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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| I remember when I was about 10 and was home alone. A delivery man came to our door with a long white box for my Mom. It was my parents wedding anniversary in June and we lived in a window air conditioned house in Georgia. The man told me it was flowers but nothing else. I put them away in a closet. Dad was out of town and he called later that night to ask my Mom how she liked her gift?????? Talk about feeling bad, I ran and got the box out to open it. Two dozen red roses, wrapped in green tissue) were looking kind of half dead. Mom put them in water but they didn't recover very well. One in a lifetime of forgetful acts that I will never forget. Dad was a carpenter and that cost him a lot of money. No one punished me, I punished myself enough. I will be 68 in less than a month and forgetfulness is a concern. Since I watched my own Mom descend into dementia followed by Alzheimer’s by her mid 70’s, it is a real legitimate worry. We live in a community of many neighbors that have grown children , grandchildren and few younger people. I guess the people I speak to talk about it quite a bit also. There are a few of us that are retired RN’s or physicians. Most were business owners so I get a lot of medical questions about it. My explanation to people about the difference between garden variety forgetfulness and dementia to worry about. Ask yourself do you go into a room and forgot what you went in there for? Not a big deal! My grown children do that. I used to have to make lists because I was multi tasking in my younger years. I still make lists, makes life easier. You need to worry when you drive or walk somewhere you’ve been to many times and suddenly you don’t know where you are or how to get home. We all leave our iPhones in shopping carts or in the car at some point but can retrace our steps. Just call the number or there is an app. Forgetfulness is part of a busy life and that isn’t a bad thing. Forgetting a grandchild’s birthday isn’t a big deal, that is why I write them down. Forgetting who our President is quite another story or the year we are in. I forget peoples names constantly but so do my kids. Recently a neighbor, about our age, is beginning to act like my Mom did. He is helping my husband built something. I invited him over for dinner. He repeated the same story 3 times during the meal. I am concerned for him. I even asked him if he had problems and he said his daughter is going to take him to a neurologist. He lives alone. Enjoy each day and keep writing, reading, eating well and exercising. That is what I shoot for. Life is too good to worry about the small stuff. Have a wonderful day! |
| Day 3228: September 15, 2021 Prompt: “All great beginnings start in the dark, when the moon greets you to a new day at midnight.” ― Shannon L. Alder Is starting over always starting in the dark? This may sound strange but starting over is almost impossible for anyone that is an adult. Our decisions are always informed by our past experiences. Even if you are a recovering addict, you are always one pill or drink away from addiction all over again. I believe going into a new relationship, a new job, whatever is new to you is a continuation of your life. Hopefully it is ore like a sunrise of hope than beginning in the dark. Maybe this prompt is just meant as a poetic saying. I realize the author is an inspirational speaker/writer and member of LDS church. Maybe I am inferring that the dark is a “bad” thing. I overthink everything. All I know is when I went into my 2nd marriage, I brought along all my baggage from the first one. It is a growing experience, where you use what worked for you and hopefully, you learn to change what did not. Life is a huge learning experience and by the time you are really good at it, you are old, wrinkled and beginning to lose your memory. Such is life. Life would be very boring if we did not grow and change, |
| It's been 20 years since 9/11. Do you feel the battle against terrorism is better off or is it worse? Do you think we've got a handle on far-right extremism or are we in over our heads? I believe I am not in a position to judge. There is so much knowledge that the government agencies have that tell them day to day about activity on the Internet, etc. I think there is probably all types of attacks that are stopped that we know nothing about unless they are on a huge scale. I have to trust our elected officials who nominate the heads of NSA, CIA, and FBI agencies. That is why it is so important to make sure voting rights are protected for all. We should be well informed about people that are running for office, starting at the local level. We should all support our candidates in whatever way we can. I definitely think far-right extremism is a huge threat. The Director of National Intelligence has said, for the last 5 years, that it is our major terror challenge. There are far too many lonely people that have problems with "government interference" in their lives, or feel people from other countries or cultures are taking their jobs and country away. These people stay away from main stream news and form their own groups. The information they take in is from others that feel like they do. That is as frightening as a religious cult like Jim Jones or the way Isis recruits people. I think we al have to be vigilant and “if we see something, say something”. The very acts that were carried out on the Capital on Jan. 6th need to be fully investigated so we can make sure that doesn't happen again. It appears enough people don't seem to be concerned about that insurrection. I often think of those heroes that gave their lives on 9/11 to keep that plane from hitting our Capital. What would they think? |
| Use these words in your entry: designate, participate, contemplate, mandate, separate and one other word that rhymes to create an interesting short story or poem. Action, Please Every one of us needs To be willing to participate. In the best health interest of all, join in a public mask mandate. Children will be in danger of disease. Our most vulnerable, we should contemplate. A Pediatric ICU is a serious intense place. No hugs, a medical need to separate. Imagine if you were chosen Given the terrible task to designate Who is to live or die in this pandemic. No one wants that decision of heavy weight. |
| Write about nicknames. What nicknames do you have for people in your life? What nicknames do others use to refer to you? Do any of these names have an interesting story for how they came to be? I found this to be an interesting prompt because of my late ex-husband and his family. I come from a Michigan family where nicknames are usually a shortened version of your proper name. For instance, my full name is Kathleen Debra Carpenter and I was always called "Kathie". My Dad called me "Toots" once in a while. I don't know where he got that from but I loved it. Dad didn't call my brothers anything special that I know of. To my Mom, I was called "honey" but that is an endearment. Dad called Mom "dear". I married when I was just eighteen to a man 10 years older, a man born in Georgia with a family very different from my own. They ate different kinds of food, went on vacation together, and were more family oriented. It took some getting used to. See, we ran off and got married. Yes, we eloped to Alabama and I was running away from home. Mom and I could never agree on anything. I thought this man was the answer to all my problems. Sorry, the piece is about nicknames but I needed to give some background. Now this is his family: His Dad was called "Granny" ( he complained a lot at work) Mom was called "Shorty" ( she was taller than her husband?) My husband was called "Chief" or "Bubba"( common for brother) Younger brother was called "Peewee" (he was a premature baby) There were Uncles: Paul (Sucker), Earl (Squirrel), his wife was called "Lightening" (she moved like molasses) All the other grandkids had nick names also. My boys were "Peanut" and the youngest "Tear all) That suited him actually. I thought this was so strange but learned to love these people, I wasn't left out-I became "Punkin". So I knew I was accepted by the family. One person's idea of strange is another's idea of family. I loved this man and we were happy for many years, we divorced after twenty anniversaries. We had separate lives by then. Our boys were grown. I have remarried. My ex-husband, sadly, died in 2001 from COPD. He gave me 2 wonderful sons and I have wonderful memories. |
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