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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| When I arrived in Hua Hin in March 2024, it was still the dry season. I remember my delight when the skies finally opened and the wet season began. It would pour down so hard that I couldn't hear my TV. So, when this happened, I would go to my room and nap...lulled to sleep by the smell and sound of the pelting rain. Since moving into my new home seven months ago, we've hardly had any rain. When Nada and I go touring on my motorcycle, the mountains that six months ago were lush and green, now appear dry and brown. They are still beautiful, even if shrouded in smoke from the fires that burn throughout SE Asia at this time of year. I must admit that I am longing for the monsoon to arrive. Despite this, I know that after several weeks of wet weather, I will pine for the dry season again. Things are good right now and Nada and I are both doing well. I'm still training hard and slowly overcoming my sugar addiction. I treat myself occasionally by buying a small bottle of red soda from the 7-Eleven we pass on our afternoon walk. The exercise routine I do is intense and consists of doing multiple sets of thirty reps. It takes one hour to complete with over six hundred and fifty repetitions. I try and train every second day, but I do take an extra day off when my body complains too much. I still watch a lot of YouTube, especially at night when Nada showers and calls her older sister (Pa) to chat. I'm trying to avoid the negative channels these days because they don't give a balanced viewpoint to the subject matter they take on. It appears that content providers stick with a set approach when it comes to presenting stories on many subjects, including Thai/Farang relationships. I get that there can be difficulties, and Nada and I have experienced some differences in opinion. But no matter who we meet and fall in love with, there will be issues and things we need to accept about our partners to maintain a viable relationship. In the villa estate where Nada and I live, we are surrounded by long-standing and successful Thai/Farang relationships. I believe if there is mutual respect and admiration for what both people bring to the table, helps to make a happy future together more likely, despite the language and cultural differences we face. I watched a YouTube video last night made by a Russian guy who tours Thailand on a big motorbike. What made me take note was his ability to speak almost perfect Thai, and how much of a difference that made to his experiences on the road. I'm still learning new Thai words every day, but listening to the Russian converse with locals has made me realise just how important learning to speak Thai is going to be for me going forward. Knowing individual words for everyday things will not suffice, and I am more determined than ever to take on this most difficult task. It will take years before I can hold a conversation in Thai, but I am not going anywhere and the benefits to me will make it all worthwhile. |
| It has become a custom that each day when Nada and I go for a walk, she relates stories of her childhood. Nada grew up in extreme poverty, and she remembers many occasions when she and her five siblings had little to eat. Her parents grew rice, and when there was an abundance, they would trade the excess rice with other families in the village for meat and vegetables. They survived, and most of her stories are happy ones...but not all. Nada's older brother was a fifteen-year-old fisherman working in the south of Thailand in 1989 when typhoon Gay struck the Chumpon Province, killing eight hundred thirty-three people. The boat her brother crewed was lost at sea and there were no bodies recovered, despite Nada's Papa searching the coastline for days for his body. Ten years ago, another brother died from sleep apnea. When Nada was fifteen, and despite being a good student, she was sent to Bangkok to work in a sweatshop. Earning only 300 baht (US$9) per month, she was forced to work ten to twelve-hour days, seven days a week. Thankfully, after only three months, the company ceased operations and Nada returned to her village. She learned a lot from her time in the city. Many of the women Nada worked with took advantage of her kindness and vulnerability, borrowing small amounts of money that they never paid back. She was already a good cook and earned food by helping in the kitchen. There are many positive stories Nada recounts as we walk. She knows which plants are edible and which ones are not. After school, she and her siblings would search for mushrooms and cut young bamboo shoots to bring home for food. Ten years ago, Nada also lost her mother. Then, one year ago, Nada's father, who is seventy-eight, broke his leg in a motorcycle accident...although he is well on the road to recovery. The family owns a lot of land, and over the years, Nada has acquired eighteen rai, which includes a rubber plantation and land adjoining her family's plots. After visiting her family and verifying the story Nada told me about her ill-advised lending of money to her younger sister (Nada mortgaged her land to secure the loan), I decided to help by setting up a meeting with the lender and negotiated a new loan to avert the imminent foreclosure. I also helped Nada and her family by loaning her some funds to finish the renovations to her house. I helped her make a budget, and in five years, Nada will be debt-free and will retain her properties outright. In the meantime, her papa will live out his life in Nada's house...which is a far cry from his current living conditions. He sleeps outside on a bamboo bed set up under a high-set house, exposed to the weather and the mosquitoes. And the payoff for me is it feels good to do something positive to help people less fortunate than I am. Soon, Nada and I will marry, and in time (depending on her father's situation), we will move into her house in Isaan. That's the plan, but we are flexible. We shall see where the future takes us. |
| I am concerned about America, and since the US is supposed to be the leader of the free world, I am worried about us all. I feel relatively safe living in Thailand. The country doesn't have huge deposits of minerals that other more ambitious countries, might look to acquire. But, I cannot help but wonder what the future holds. If (as predicted on the 20th of April 2025), the United States declares martial law on the southern border, the ramifications will be terrifying. America was built around a constitution of twenty-seven amendments, and from the outside looking in, I can see many of these rights being eroded by a government that snuck in on a wave of frustration and discord. I don't blame those who voted for the Republicans for what I fear is going to happen. The Democrats offered nothing but the same, and people justifiably rejected the party wholeheartedly. But in all seriousness, who could have predicted what has ensured since January 20? I never thought that Canada (or the EU) would be seen as an enemy of the US. And while Mexico has its problems (with the cartels), simply ignoring the fact that it is the US that creates demand for illegal drugs (and then blames it all on Mexico and Canada) does nothing to get to the core issue as to why so many Americans feel the need to get high. You may laugh at this prediction, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. Within four years, Canada and/or Mexico will be annexed...then Panama and finally, Greenland (if Russia doesn't get there first). The rest of the world will be divided up between China, Russia and the US...if, and that's a big IF, these egomaniacs who rule by force...who jail anyone who protests or reports unfavourably against them and their authority, cannot help themselves in their quest to be the biggest dog on the block and decide to push the button. I heard an interesting theory as to why there has been a spike in UAP sightings...they aren't arriving, they are leaving. |
| Retirement and no longer being a caregiver suits me...as does not being a slave to methamphetamine. Life in Thailand suits me. The weather here is hot and sultry, like in Queensland. And with such cheap electricity bills, the hottest parts of the day (and nights) are easily avoided by running the air conditioner. I bought my BMW 1250 GSA a year ago and I just received my insurance renewal quote. It wasn't cheap, but riding an uninsured and expensive motorbike doesn't make sense, especially here in Thailand, where people drive like there is no police presence on the roads (mainly because there isn't). The bike has only 4000 kilometres on the clock. I've left it stock and it is in original immaculate condition. There are so many modifications that I could have done, but when it comes to resale value, leaving it original will get the best price...especially with such low mileage. I'll keep it for one more year and then sell it and buy something smaller and more practical to ride around town. Soon, Nada's eighteen-year-old son will come and stay with us. He'll be here for a month. I met him for the first time late last year when we travelled by bus to Chonburi, where he attends a private school. We are both looking forward to his arrival. He speaks little English, but I'm sure that by the time he leaves his English and my Thai will have improved. Songkran, or the Thai New Year, begins on April 13. It's a water festival that also marks the end of the high season (for tourists) and the beginning of the wet season. There has been little rain over the last four months in Hua Hin and I'm looking forward to some torrential downpours. As I am writing this post, Nada is feeding me freshly cut mandarine and watermelon. We are both so happy to have found each other. I don't spend much time thinking about the past or planning for the future. I learned a long time ago that the best way to live is to take things one day at a time...and I see no reason to change that philosophy. |
| Psychosis can produce a variety of symptoms. Hallucinations may be auditory or visual; believing what a person sees or hears is real is tagged as suffering from delusions. I've mentioned in previous posts that I suffer from visual hallucinations caused by many years of methamphetamine use and abuse. This was especially true in the year before I was forced to quit. The things I saw became so horrific that I had no choice but to stop, and really, if not for the hallucinations making life a waking nightmare, I would probably still be caught in the cycle of addiction. Over time, these entities I saw when high, and in the weeks and months after I quit meth...hallucinations that I first thought of as friends (but later showed themselves to be anything but), slowly diminished to a manageable level without necessitating the use of antipsychotics. I did see a psychiatrist who prescribed antipsychotics (which I stopped taking after experiencing deliberating side effects). He told me there should be an improvement in my symptoms in around six months. Unfortunately, it appears that I may continue to live with the hallucinations indefinitely. I understand what I say next may be considered as being delusional, but there is one thing I find hard to explain. I accept it is likely that the long-term use of methamphetamine has changed my brain chemistry, and that what I am seeing are likely to be hallucinations. OK...here goes. If I blindfold myself and hold my hand up in front of my face, I at first only see darkness. But after a minute or two, I begin to see the silhouette of my hand. Then, when I move my fingers or rotate my hand, I can see the movement quite clearly. I first discovered this phenomenon around eight months ago and put it down to my mind knowing what the hand is doing, and so, is tricking me into 'seeing' what is logically impossible for me to see. Two months ago I asked Nada to help me by doing the same experiment, only using her hand instead of my own. She is aware of my past addiction and that I suffer from psychosis. She wasn't happy to participate, and after only a few minutes, I stopped the experiment without gaining any insight. Closing my eyes, then holding a pillow to my face and watching my fingers wriggle in the darkness has become something I occasionally do for my own entertainment and to see if it still works. Then this morning, I again asked Nada if she would help. She agreed, and what happened next blew my mind. For the first time, I saw someone else's hand moving when there was no possibility of that happening. Not wanting to press Nada too much, I told her to randomly move her hand or remain still and I would tell her when I saw any movement. According to her, I was correctly predicting her hand movements. I accept that this experiment is far from proof that I am somehow seeing through the pillow, but it certainly gives me something more to ponder. These visions I see might be holograms. There are theories that the universe we live in is a hologram, and as hard as that is to swallow, I have experienced enough to think that theory might be true. The entity I call Angel, who blinks and moves her eyes side to side (for yes and no, or in circles if she is either unsure or simply doesn't care) whenever I think or ask a question, remains a part of my life, and I believe, will do so until I die...and on that day I may finally find out what this is all about. |
| March 7, 2025, marked exactly one year since I relocated to Thailand. It has been a good experience so far. There have been some ups and downs, but overall, I've enjoyed the last twelve months and look forward to many more years here in the land of smiles. Another, even more important occurrence/celebration, was marking one year since I last used methamphetamines. Despite the timeframe, I still consider myself to be in recovery. I no longer suffer from cravings and only occasionally experience drug dreams that haunt me at night. The question of whether I could remain drug-free if I were to return to Australia is one I am not planning on testing...and that leads me to my next concern. On the last day before Nada and I were due to return to Hua Hin from Suwannaphum, I decided to buy a few beers for the workers renovating Nada's house. It is customary towards the end of a job for the owners to 'shout' a few drinks to show appreciation for their efforts. Life in rural Thailand is not immune from addiction, in fact, because of the isolation and with little else to do, alcohol consumption is rampant, especially among Thai men. It was only the second time I had consumed alcohol since relocating to Thailand. Nobody got drunk, and my generosity also served a second purpose by helping make the Farang less of an outsider. At this time, there was an old lady in the village who was dying, and Nada and her sister left me with the workers to pay their respects and say goodbye. This was my first experience being alone with Thais without Nada to translate for me. While Nada was away, I just sat and allowed all of them to talk among themselves. Translation Apps are good for short conversations, and there was one guy in the crew who attempted to use his phone to speak with me. He was a lot more excitable than his friends, and earlier, I had noticed him singing and dancing as he worked. Then, as we spoke, I noticed his movements were jerky and just how hyped up he was. I suspect he was under the influence of Yaba...methamphetamine pills mixed with caffeine. Twice in four days whilst we traversed from our hotel to the village, we saw police checkpoints that were testing for drugs and alcohol. Yaba is a huge problem throughout Thailand, but in particular up north, where millions of tablets are smuggled across the Myanmar border. Corruption is rife, and the vast amounts of money that are made from the sale of substances like meth and Yaba make importations almost impossible to stop. If I were to move to Nada's village, it wouldn't be long before someone offered me drugs. And although I hope I would be strong enough to say no, I think it would be wise to avoid any situation where drugs are involved. |
| Nada and I returned yesterday from a four-day trip to the Isann Province, in North East Thailand...and what an eye-opener it was. The village where Nada's family live is seven kilometres outside of Suwannaphum District, Roy Et, which is six hundred and seventy-six kilometres (or four hundred and twenty miles) from Hua Hin. Google Maps says it takes just over nine hours to complete the journey by car, but I can tell you from experience that catching several buses, plus the waiting times in between, turns it into an ass-breaking fourteen hours between home and hotel and back. Luckily, pain is fleeting and hopefully by the time Nada wants to make the journey home again, I will have forgotten just how hard a day it is. I would love to spend more time complaining about the journey, but I have returned with a new perspective on what a hard day looks like. Sitting on a bus with a slightly sore ass and watching the Thailand countryside roll past is nothing compared to the hardship I witnessed people enduring daily. But, here's the thing... I never saw anyone crying or complaining about their situation. It might be a case where they don't know any different, but I think it is more likely that people there are more stoic, and dare I say, happier than those of us who have all the things we simply take for granted. When we arrived at the hotel, Nada's two nephews delivered a motorbike (the same bike we had sent to them when I bought Nada her new one) for us to use for our stay. The boys were only fifteen and nineteen, and I could tell they had never met a foreigner before. I was surprised at how shy they were, and after a very brief 'wai' they quickly left on the other motorbike. Then, after a long day of travel, we settled into our room and quickly fell asleep. The room was surprisingly comfortable and clean. The staff were friendly, and even though there was no access to YouTube (only local TV was available with no English channels), I have no complaints about the accommodation...even though every morning at 7.30 sharp, we were woken by loud Thai music (which is pumped through speakers placed all around the town), followed by messages promoting local activities, and I suspect, Thai propaganda. Most of the people (ladies) we came across, who were selling street food or at the markets, smiled and asked Nada questions about how she had managed to 'snare' a Farang. Apparently, finding a foreigner and making him your boyfriend in these parts is akin to winning the lottery...which in a lot of ways, is true. There was one place in particular where we stopped to buy fruit and vegetables to take back to the family, and the lady who owned the stall said in English (I think jokingly, but I'm not sure) that she loved me (much to my and Nada's amusement). I certainly received a lot of attention, both good and bad (depending on if the person was male or female) as we wandered through the marketplace near our hotel. There were some smiles (mostly from ladies), but I got more looks of suspicion and perhaps, dislike, especially from the men. In the morning we left our room, and after buying meat, fruit, veggies and other assorted foods and treats, we rode the seven kilometres to Nada's house, which is in the process of being renovated by a close family friend and his crew of five workers. I met Nada's papa, who is seventy-nine, and her older sister (who cares for their father). About a year ago, he was involved in a motorbike accident and broke both bones in his lower leg. He currently has an external fixation in place which is due for removal in three months. After an hour or two of arriving, I needed to pee so I asked Nada where the toilet was. She pointed to the large trees between the rice paddies behind the houses on the property and said to go out there. When I returned, she told me there was a toilet and shower in a small corrugated shed, but she didn't want me to use it because it was 'ucklick' (ugly). They had previously lived without a functional toilet until Nada was around thirteen. There are three buildings spread evenly across the property's frontage. The house on the left belongs to Nada's older sister (Pee Sao), and her two youngest sons sleep upstairs. The next oldest son, who is twenty-nine, sleeps under the house on a bed made from a timber frame and bamboo slats with a traditional pandanus mat (for a soft and comfortable sleep). The middle house is the original home that Nada and her five siblings grew up in. Rest assured, there were no luxuries. They all slept on a mat on the hardwood floor. I would have liked to go upstairs (all the buildings are on high stilts) to see the house, but there were no stairs...and even if there were, the house leans at an angle that I consider likely to fall over at any time. They store previously cut hardwood timber underneath the building to keep out of the weather, and if the house does collapse, they will recycle much of the wood for future building projects Nada's house is the most sturdy, and much to Nada's dismay, I climbed the rickety (and unsafe) stairs to take a look inside. There were no walls and only one large room (which was the same for all three houses). The only thing that provided some privacy for Mama and Papa back then were clothes hung between them and the sleeping children. All three houses are Thai traditional...made from dark hardwood, cut from trees that grew right there on the property and milled on site. It took two years for the wood to dry enough to use as a building material, so there was a lot of planning to be done beforehand. That first day, we stayed until late afternoon, then when we left, we ate food bought from a street vendor in town before going back to our room to get some much-needed sleep. As I lay thinking about my future here in Thailand, I mulled over the pros and cons of relocating to Isaan. I know that Nada would love to return home to her family. The countryside is beautiful and the people warm and friendly, however, there is the old familiar problem of language, which unlike in a tourist spot like Hua Hin, will be a much bigger problem for me in Isaan given very few people speak English (except a few scattered Farangs and Nada). The answer is both simple and complex...I need to learn how to speak Thai...a task very much easier said than done. |
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