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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| Christmas is terrible for my weight because I have a sweet tooth. When I was working, the physicians always sent the nursing staff all kinds of candy, usually something for each shift. They would send Godiva chocolates or boxes of nuts covered in chocolate, cinnamon, or something delicious. Those cans of caramel popcorn or cheddar cheese coated. Sometimes we got cheeses, crackers or great fruits. All of it was delicious and we would stress eat. Back then I would run it off between work and kids. At home, I would make my Mom’s favorites like Rum Balls, thumbprint cookies, and magic bars. I could go on and on over the years-when Rich’s Dept. store still had its bakery we would get their famous Coconut cake. My sister-in-law had us over for Christmas Eve and she made all kinds of homemade treats. She had more time than I did and loved to bake. When the kids were young we always made a gingerbread house and cut out sugar cookies and decorated them. People buy more stuff now. One of my daughter-in-law’s ran a bakery for awhile and she always sends special yummy things. My oldest son always makes his famous beautiful fruit pizzas and that is my personal favorite. We will not discuss calories, I don’t eat as much as I used to but I have my annual checkup on December 27th and he will be upset with me anyway-I haven’t lost the twenty pounds I was supposed to. Oh well, back to the treadmill. Happy Holidays to everyone!!!!!!! |
| "To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake it is necessary to stand out in the cold." - Aristotle Think of this quote and then write about something you find beautiful. Actually, I don’t think it is necessary to stand out in the cold, to appreciate the beauty of a snowflake. Snowflakes on a cold window become intricate unique lace but you have to be fast to appreciate them. Outside they seem to be one huge clump. Of course, a fresh snowfall is always beautiful but I prefer sitting by a fire these days and watching it from the window. I am in Atlanta so we don’t see snow often but I was born in Michigan so I remember snowmen, snowball battles, tobogganing and even snow skiing. We used to go back there for Christmas to be with my grandparents and those are great memories. The snowfall I remember the most in my long life was on April 16th, 1973. I was pregnant with my first son and so excited. My husband and I were at my parents house for my brother’s 16th birthday party when I went into early labor. The snow, rare in Georgia in April, began as we were going back to our apartment. It was so beautiful, a fresh new world and we were going to be a brand new family. A new child is a thrill for most and that doesn’t come without the pain of childbirth. A brand new baby is a metaphor for the quote, for each baby is as unique as a snowflake. I wrote the following poem after Paul's birth. I believe in Angels' hair, fine, soft, white shimmer with golden dust. I believe in Genie bottles encrusted with jewels, a room sparkling with children's dreams, love and trust. I believe in balloons, all shapes and colors. Celebrations of special days; flying kaleidoscope kites. Hummingbirds wings excite, multi-color butterflies in flight. Imagine how small yet talented their brains light. I believe in cartoon clouds. Disney characters, pitter patter of first love. I believe in Merlin, Super Heroes, magic carpets. Unicorns that fly, stardust carried by peace doves. I believe in elves that cook in trees, come alive at night, play, create chicanery. Fairies that dance, talk by blinking tiny lights, answer wishes of sick ones calls at night. I believe in you, a soul catcher. All the mystery and beauty that live within, the endless love you have to give. You, my delicious lovable munchkin. By Kathie Stehr |
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