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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| DAY 3299 November 20, 2021 Red or Green Silver or Gold Blue or White Or any combo of the above colors. What speaks holiday to you and why? Red is the color of my babies hair. Both born with skin soft and fair. I still hang a red stocking with Baby P. My Mom made before our first toy filled tree. Green for all the live fir trees we cut. Beautiful cold days, hot chocolate in cups. Riding in wagons to find the perfect one. The smell and laughter, fun for old and young. Silver bell ringers and choirs to hear. Thanksgiving we all went to Rich’s, my dear. Rode the pink pig over new toys, followed by a huge tree to light up Atlanta with joy. White reminds me of my Persian kitty, sliding over snow, not seen often in our city. I remember a fake tree with flocked white, Meant to be snow, it was quite a sight! Blue is for my boys lovely eyes. How wide they were over Christmas toys. Gold is for the wedding ring I wear, And my love for the man who put it there. By Kathie Stehr November 20, 2021 |
| PROMPT November 20th In your blog tonight/today, write about a story you've been told, or use a newscast story and CREATE a conspiracy theory. Tell us why you chose this subject, and of course, provide 'evidence' that your theory could be rooted in truth. Before I even heard this on the news as something being spread around, a family member told me that the vaccines we were going to be given for Covid would have tracking devices so the government would know our every move. Now I laughed out loud when I heard this person say this. Most of us, adults anyway, have smartphones and you don’t have to be our government to find some techie that knows how to hack into a phone. Then I actually heard this theory on a news cast that I don’t normally turn to. I know tracking devices are put in animals under the skin so I started to actually think how in the world people believe a device is so small it goes in liquid through a 23 gauge needle into your arm and ends up where in your body? Talk about being attacked by a healthy immune system that would make mincemeat of it. I don’t know if any of you are old enough to remember a movie called the “Fantastic Voyage” ? A spaceship was shrunk down with scientists in it to repair a clot in a VIP’s body (don’t remember why he was so important). The ship was made so small with 4 or 5 people inside to pass through a syringe and needle to go into the bloodstream, it was attacked by white blood cells and then had to pass through the heart at the perfect moment and the lungs. Seems like at some point the scientists got out of the ship and one remained stuck in a wall of cells. The scientists ended up coming out of this person’s tear duct at the end. I think the spaceship was left in the body. At the time in the 1960’s, this was a great sci-fi movie. I haven’t watched it in years but if you need a good chuckle I am sure you can find it somewhere. Anyway, some people haven’t traveled very far from the movie studios of that era to the 2000s, I guess. And in the words of the great Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that!” |
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