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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| A power cut that lasted for a fraction of a second just cost me two hours of work writing a post. It's been a while since that happened, and a lesson has been learned. It isn't the time lost, it's the fact that the only thing I can replicate is the title (and I won't even do that)...the rest simply won't be the same. During the eight years I was alone, I contemplated what kind of relationship I wanted once I found someone and fell in love. Of course, no one can foresee the future, and I couldn't have imagined finding Nada and what this relationship has been so far. It was more of a case of becoming the kind of man I needed to be in order to make a decent go of it. Quitting drugs was first and foremost in my plan. Remembering the lessons and mistakes from my past relationships was also something I spent a lot of time thinking about. After just two months together, the reality of being with someone is hitting home. I knew it was coming and have been preparing myself as best as possible for it. Sex is a great distraction and an important part of any successful relationship. We are settling into the routine of living together. It's a partnership based on trust and we are both committed to making it work. The biggest challenge we face is communication, but there are always going to be issues...it's just the way it is when in a relationship. Bettina Arndt is an Australian writer and commentator who specialises in sex and gender issues. She has studied hundreds of couples trying to find out why it is that so many long-term relationships are either unhappy or end in divorce. Of course, there are many reasons this happens, but she advocates one simple thing to bring more joy to these otherwise unhappy people. Bettina is a big fan of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship between couples. Men, especially, suffer when sex becomes a chore for their partners and she has a catchphrase for women who want more than someone to take out the garbage..."Just do it". I know it isn't that simple...that there can be factors such as past abuse, cheating or simply not being attracted to their partners anymore. If you have a few moments spare and want to learn more about what men want (and if the answer is that you don't care, then that pretty much sums up what kind of future your relationship will have), then check out her videos on YouTube. Funnily enough, after watching a BA video, YouTube's AI showed me a video from the 40s called, 'It Ain't Gonna Sck Itself'...an early version of marriage counselling that's both funny and entertaining. Yesterday, Nada and I went for a ride to Khao Sam Roi National Park and climbed to Khao Daeng Viewpoint. It wasn't an easy trail, but we got up and down in a couple of hours. Today, we are both feeling it. I'm struggling mentally with losing the work I did. This post doesn't come close and I apologise for its lack of quality content. Nada is hoping she can alleviate my sorrow by cooking me a lovely 'runch'. I'm going to end it here and try and forget my disappointment...after all, it isn't like posting is the be-all and end-all in life. |
| Tomorrow is Nada's forty-eighth birthday, so we went shopping so I could buy her a present. After visiting several shops, I got her a watch—nothing outlandishly expensive, just a nice, reasonably-priced piece that looks great on her slender wrist. On our way home, we called into the local market to buy fruit and vegetables. I really enjoy the atmosphere there. It's a very different kind of crowd than at the mall we had just left. Nada and I are so in love. I think some people we see out and about can sense this as they tend to smile at us. I always attempt to participate in the banter between Nada and the market stall owners. I only know a few words of Thai, but it's enough, along with facial expressions, to appear more than just an arrogant Farang who doesn't even want to try. Nada is from Isan. They have their own kind of food and I have to admit that I am not a fan. Today, as we walked around the stalls, one in particular got Nada's attention. On the table, there was a sealed bag that contained a bright green fluid, and when my girlfriend saw it, her eyes lit up. She spoke excitedly to the old couple who were selling the stuff, before I said to them in English, "Isan food"...then shook my head and made a horrible face. They laughed (because few Westerners enjoy their cultural cuisine), and then, as we walked away, Nada explained that it was made from trees and just how good for the body it is. Tomorrow night we are going to celebrate Nada's birthday at the same restaurant we went to for my birthday. It's an all-you-can-eat affair, where they place a small BBQ on the table where you cook your food. There's a vast selection including seafood, pork and chicken...followed by an array of different flavoured ice cream. It's been almost two months since Nada and I met, although it feels a lot longer than that. We are still adjusting. My snoring sometimes keeps Nada awake, and her lack of English, at times, causes me frustration. I'm taking the time to teach her to be more fluent, even though I think her pronunciation of some words is so cute. And even though I know what she is saying, I understand it is better to try and improve her speech than to be entertained by it. |
| I haven't written a static item in some time. Creativity used to ebb and flow according to how deep into the binge I was...and how happy or sad I was in general. These days, most of my creative energy is spent here on the blog. Coming up with new stuff to write about, in my mind, shouldn't be a forced thing. I believe that if I have nothing worthwhile to say, and try to say something anyway, that will transcribe onto the 'page'...and that simply will not do. Because I have a reasonable backlog of work, in these lacklustre moments, I will at times, copy-paste from my port to here. This serves two purposes. The first is to relieve me of the burden (and you of the mediocrity) of trying to find something...anything...to post simply for the sake of it. The second, and for me, more appealing reason for using this tactic, is the hope that the extract may be entertaining enough to bring more readers to my port. Before I joined WdC the first time, I sat in my bedroom and wrote stuff that no one but my Mom heard. This went on for a year before I searched for and found this site. Then, I began posting my work. I stayed for a year or two before I told a member, who I had befriended, that I had relapsed. When things soured between us, he threatened to expose my drug use to my local police. Because of this, I panicked and closed my account. I stayed away for a year before returning. I was sober then, which gave me the courage to talk publicly about my drug use, but it wasn't long until I relapsed again. It was then I had to decide whether to hide my shame or confess to the world. At that time, WakeUpAndLive and I had become friends. I told her about my relapse and she suggested I begin blogging. She even created the blog's name for me...thank you P...I will always be indebted to you for your support back then, which continues today. I decided to be completely honest in writing about my journey...writing which at times, can be brutal for me to go back and read. There have been so many people who have shared their thoughts with me over the last three years, and to all those who have shown me support, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know and appreciate how lucky I am to have found this site and the majority of members who have not judged me, and instead, supported a complete stranger, who, let's face it, didn't always make the best choices. I look back now and wonder (going by the previous post)...how could think of using meth again? I have to face that I will always be at risk. All it takes is one drink for an alcoholic to fall off the wagon, and it is no different for me. Knowing my triggers and not putting myself in harm's way is so important. Writing about my life on this blog is also a good way to remain grounded. Thank you to everyone who comes here and shows an interest in my life. |
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