, too? Or did I get distracted and just don't do it? I don't know. I'm tired. I better stop, or the depression will shine through. Enjoy each day is all I can say. Because I know tomorrow, it will have faded away. |
| It is a Thursday, the beginning of another day. Each day is a new beginning. Today is Thursday. One might think starting over each day is a blessing. I did at first. Now that time has passed. The new beginnings are getting old. I can remember some details—the repetitive details of daily life. What I forget are the creative thoughts. Even using notes, each story lives only as long as the thoughts themselves. The daily repetitive thoughts will stick. A new idea has little chance. These few lines will only live for a short time. I can feel them fading as I try to type faster. There are blessings in every day. Cherish them. And there the focus, concentration, and... and ... then it fades away... |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
), I also have a brain injury, so I had completely forgotten about your blog. 
I'm SUPER glad you tagged me or I might never have read another post again. 
So, definitely use that thing that asks if you want to announce that you added a blog post. It will prompt me to read it. 
The words might not come as easily, but the talent is still there. 
Anyone can nominate stuff, so if you find things around WdC that you love, feel free to nominate them through "
That's amazing! I'm so happy for you because I'm sure that initial result was devastating! 
