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A place to keep my entries for various contests and challenges |
| This book is not only a place to create, keep, and store contest entries, it's also a log of items that may one day become something more. |
| Who cares where Waldo is, I'm more concerned over where Andre is! He was hanging around the bar, like usual, the last time I was in, but it's been about a week. He was supposed to post some resolutions for us to make fun of and tear apart two days ago. (Actually he has someone else take care of the posting, but still.) Even though he can be a bit crude at times, he's a likable fellow and his absence has me wondering if something didn't happen to him. I mean, he does pilfer bananas from the grocery store quite often, maybe they got wise and set a trap for him. Or, it could be the gas station down the street. The one he frequents to appropriate toilet paper from the men's room. It may even be, but I hope not, that he started taking some of the resolutions seriously. What if he decided to go for a hike everyday? Did anyone explain to him how this works? Andre may have decided to walk a couple of miles each day without knowing he is supposed to walk back! By now, he could be miles and miles away. Then again, he may just be down in the basement checking the banana rum, or exploring some of the tunnels. There are some strange and atrocious stories and rumors of those tunnels and they are dangerous to man and beast monkey! Just as likely, he may have left a note for Richard ~ Typing Left Handed   , who is not available right now, to post the resolutions, then descended to the basement to check on his swill rum and, after sampling various, and numerous, barrels of banana rum, wandered over to the room Wordsmitty ✍️  bunks in and passed out.I reckon time alone will solve the mystery of the missing monkey. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
For "Andre's Fractured Resolutions Blog-O-Thon!"  , prompt 2: I hereby resolve to take better care of my teeth. (Andre pronounces teeth as teef.)What could be a better New Year's resolution than to take better care of one's teeth? I think most people do a fair job, but there are some who lack in the area of dental hygiene. You know. they don't brush, they think floss is some kind of underwear that rides in their butt-crack, and fingernails are best to dislodge chunks of food wedged between their teeth (a playing card or a matchbook will also do. They have green teeth, foul breath, receding gums, and chunks of week old food decaying between their teeth. Some of their teeth are blemished with tooth decay as well as broken and or missing teeth. I really think I should have waited until after dinner to write this, it seems I've lost my appetite. For these individuals, taking care of their teeth is not only a great resolution, but a wonderful gift to any they talk to. I've had the opportunity to listen to a few of these types, and it's never pleasant. In fact, the most recent time was over at Andre's bar. Being a monkey, I reckon tooth care isn't something high on his list of things to do, like bathing and grooming. Of course, he does pick through his hair and eat anything he comes upon. Don't get me wrong, I like Andre. But, when it's noisy in the bar and he leans in close to talk to a person, it's like hot wind blowing over road-kill. I thought if I was coy about it, he might take a hint. I didn't want to tell him his mouth was nasty for fear that I would hurt his feelings and then he would hurt me right before he drug my sorry carcass out of his bar. So, I told him I had made a New Year's Resolution to take better care of my teeth, brushing, flossing, rinsing with mouthwash. It didn't work out as planned; Andre's reply: "Resolution, I didn't think you was that dumb. Nobody keeps resolutions, you idiot, they just make em so they can break em. 'Sides, if you're gonna make one, make it good, like hooking up with one of the dames around here. Taking care of teef, what a goof you are." "It aint nothin to care for teef, you just gots to get in a habit to do it. When you get up, you take a leak, right? So, after you pee, you grab the towel and wipe off the dribblings, that's when you wrap the corner round your finger and clean your teeth. While waiting for coffee, you drink a shot of banana rum, but before you swallow, swish it round in your mouth. Now, teef are taken care of. Also you trim your nails too short, you want them long enough to dig food bits out after you eat or get a match book or a playing card, that works good, too." I just nodded and tried to avoid his breath. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Fractured Resolutions Blog-O-Thon!" , prompt 1: I hereby resolve to get a job. With the start of the New Year, I thought I should resolve to get a job. Sure, I like to work! I mean, who doesn't like getting up in the mornings before time, throwing some leftovers, or maybe a sandwich, in a lunchbox, drive to some building and work like a slave? Maybe it's a good job. How does one define "good job"? I suppose it's one that has good pay. This makes me think of people who purchase a piece of junk and then complain, "I spent good money on that!" I can honestly say that any money I've ever had was good. Likewise, any pay I've received was good; it may not have been enough for the work involved, but it was good. Better than busting ass for nothing! Of course, there are things I enjoy doing, maybe I can find a job doing something I enjoy. But, I enjoy it because I pick and choose when, how, and why I'm doing it. If it becomes a job, I'd quit doing it, so likewise, if I took a job doing something I enjoy, in time I'm going to stop enjoying it because it's now work! I guess it's not the job that's important, it's honest work for honest pay. Honestly? What's considered honest pay? Sure, I'm sure there are some honest business people out there, but I've never found them. The ones I have known want more work for the same wages, they cut corners on materials and safety, and expect employees to drop anything and everything if they need extra work on the weekends, but if things are slow, they don't hesitate to lay-off or send people home. You know, after giving this resolution some thought, I don't think I'll resolve to get a job, it's already bringing me down and I haven't even started yet. Besides, if I get a job I'd have to quit in a few weeks or a month, maybe two just because it is a New Year's Resolution and they are just made to be broken. So, in good conscience it would be unfair to my employer to start work knowing I'm going to have to quit, not to mention, it wouldn't look good on my employment record and could keep me from getting a job later, if I ever resolve to do so. "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Fractured Resolutions Blog-O-Thon!" , prompt 2: I resolve to take a nice healthy hike! Why? I'll tell you why. Quite often I stop to blog for your reading enjoyment, but when I tell you what I'm blogging about, you ask me why. What the hell difference does it make? Andre, through one of his henchmen employees posts prompts and I write on them. Now, can I get on with my story? I decided I need to shed quite a few pounds, so I'm eating healthier and getting more exercise. The best exercises is walking, so I decided I should walk down to "Invalid Item" . I figured this to be a nice hike and I can get something to drink; it's important to stay hydrated.Andre was prying apart some pallets. "I see you've sold the bar and are building a new one." "Yeah, what you up too?" I told him and he said, "I should get back in shape, you know." I nodded as I looked around trying to see where I could get a beer. "Yeah, I put on a few pounds, I think it was the banana bread. I'll make another New Years Resolution, take a hike everyday." "It don't work that way, you make your New Years resolutions on New Years. Besides, didn't you resolved to not resolve any more?" "Okay, I'll make a New Weeks resolution, take a nice healthy hike everyday." "That's better," I lied, "Where you thinking of hiking?" "I could hike down to the gas station and swipe their ass-wipe." He thought hard for a few minutes then added, "Better idea:. You want hike, so you hike down, get the paper, then drop it off here. I'll give you a beer for it." I shook my head, "How's this gonna help you lose that pudgy gut?" "Who the hell you calling pudgy? That's it, you want to come back, you better have paper. Call me pudgy, you better take a hike!" I walked to the door wondering how things had ended up going the way they had. Just before I closed the door, Andre yelled, "Don't forget the toilet paper!" A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Fractured Resolutions Blog-O-Thon!" , prompt: I hereby resolve NOT to make any New Year's Resolutions at all. It's funny you should mention this, I resolved back in 2002 (yes I'm that old) the same resolution. It went something like this, "Dad, it's midnight, what's your New Year's resolution?" I thought on it as I sipped my cocktail, we had been drinking White Russians most of the night as well as a variety of shots tossed in randomly, so it took a while to think. "I'm not sure I want to make one, they never last more than a few days, maybe a week." "But, it's traditional; you have too." "Fine, but I need another drink while I think of something." Jim Bob (not his real name) got up and proceeded to fix me another while I pondered resolutions. After he returned and handed me my beverage, I told him I had the perfect resolution, "I resolve that this will be my last resolution and will make no more." He laughed and said it wasn't a real resolution. "I informed him that I had technically stated it as my resolution, therefore it was legal and binding." "We'll see." He figured I would forget and make another resolution on the next start of a year, but I never did. To this day, I proudly claim to have kept that last resolution to make no new resolutions on New Years Eve. Not long ago, in a bar not so far, far away, a monkey told me he too had resolved not to resolve. But, Andre had been hitting the banana bitters pretty hard that night. As he came out of the bathroom wiping his hand on his leg, he looked me dead in the eye and said, "It's midnight, and I resolve to start buying toilet paper first thing tomorrow morning. But, we're out now, would you run down the street and get some from the gas station?" "They sell toilet paper?" "No, you fool; they sell gasoline. But they always have a few rolls in the crapper. Go grab 'em and put 'em in the stalls." A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Fractured Resolutions Blog-O-Thon!" , prompt: I resolve to finally sell the house. Is Andre selling the bar, whos house is he selling? Is your Muse raising money? What's going on? I can't resolve to sell my house, since I rent. If I could get a way with it, I would sell it to myself for a fraction of what it's worth, but I think the landlord would frown upon that. With that out of the way, I wonder if Andre is thinking about selling the bar. I'll have to stop in and ask him if he resolved to sell. It's later now. I left and visited the bar, asking Andre if the rumors were true. Andre informed me, "Those damn rumors are all made up! I didn't do it and no one can prove otherwise." I stopped him with a wave of my hand, "Not those rumors, the one about selling the bar." "Oh, that. I thought you meant the other things. Yeah, I think it's time to sell the bar. It's not like a resolution, I just mentioned to someone or another that i wanted to sell the bar this year." "What will you do? Are you retiring?" "What? No, I like running this place, I like the people, well a few of them, and have big plans for this place." "Then, why are you selling the bar?" "You idiot, I'm not selling the building, just the bar. It's old, falling apart, and needs to be replaced. I figure I'll have the staff rip out the old bar and put it out front with a "For Sale" sign on it. Then, we'll build a new one with all the old pallets out back." That was the conversation, honest apes. Oh, I forgot, Andre is trying to sell a house. It's the one across the ally. Andre informed me he's tired of the guy complaining about all the noise at the bar, so he swiped borrowed a house for sale sign from down the street and put it out front. He also asked, "Is Halo (my muse) making any money?" I didn't think so, or at least I haven't seen any of it. Andre explained that she's been stopping by the bar and selling ideas to some King guy... I had no idea! A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| In helping test out a major version upgrade for the boss, I decided I should try writing a blog entry and share it. So, I headed over to "Invalid Item" to see how things were going. Andre was looking pretty sharp tonight; he had on a tangerine colored T-shirt with "Funky Monkey" printed on the back, a pair of red,fuzzy, pajama bottoms with yellow bananas all over them, and a pink pair of bunny slippers. I'd never see Andre dressed up before; for that matter, I've never seen Andre dressed before. He said it was a Christmas gift from some mouse, Amy or Anon, something like that, he wasn't sure because he'd been hitting the spiked punch pretty hard. He offered me a drink, "Something new. It's on the house, but I want your honest opinion about it." I tipped the glass and took a big swig. I should have known better, but I was still a bit in awe of his colorful outfit. I swallowed what felt like liquid fire and gasp for air. Hoarsely I asked, "What the hell is this stuff?" "Well, you know how popular Hot 100 and Fireball is?" I nodded since I still couldn't breath. I decided to make my own recipe. I aged some bananas in a barrel of Bacardi 151 for a month along with a handful of ghost peppers and a few Carolina Reapers. For a final touch, I added a gallon of molasses for color. So, what do you think?" "I think I burned my taste buds off." Andre laughed at my gravely voice, "You sound like Bonnie Tyler with strep throat! But do you like my Burnin Banana Rum?" "I'm not too fond of it, it's like swallowing banana flavored lava!" "It can't be that hot." Andre took the glass from my hand and emptied it with one big swallow. "Wow, your really sweating and looking kind of flushed." He hadn't even winced as the burning concoction went down his gullet. "Sorry Andre, but it's a bit too much for me." My stomach churned and rumbled so loud that Andre heard it. "Excuse me, I think I need to use the restroom." I turned towards the bathrooms but Andre stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "I'd try to make it to the gas station down the block if I was you, we're out of toilet paper. The cheap bastard started locking the crapper and I can't get anymore." I knew I wasn't going to last much longer, I could feel the burning pressure building. "See ya later." I mumbled as I trotted for the door. I knew I didn't have much time, so I ran around the side of the bar. I thought that stuff burned going down, but it was twice as bad coming out. Luckily I was able to sit in the snow for a bit and cool my bottom before heading back home. A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Fractured Resolutions Blog-O-Thon!" , prompt: I resolve to restore my writing habit of at least 300 words/day. What does Andre or your Muse think about that? My muse showed up today; Halo's been missing since Andre's party. "Where you been?" "The bar! While chatting with Andre, he gave me some banana rum. I remember things getting fuzzy, then I'm waking up in the cellar with a tin cup; I think I was drinking banana rum out of a barrel! How's things with you?" "I'm thinking about writing again." "Great, but not today. I got a banana fog in my head and need sleep." "No, not today. Actually, I was thinking of a journal, writing at least 300 words a day." Halo laughing hysterically, "Are you going to write one word, copy and paste it 299 times or just write 1 word a day for 300 days? So, a New Year's resolution! What day is it? You've already your resolution! Hey, didn't you resolve no more resolutions?" I explained I had resolved no more resolution and kept it for years. "It's not a New Year Resolution, it's just an idea and it's not funny!" "Look, I know I shouldn't laugh. You mean well and want to write more. But, resolving to write every day is just setting yourself up to fail. Look at how things went last year with so many unexpected things; you got frustrated and stressed about not writing, which only added to the problem. You write for yourself with my help. If something prevents you from writing you'll get worked up, frustrated, and it'll start the cycle over again." She knows me better than I know myself, "Your right, but I really want to write some stories again." "I know. I want you to write, we have a great time when you're writing. Instead of a dissolution, start with something attainable like Andre's blog challenge. Do you remember the story about the mishap with the marshmallows out camping?" "Yeah, everyone enjoyed it." "That would be a great story to write." "Now, I'm eager to get started." "Me too, so don't set yourself up to fail with worthless resolutions. I want it like the old days when we'd share ideas, laugh, and turn out awesome stories." She walked over. I thought to kiss my cheek or give a hug. Instead, she "Gibb" slapped, hard. I heard her say as she left, "300 words, what a moron!" A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Old2New Years Party" The idea is to answer today's questions, but the problem is, I don't remember. Perhaps I just have too much going on and have forgotten who dressed as what, and all the other things. Or, mayhaps I just drank too many brass monkeys! No matter, I thought, I'll just go review some of the posts. Unfortunately, it's late; I have about one hour and fifteen minutes before it's midnight, which doesn't give me a lot of time to run around the bar trying to find posts and read them again. In fact, I'd have to say Andre must have scattered things all over in some kind of drunk-monkey antics because I'm having a time trying to find the posts I'm looking for. So, for this last entry, I guess I just have to wing it and as we used to say in the Air Force, if I can't dazzle em with brilliance, baffle em with bulls***. There was one fellow (I think) who stood out to me. In fact every time I went out for some air, he (I think) was out standing in the same spot. The costume was of Sasquatch (could have been an oversized monkey, and he(I think) was always ready to listen, but never said much. Friendly and such, but no blog entries or anything. Wait, now that I think about it, perhaps it wasn't anyone, but just that big monkey picture on the side of the bar. This explains a lot. I enjoyed all the blog entries (I have tried to read everyone's) and I did comment on some, and liked on all of them. I said liked, not licked; don't look at me that way. As for who's comment I enjoyed on my posts, Wordsmitty ✍️ .I think it would be great to give Andre a large framed picture of everyone having fun at the bar on New Years Eve. Of course, I don't know if anyone took any photos or not, so that may not be possible. Some other ideas would be, a big straw hat, I think he would look adorable wearing it. A monocle would also be nice and give him a distinguished look. I also plan to give him an autographed copy of my fist book if I ever get one written. I would enjoy continuing to blog at Andre's (and do so occasionally even when there isn't anything going on) for the weekly Fractured New Year's Resolutions event and I will be watching my email and the Forum for more details. I would like to say thank you to Andre and the staff (you know who) for this party event. Your hard work is appreciated. A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
| For "Andre's Old2New Years Party" What did you do last night at Midnight WDC time? Here, it's one hour earlier, so it was one hour yet till midnight. I was struggling to stay awake through an episode of "Dragnet". Yeah, a real party people, I know. My wife and I both were very tired but decided to have a drink and try to stay up to greet the new year. We fixed drinks and watched the show, pausing when the clock in the dining room chimed midnight. At that time we wished each other a Happy New Year, did the same for our nephew who is staying with us, who was also still awake, then finished out show and went to bed. Do you have any New Years Day traditions? We get up when the dogs decide we need to, wishing each other Happy New Year. Coffee is started, the two dogs are taken out, then my wife and I sit and enjoy our coffee and talk about any plans for the day. Most of the time there really isn't much going on for us, except for planning out dinner. We have, since we first got together, fixed a nice dinner for New Year's Day. I think this started because we have Christmas dinner with relatives who cannot cook! Other than a nice dinner, we don't spend the day any different than any other non-work day. What's your thoughts on the enormous expansion of holiday lights and light pollution and those lights using electricity made from fossil fuels? First of all, I was unaware that ours, or any, holiday lights expanded. The best I can tell they're still the same size. Other than right now, I hadn't even given much thought. We have, as light strings quit working, replaced ours with LED lights. Even though they are cheaper to use, we have our outside lights on a timer so they only come on at dusk and turn off with the new day. Our lights on the tree are turned on after it gets dark, and we turn them off before we go to bed. And, we have been doing this since the turn of the century. As for light pollution, we only have three strings of lights outside the house, and the lights on the tree inside. Some of the people around us also put up lights for the holidays, but they don't over do them, so it's pleasing not pollution. How was the fireworks and firecracker noise around you residence last night and was it enjoyable or not? I wasn't aware of any fireworks last night, it was quiet and peaceful in our area. We live in a rural area, so there's not a lot of people around us, and it's cold (18 degrees Fahrenheit last night) this far north, which tends to deter people from spending much time outside shooting off fireworks. There may have been some in the distance, but I wasn't outside after ten (last outing for the dogs) so I didn't hear any. A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. A proud member of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" "Reading soothes the soul, writing sets it free." T.J. |
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Man, you know nothing about monkey business! Never poke your nose in them.
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