%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Just my opinions and outlook on life |
|
The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| “I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.”—Fred Rogers. Your thoughts? Does it really have to be the holidays for one to experience? Having had a very traditional holiday upbringing, I think this rings true. Children in most places of the world see the holidays as a time to be out of school, shopping with Dad to get Mom something, looking at light displays, making a list of their favorite toys for Father Christmas or Santa to bring. The joy of anticipation, leaving out cookies and hot chocolate, waking at 2am, peaking under the tree. The fun in the morning looking at shiny packages, waiting for a parent to get coffee, stockings are overflowing. After presents are unwrapped, groans because we have to go to Grandma’s house but that is fun also. Big hugs, more presents and a delicious meal with homemade cookies for dessert. We have been up most of the night but the adrenaline is high so we must ride that new bike, play with toys, then exhaustion sets in with mom and dad in recliners clutching spiked eggnogs or a stiff drink. They seem glad it is over but now is the cleanup they dread. For kids, it is a bath and bed, no fighting tonite, many hugs and kisses. Thus the familiar ending and it is usually a magical one. It is a familiar beloved story but changes each year as you grow older and you have kids of your own and pass it along. We tend to love it even if the stores and traffic drive us nuts and our kids want everything.I remember my husband and a woman fighting over the last Millenium Falcon at Toys R Us one year. Dad won, he wouldn't give up. I stood and watched this crazy fight and thought, "Are we all nuts?" My husband had been a retail manager that went over to homes on Christmas Eve to assemble bikes if the customer needed help. When it is for your kid and you promised, well, all bets are off! This year is really special for most since we have had 2 very strange holidays and some have lost family members. Covid and the news has had its negative effect on children so this year the holidays mean getting back to some semblance of “normal”. We all need to keep in mind that this isn’t the story for all children although they see it on TV. There is a drug epidemic, still a food shortage and a homeless crisis. I went to church as a child and then took my kids when they were young. We always gave a wrapped gift for another child and also went to long term care homes to sing and take packages to older residents. I give to charities when I am able and taught my children . When I was still working, we used to get one person from each nursing unit and sang Christmas carols and gave out gifts on the pediatric wing. Most of us are so fortunate and the very heart of the holidays is giving to others. So, teach your children well and don't tell them about the fight for the Star Wars prize. Gee, Santa did that. Right? Fred Rogers was a presence in my kids lives and he always made us all feel special. We miss him. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
