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Rated: 13+ · Book · Community · #2226993
Just my opinions and outlook on life
The end of 2020


The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun.

Closely Watched Trains

I stand alone in blinding rain,
waiting on an unknown train.
My future life, a choice to make.
Only one I can take.

Two tickets lay in my hand,
don’t know where to stand.
One path leads to a familiar past.
Comfort once lost; now peace might last.

The other takes me far away.
Unknown future, a bright new day?
Strangers can become friends.
A new life, old wounds can mend.

Last time I waited on a train,
a filthy walkway, urine stains.
Crying frightened, shameful tears,
burdened with pain, unknown fears.

The smut on me wouldn’t wash away.
In pores so deep, I had to stay.
If I hung in, worked the steps.
A cluttered mess might bring rest.

Been running too long and fast,
towards a certain fatal crash.
Smoke the gin, drink the powder,
Alice of Wonderland in troubled water.

I did hard work, washed my stains.
Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame.
I found answers for all asked of me,
climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree.

Now, I wait on my wish filled train.
I pray a light shines true in dark rain.
God, I have come a long, long way.
I need to love myself enough to stay.

By Kathie Stehr
11/27/2020

Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids.

I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone.

Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope.

I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life.

All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again.

I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt.

2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can.

I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober.

I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family.

Kathie Stehr
December 31, 2020


** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable **
November 7, 2021 at 6:50pm
November 7, 2021 at 6:50pm
#1021103
"Fall Back"


So many important problems,
That need attention now.
A battle over cancel culture,
Seems trivial somehow.

Fall back, silly media divas,
Talking heads without sense.
Global warming is upon us.
Our oceans, cities in distress.

Children need honest education.
Not parents as angry fools.
Teachers need our thanks,
For work in challenging schools.

Fall back, pompous politicians.
The world will still revolve.
I have faith in real people
Together problems are solved.

Can we agree to pull in tandem?
Put our thinking caps on.
Our world could be at peace
If we agreed to get along.

By Kathie Stehr
Nov. 7, 2021
November 7, 2021 at 8:16am
November 7, 2021 at 8:16am
#1021055
PROMPT November 7th

Today's prompt is taken from a book I own. "Great Quotes From Great Leaders", published by Motorola, my employer. This one is from Norman Vincent Peale. "The trouble with most of us, is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." Do you feel this is a valid statement? Tell us why you feel the way you do.


Of course, isn’t that what the ego naturally wants? Praise builds our self esteem at the moment. It is like a dopamine high that we can feed on. Nothing makes a person feel more important than the five stars for something you put up on WDC. Of course most of us like to be “nice” people and make others feel good also. Applause drives actors, authors, politicians, almost everyone wants to be wrapped up in that public “love”.

High school was easy for me and I never had to work very hard to keep a B average. Most of my teachers didn't really challenge us and I couldn't wait to start college. I graduated before my class because I had the credits. I did take a year of junior college courses but then I married. By the time I went back I had a toddler and was working. The nursing program was very hard but so interesting. The instructors were old school and there was so much to learn. I had never been criticized like I was in clinical practice, sometimes in front of patients or physicians. You learned from it because it made you a better professional. Once you graduated and had a team of people working under you and lots of very sick patients, you appreciated those great women you had called some terrible names.

It’s so much easier to give your children hugs and toys they want than it is to actually teach them to how to help others through skills and working towards a goal. It is like earning stars at writing. First you have to actually learn some skills like grammar, punctuation, building a plot and characters, POV, etc. Even if you are lucky enough to be one of those people that the art of writing seems to flow easily through. Most of us write and edit and edit some more. Then if you really want to know how you are progressing you find one of our published / seasoned writers and ask them to read it. You probably won’t get five stars but lots of great advice. I have asked for reviews that were a page long with suggestions. Thank you so much for making me grow into a better writer.

I have always enjoyed Norman Vincent Peale’s writings. My Mom gave me one of his books when I was very young. Interesting the words he uses in the quote about being “ruined” by praise than “saved” by criticism. Praise is like the candy that destroys your teeth eventually although most of us crave it. Criticism backed by knowledge always means growth and that is what we all should strive for. Isn’t that what makes us feel complete as productive human beings?

Have a great day!


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