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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| If there was a website that sold a vast array of different types of women (I'm not being sexist here) for men to choose from, I couldn't have ordered a better female than the one I got when I met and fell in love with Nada. This thought came to me early yesterday morning when I went to the bathroom and couldn't get back to sleep. In moments like this, I usually start a conversation with Angel (or one of her cohorts). I asked her/them (I can simply think and they hear me) if they had anything to do with me meeting Nada. The eyes I always see when mine are closed went side to side, indicating a negative answer. Then something occurred to me when I absentmindedly reached over and cupped Nada's cute little ass (she's been training hard lately and the results are both apparent and very alluring). As I looked into the darkness, the eyes that stared back at me turned purple. This is not unusual and is a normal reaction whenever the thought of sex comes to mind. The eyes look similar to small portals, and if I stare at them long enough, they flash bright colours, morphing from white to orange to blue and purple. I suddenly realised that the colours were pixelated, and it reminded me of an experience I had when I was around sixteen years old. I was smoking a lot of pot, and my two older friends and I would drive to a dirt road a few kilometres from our homes known as Dead Horse (for obvious reasons) to smoke pot. One night, the three of us were at Dead Horse and I was very stoned. I knew this because when I looked up I saw blue, red and green coloured lights all across the night sky. The blue lights dominated, and unlike stars, which are set out randomly, these lights were perfectly adjacent to each other and configured with remarkable order. I offhandedly mentioned to my friends to look up and see the blue lights and one of them said, in the most matter-of-fact way, “Blue Light Syndrome.” Like that was all the explanation that was required. At the time I thought, these guys knew way more than I did, and so accepted my condition as fact. It wasn’t until later they laughed at my naivety and told me they had made it up, and there were no blue lights. Once again, I accepted the diagnosis from the panel of experts and got on with life. The funny thing was, I had no idea what it was I was seeing until a few years later, when I finally recognised what they were...pixels. And considering I didn’t even know what pixels were back then, I had wondered about this ever since...and the best logic I came up with was...I was seeing the screen they were watching us on. Fast forward to yesterday, and I asked another question of my constant companions. "How long have you been with me?" Of course, this is not a question that can be answered with a yes, no or maybe/I don't know/care. So I refined it and asked, "Have you been with me all my life?" And the eyes smiled and blinked, "Yes." Who knows what to make of this? The mind is a strange place and we understand little about it or the universe we live in. But, it did give me food for thought. There is no doubt that whatever it is that I see saved my life by making the comedown so terrifying I had no choice but to stop (in my deranged/delusional opinion). And since quitting meth, there has been a huge shift (for the better) in the way these hallucinations (or whatever) relate to me. I'm not saying beings are watching our every move, or that we live in a simulation...but it is an interesting hypothesis. |
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