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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| PROMPT November 3rd You live in a tourist town. There's always an 'interesting' mix of visitors. But this year they are especially... different. In what way? We are used to charter buses coming into our town of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Many have older people that probably prefer not to drive anymore. Some are from senior communities or churches. They come equipped with their smart phones, walking sticks or canes and some have wheelchairs. It is beautiful here all year round but the fall in the Smoky Mountains is magical with lovely foliage. We have wonderful restaurants, candle making shops where you design your own, homemade fudge and taffy shops. There is a variety of specialty places to buy overly priced music boxes, mountain crafts and the usual cheaper souvenirs. A couple of Christmas shops are always packed this time of year. I am sitting on a bench, just people watching, when I notice this group of elderly people are different from most. They have the same characteristics of most senior citizens. Like myself at 68, they are gray haired, have wrinkles and are dressed comfortably for the cool weather. But these people seem to have a real “spring in their step” as they disembark the bus. No one has to have an assist from their host. They aren’t hesitant in their moving around, all wear smiles and are happily speaking to their fellow passengers. They stand straight and appear more like children in their excitement to explore the town. Couples are holding hands and kissing like teenagers. I overhear one man say they are staying at the ski lodge and hope to rent skis for the slopes and go ice skating. I am very intrigued by these people. Did they come from a Health Spa where they had managed to turn back time? I thought of the movie “Cocoon” where elderly people went swimming in a special pool and felt more energetic and younger. Of course that was actually a sci-fi movie where there were some kind of alien pods in the water. As these lovely folks began to stride up Main Street to walk through stores, I reach out for one of the men that was alone. “Excuse me, Sir, I couldn’t help but notice how energetic you and your friends are. Can you tell me your secret?” He smiled, “You know, we are all from Virginia, a place called “Golden Town”. It is a senior community.” He continued, “we are just your average older folks with aches and pains but something strange happened on our way here. We stopped for an unscheduled kind of Autumn Festival in Cherokee. Now I would have thought Native Americans would be running things but it was a caravan of what looked like gypsies. It was very interesting. I’ll tell you what, I wrote down a little poem about the place. We all drank from this punch and as the hours have gone be by we began to feel better and better. I don’t know how to explain it but I hope it lasts.” Autumn's majestic trees, dressed in dancing leaves; painted with crimson, cinnamon, whisper golden dreams. Aromas arise from black pots, simmering over scented coals. The smell is apples, cloves, spices and tart candy hearts. Stirred by exotic gypsies, clothed in majestic gowns, of scarlet, turquoise, purple velour. Maybe Cupid adds a heavenly punch. It is said if two partake of this erotic recipe of punch. They feel euphoric, a sensual rush; anxious to fall into eternal love. "Darling, It is autumn once again, the wind is rising; the air is wild with leaves. Listen to the magical wind, It is whispering our future. We need to drink once again." |
| Day 3279: November 3, 2021 Prompt: Start you blog entry with the following and tell us what you saw: Once in November, I stood looking out the window ... I have to climb into the time machine for this one and go back to 1971. It is November 6th and I am only 18 but think I am all grown up. I live with my parents, am going to junior college and working full time in retail at Rich’s. I also was just coming from a very serious relationship with a man that was twelve years older. We had been engaged, were planning a church wedding and I broke it up. I wasn't sure. Looking out the window, I am waiting for a certain redheaded guy to drive up in his 1970 black Cougar and pick me up for a party. I am wearing a purple velour top and flare leg pants with boots. My hair is long and I have on hoop earrings. I am wearing Yardley makeup and think I look pretty cool and hip. There is a chill in the air and a warm place in my heart for this special guy. He is my manager and has been my date on several occasions. There are a dozen red long stemmed roses that were delivered earlier on the coffee table. We have been going to lunch together almost everyday for the last three months. He picks me up and we drive to a modest home for a party, an adult birthday for one of his employees. I remember dancing to Janis Joplin, Motown, Marvin Gaye, The Beatles and the Stones. The punch was potent, a combo of a couple of liquors. Finger foods were served. My date had worked all day so he was in his suit. I remember his shirt matched my outfit. Yes, it was a lighter purple and the suit was plaid with a lavender tone. It was the 70’s!! We had a great time together and we were feeling no pain when he suggested going for a drive. I look back and have no idea how we drove from Atlanta and wound up in Anniston, Alabama. Talking to each other came so naturally and we were lost in a world of our own. I felt like someone finally really understood who I was. We checked into a Holiday Inn, made sweet love and spend the night in each others arms. The following morning we wound up at a Waffle House talking about getting married. It all seemed so magical and meant to be, I was floating on a cloud. Surely, this must be what real love feels like. I didn't want to ever be away from him again. Monday morning we were at the courthouse and I barely remember the ceremony except his hand clasping mine so tightly I thought he would break my fingers. The ring had come from a Woolworth’s. We were in the same clothes from Friday. It was an impulsive strange beginning that I realize was partly a rebound relationship. I know now that a person can have all different kinds of love in one lifetime. We aren't the same people in our teens that we are in out thirties or our sixties. The marriage lasted twenty years, produced two great kids and we had many special times together. I don’t regret a single thing. |
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