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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| I have always harboured a secret desire...to be a woman. Of course, in this 'fantasy' gender swap, I still have a male brain and don't suffer oppression, sexual assault, lower wages or deal with a menstrual cycle once a month. For me, it was all about the sex. Watching porn confirmed what I had learned from my own sex life...that women have far and away more pleasure than men during sex. Now, I realise that isn't always the case...that there can be factors limiting this phenomenon. But overall, from what I have seen, if (and I mean IF) we, the partners of said women, do everything right in the lead-up, during and even after the fact (the latter because a woman's memory is just as good as a man's), then we may not be as welcome next time we come knocking on her door. There is a good reason, from nature's point of view, why women are more sexually athletic (for lack of a better description) than men. And it makes sense that God (or whoever/whatever designed us) would grant women the edge in at least some aspects of being human. Reading maps, reverse parking and making quick decisions aside, watching (and hearing) my lover go to heights in the bedroom I can only dream of, reinforces this envious desire for more than my own 'kinda OK' orgasm. But, throw in childbirth, and not just the discomfort, but the emotional rollercoaster that is having a period (and the rest of it...which is a list so long that no woman wants to be reminded about it anyway) and once my feet hit the floor and reality punches me in the face, I am glad I was born a male. This 'fantasy' I have isn't just sexual. Since early childhood, I've had compassion and empathy for women. Shit, I remember times when I was shocked to see women themselves being cruel and violent (usually to do with men) towards their own gender...and trying to figure out why they would act that way. Over the years, my attitude towards my partner's menstrual cycle has changed (depending on the circumstances presented). When I was so young and immature that I took no responsibility for birth control and my girlfriend would tell me she had her period, it was a relief. Then later, once I was old enough to know better (although it still wasn't my job to remember to take the contraception pill), I had to learn to negotiate the differences in my partner's moods when 'that time of the month' came around. One partner in particular had such bad cramps leading up to her period, that I must admit my empathetic nature packed its bags and left. I questioned if her anger and even on occasion, abuse, wasn't at all to do with her period. And for many years, whenever I sensed she was premenstrual, fear took over my life. Early this morning, Nada reached over and touched my skin...and her palm was hot. After we woke up, I told Nada how much I loved her and what she meant to me. She broke down in tears, and that's when I knew she would soon get her period. I held her for a while, before making her laugh and getting her a tissue. She has taken paracetamol and is now in bed. Last month, at this same time, she slept most of the day. Then over the next two nights, she had trouble sleeping. I think I will wake her up soon so that she might return to normal sleep patterns faster than she did last month. I know I'm only guessing about what to do, and that the best thing to do is to be kind until things return to normal. |
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